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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that perhaps I am the worlds biggest twat?

30 replies

Bogeyface · 01/01/2012 00:05

Because after a year in which I was v ill due to pg and he coped with the panic of impending fatherhood by having an affair, and after other issues the year before, he was Mr Partyman earlier and is now snoring.

My friend was here and was going home to see midnight in with her OH who was at home (still) nursing a hangover from last night, and my parents were here and said in advance that they would be leaving about tennish as Dad isnt very well. So, it was known in advance that we would see the NY in just the two of us. He was Mein Host, laughing, joking, centre of attention (which he loves being) and within ten minutes of my friend leaving, he was snoring like a pig because he was pissed as a fart.

I look at him and think "this was supposed to be a sign of our new start, moving on into a new era of our marriage. What it is is you being a selfish drunken twat who doesnt care enough about me or about what you did to even stay sober enough to see the NY in with me"

I have been thinking more and more recently about this, and tonight I am really at the point where I think that perhaps I should just say "bollocks" and get a divorce. It wont be easy but atleast I wont have the piss taken out of me will I? :(

Happy New Year. Same as the last....................but atleast this year i know what situation I am in, last year I was a blissfully ignorant, although v unhappy, idiot :(

I have just texted him a video of him snoring like a pig with the NY live thing on the TV in the backgroud with the words, HAPPY NEW YEAR. Hopefully it will wake him up about 5am when it finally gets to him!

OP posts:
SoftKittyWarmKitty · 01/01/2012 00:15

My ex also dealt with impending fatherhood by shagging around, hence why he's an ex. I think you should tell him what you put in your OP about seeing in the new year with you as part of your new start and how upset you are that he couldn't even do that, and see what his reaction is. It will tell you a lot.

Hope you have a better year than last, OP.

maras2 · 01/01/2012 00:23

Sorry Bogey.He's a very bad man.Happy New Year to you.I hope that he feels ill tomorrow.Pig! Mx.

AgentZigzag · 01/01/2012 00:29

You're not a twat y'daft twat!

Aside from the shitty reasons surrounding why you made it, I love the video you've sent him Grin

DD1 suggests you post in on YouTube Grin

bushymcbush · 01/01/2012 00:30

Be a twat no longer Bogey - the Bogeyman isn't needed in your life.

Love that you texted him a video of himself snoring. Who looks like a twat now?

Happy New Year.

Original poster
Bogeyface · 01/01/2012 00:33

Thank you for making me laugh Agent :)

I should put on his full name which is unique in the UK and one of only 2 in the world, so that should make it easy to find :o

He woke up a moment ago when I "accidentally" crashed a couple of plates I was picking up. He said nothing, just looked at me every few seconds. I think he knows that there is NOTHING he can say to me right now that will make this ok and any platitudinous BS will make it worse. He is in the loo now, will probably go to bed and have forgotten the whole thing in the morning, hence why I sent the vid.

I just think I am being a fool.

I didnt leave him then because the baby was 5 weeks old and I needed help. Now, I dont have that excuse do I?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogeyface · 01/01/2012 00:35

THanks guys :) xx

OP posts:
RaPaPaPumPumBootyMum · 01/01/2012 00:46

God, what a knobhead.

I hope you have a fabulous 2012 Bogey, whatever may come your way and whatever decisions you ultimately make...

XX

olgaga · 01/01/2012 00:54

Bogey, I'd definitely pick you. The video idea was brilliant!

Happy new year, whatever you decide.

GypsyMoth · 01/01/2012 01:00

Read your recent threads, I feel for you. Take care.x

TheCrunchUnderfoot · 01/01/2012 01:04

Ach, I think you know what you need to do. And I reckon you can do it, and prosper. Happy new year - and good luck x

youarekidding · 01/01/2012 01:07

He's the twat, not you.

My Ex-P also coped with impending and early stages of fatherhood by risking further impregnation of other women!

I've been on my own with DS now for 6 years, I'm happier than I was then. Grin Not easy but you can do it if that's what you do want.

LOVE the text. Second you tube.

McPie · 01/01/2012 01:17

He is an arse! Good luck and take care x

AgentZigzag · 01/01/2012 01:22

I saw this posted somewhere recently on here, can't for the life of me remember where.

It's for emailing a reminder to yourself about something.

Every time he's an arse, email yourself, and get them to all turn up at the same time.

Gathering a few of them together might help you make up your mind about whether to go or stay?

travellingwilbury · 01/01/2012 01:39

Bogey I know nothing of your back story but I have to ask do you even like this man never even mind love him ?

Original poster
Bogeyface · 01/01/2013 02:02

UPdate

This New Year was actually worse than the last. I have supported him through redundancy, ill health and life in general.

What I got back was a drunken abusive arse.

I really am the twat as I am still here, one year on :(

Not next year though. I am not doing this shit again.

OP posts:
benbobaggins · 01/01/2013 02:09

You're not a twat, he's the twat...

My very first LTB, you deserve better

JustAHolyFool · 01/01/2013 02:10

You really are not the twat in this equation. He is the twat.

Make your new year's resolution for him to be someone else's problem.

AgentZigzagHasABigYuleLog · 01/01/2013 02:23

That really freaked me out seeing my post and thinking 'I don't remember posting that Confused' Grin

I was hoping for better news as I scrolled down.

It's so easy to say LTB on a thread, but when you're so entwined with someone else's life it's harder than you think.

Have you thought about how you might start the process of separating from this fuckwit over the past year? And I don't like to say that about someone I don't know, but just from this short thread you can see how miserable he's making you.

He shouldn't be doing that.

He should be enriching you life, noticing when you need a bit more from him, making you feel good about yourself.

Is the cost of the things you'd have to do to break up with him relative to the happiness and peace you'd feel if you did the deed?

Original poster
Bogeyface · 01/01/2013 02:26

A year ago he was in a good job and things were more difficult.

Now he has been made redundant so surviving on benefits has been dealt with! If anything, it is easier now than it was then. And yes, I have been thinking about it :(

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 01/01/2013 02:30

Bogey

You can do better than him.

You deserve better than him.

Please make decisions in this very New Year that make you happy.

AgentZigzagHasABigYuleLog · 01/01/2013 02:36

Thankfully I didn't have the DDs when I was living on benefits, but it makes my blood run cold wondering how people manage on the pittance they give you when you've got shoes/food (that actually matters with vitamins and that, I used to live on beans and jacket tates (I was slimmer then Grin)) and all the other million extras you really can't not buy for them.

But the strain of that on top of knowing how be betrayed you at the time when he should have been supporting you the most, would be hard for me to forgive and forget.

Maybe it's time you started writing down the wonderings you have when you're thinking of how to get yourself out of this shit?

Look at what you can feasibly do to make you're life more content.

SPsFanjoHasSatelliteNavigation · 01/01/2013 02:48

Em are cuny kockrys. I font lime them tbfh

drae on hid face and put hih habg in water

Original poster
Bogeyface · 01/01/2013 02:49

Maybe it's time you started writing down the wonderings you have when you're thinking of how to get yourself out of this shit?

Look at what you can feasibly do to make you're life more content.

Thank you.

I have been known to be first in the queue with LTB, even knowing how hard it can be. What you have said makes it a much more manageable thing to do.

Thanks again x

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogeyface · 01/01/2013 02:50

Em are cuny kockrys. I font lime them tbfh

drae on hid face and put hih habg in water

Totally. Couldnt have put it better myself.

Happy New Year SP :o

OP posts:
AgentZigzagHasABigYuleLog · 01/01/2013 02:54

Hehe, I feel smug now that although I'm pissed at least I can type kind of coherently Grin

I love you