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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

dh really dislikes mumsnet and developing siege mentality. i want to leave him to it

63 replies

Alicelooking · 02/01/2012 02:36

dh knows i am on here often and lately been very negative about it. he wants me to stop posting/browsing. i dont really want to but its upsetting him. I want to stay on!

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 02/01/2012 02:45

Why does it upset him?

How do you feel about your DH telling you what to do?

abendbrot · 02/01/2012 02:47

Hmm. I have a dilemma about this, because it's lovely spending indulgent hours sharing, chatting, debating and opining on here, but there has to be a limit IMO. Not that I can talk, at 2.46am!

If it's affecting him you should consider why, first. You haven't given much background, so what is it exactly about you coming on here that's the problem?

Original poster

Alicelooking · 02/01/2012 02:49

late to bed.

OP posts:

Original poster

Alicelooking · 02/01/2012 03:37

he doesnt tell me what to do. he is normally very reasonable.

OP posts:

flamegirl77 · 02/01/2012 03:50

If he can give a good reason then it would be courteous to consider his request. If he can't, then sorry, you are a grown woman who can make her own decisions.

Original poster

Alicelooking · 02/01/2012 03:57

he feels uncomfortable (he says) with the general tone (for starters)
. "DH" being used no matter the context. sadly he is the most sarcastic man i have ever known

OP posts:

empirestateofmind · 02/01/2012 04:34

Censorship because he feels uncomfortable? It is none of his business what you are reading and posting, unless you are splashing his personal details around.

xyfactor · 02/01/2012 05:26

Listen to some of the advice dished out on MN and you'll be sure to join the singletons club in no time.
If you are on the internet too long and it's interfering with your family life he's got every right to ask you to prioritise.

Morloth · 02/01/2012 05:38

How is it any of his business?

I don't monitor DH's internet usage and I wouldn't expect him to monitor mine, what with us both being adults.

Is there are list of approved sites that you are allowed to browse?

If you are on so often that it is causing issues, then that has nothing to do with MN.

MercyDulbottle · 02/01/2012 06:52

Well, if it's keeping you up all night, and if you are in the UK it looks like it might be, he may have a point.

Triggles · 02/01/2012 08:57

I guess it depends on your usage and how much you carry into RL. If you're quoting MN for everything, then I can see where it might get frustrating for him.

DH thinks some of the stuff on MN is hilarious (especially the zombie threads). We often talk about some of the stuff on here. But he never ever reads what I post unless I offer the information to him. He has no problem with me posting on here and browsing whenever (he's never mentioned he has a problem anyway, nor has he ever made any comments about it). I often have insomnia and can be on here late at night. But I'm online because I'm awake, I'm not awake just because I'm online IYSWIM.

Perhaps look at your usage and what you're using it for... are you hiding away on the computer and not communicating with your DH? Or is it a simple matter that he feels threatened by it?

Awayinamangercooper · 02/01/2012 09:10

Yeah my DH isn't keen on MN either. DH and I tell each other when we don't like things, you could describe that as "telling each other what to do" if you wanted to be massively antagonistic.

clam · 02/01/2012 09:18

My DH nibbles away at this one every now and again. I tell him to fuck off that I'll stop MNing when he stops watching football and cricket.
Sorted.

tabulahrasa · 02/01/2012 09:18

What is the general tone of mumsnet? I find that some boards are so different from others that they could well be on different places altogether.

MilitaryWag · 02/01/2012 09:25

If he is constantly seeing you hunched over your PC looking at MN then he has a point. If he feels it is interefering with your time together then he has a point. Empirestateofmind would you adopt the same attitude if your DH was looking at porn sites? (assuming that made you feel unccomfortable)

DumSpiroSpero · 02/01/2012 09:35

So is it actually Mumsnet itself - or the amount of time you're spending on-line (i.e.would he be the same if you were on Facebook, YouTube or just doing something else entirely?)

I have had similar issues and it's a really tricky one - DH likes to watch TV in the evening - that's all he does. I am not that interested in TV and certainly not in a constant diet of Sky Sports and sci-fi gore, so I'm mostly on my laptop. He doesn't like me tapping away noisily while he's watching things so I'm usually in another room.

If he doesn't like it, he needs to change his viewing habits or be a bit more tolerant tbh.

That said he does appreciate it when I go to bed at the same time rather than staying up until the early hours MN-ing, which I did have a phase of earlier in the year.

Cybbo · 02/01/2012 09:42

Does your H have hobbies? does he play sport or watch it? or is he devoted to your children and the house 100% of the time, with no spare time of his own?

There is such a thing as spending too much time online, on any site , and if family life ,mealtimes, general health etc are suffereing then its time to cut back

But often we are just required to be 'present' downstairs even if every other bugger is busy doing their own thing. Its usually my own guilt that cuts short my PC time then I realise no one even realised I was missing anyway

LeQueen · 02/01/2012 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iwasagnome · 02/01/2012 09:53

mumsnet can be a time magnet .it has stopped me doing stuff I should have done so resolving not to spend so long--just do it mainly when he`s not around?

SarahStratton · 02/01/2012 09:53

Oh no LeQ, faffing on MN is educational. Just think how much you've learned on here over the years.

HardCheese · 02/01/2012 10:02

I recommended that my BIL and SIL (who are having massive difficulties with their elder son and homework, and live in a very isolated way in the countryside, so know few people to talk to about it) have a look at the education boards on MN, as I've found the pregnancy sections so useful and supportive, and they both made cat's-bum faces and said 'Oh, is that the site with all the swearing?' So I gave up.

My partner is very appreciative of how informative we've found the pregnancy/childbirth/antenatal testing boards, and is amused by my reports of AIBU etc, and generally thinks MN is a Good Thing. I agree, though, it might be a different issue is someone were on it 24/7.

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 02/01/2012 10:07

DH used to get a bit upset with the amount of time I spent on MN until I pointed out the amount of time he spent on ridiculously childish and time-consuming rubbish FB apps like FarmVille and CastleVille.

Now he reads over my shoulder and chuckles at the more lurid threads. He even asked how "the mums" were when I hadn't been on much over the festive period.

As others have said, if it's interfering with your time with him so that you'd rather be on MN than spending time with him, then it's nothing to do with MN and everything to do with your relationship.

Mrsrobertduvall · 02/01/2012 10:44

My dh once asked me if I realised how long I had been on mn that week.....I was appalled when he told me it was about 18 hours.

I try to do no more than an hour a day now....although as he is away at the moment, it's been much more this Xmas!

Fecklessdizzy · 02/01/2012 10:51

My lot think it's highly amusing that I only hang out on AIBU and take it in turns to stand behind me chorusing " Oh yes you are! " when I'm engrossed

I've also noticed DS1 has been trying to log on so if I suddenly start sounding like a teenage metal-head you'll know I've been hacked!

OP I think you need to have a chat and find out what it is that's giving your DH the hump ... Is it the time spent online or this site in particular or what? Lots of blokes get a bit of a shock at how women sound when they're talking frankly to one another ... My DP calls us a Critical Mass

SoFreshNSoClean · 02/01/2012 10:54

He sounds like a bit of a knob. Tell him I said that. Make sure you get the tone correct, too.

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