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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you visit friends for 'playdate', you don't take an Ipad/ Iphone?

45 replies

youarekidding · 31/12/2011 18:26

So close friend of mine and DS's come to visit. DC's see each other a lot and friend recently got Ipad. I always tell DS he isn't having a go at hers as has gone to play, although we have before played a game altogether on it.

So she brings the Ipad. Her eldest sits in the armchair playing on it refusing to let anyone else even watch her, let alone play on it. Her youngest has major strop because she wants to play on it so friend gives her her Iphone to play on - which she sits in middle of 2 seater sofa playing and refuses to move.

DS just bewildered and sad because he thinks they have come to play with him but ignoring him.

AIBU to think this is incredably rude or are Ipads etc the new version of those handheld games we had as children. Grin

OP posts:
birdsofshoreandsea · 31/12/2011 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slavetofilofax · 31/12/2011 18:34

I have my iPhone with me everywhere I go, but my children rarely get to play with it. They have their own gadgets, and they would not be allowed to play with them on a play date unless their friends had the same thing and they could do multi player games.

Your friend was rude, and she is teaching her children to be rude.

sassyminder · 31/12/2011 18:35

Ipads and Iphones are the new babysitters. She was delighted that her children played on quietly not giving her any trouble. And she and her children were also bloody rude. I would not invite again and would explain to my own child how it is unaccetible

squeakytoy · 31/12/2011 18:35

See, I have this teeth itching reaction when I read "playdate"... it is just so twee.

Did the woman come over to see you, and have her kids in tow. Or are these children friends that wanted to see each other?

Earlybird · 31/12/2011 18:38

Think I'd say to my friend 'let's plan to see each other another time as your dc seem more interested in the i-phone and i-pad atm than playing. DS was looking forward to a playdate and it really isn't fair on him to be left standing around'.

Or, you could simply give your ds something to play on too, and mentally make a note to see the friend without her dc next time.

Original poster
youarekidding · 31/12/2011 18:42

squeaky I hate the expression hence why I put '' round it Grin

The children wanted to see each other. They asked their mum if they could play with DS so friend rang up to see if we were in and could pop over for a few hours. I agreed and said we had eaten at lunch but could do sandwiches if they wanted tea at ours.

We went round to hers today after trip to park, DC's wanted to use new scooters, and she did say to her DD1 she wasn't using it when she asked repeatedly! She did give in though and say 5 minutes telling me at least one of them would be quiet! So I guess they are the new babysitter. Wink

I think Ipads are great, don't get me wrong, but either it should be enforced that it's shared or left away. I won't let my DS get something out to do alone when we have visitors. (although he tries!)

OP posts:
roastparsnipsandbrusselsprouts · 31/12/2011 18:47

YANBU

It does not teach the children any social skills whatsoever. These gadgets are great at times but when there are other children there to play with it is rude.

How would the mother feel if you logged on to Mumsnet and ignored her while she was there? Xmas Shock

catgirl1976 · 31/12/2011 18:51

YANBU - thats rude.

Original poster
youarekidding · 31/12/2011 18:54

good point roast tempted to try it and see Grin

OP posts:
hairypotter · 31/12/2011 20:33

I had a sleepover for dd2's 8th birthday and 2 mums sent iPod touches with their dd's. Cue lots of 'go away I'm playing' 'you can't make me join in the games' and leave me alone I'm at a good bit'

The other girls including my dd were Shock

The 2 culprits have not and will not be invited back

bigeyes · 31/12/2011 20:55

Yanbu big no, no. Dc's loves to play on his wii with someone and is only allowed it at weekends, but if he has a friend round he is only allowed it on if I know the other child has a games console and knows how to play as dc's is 5 otherwise it's unfair to other child and they are not playing together. If the child does have one I always run it by parent and its like this toy play food then wii.

So no def not iPhone which d's does play on but never at expense of interacting politely having fun with other children.

Can't elieve the iPod touch sleepover incident, right not to invite back such glaring differences don't pan out well. I recently dropped a friend as was so embaresed by her ds behaviour and tried to keep her as just friend but couldn't handle the occasions where her ds was there, the lack of manners and difference in parental expectations infuriated me, ds wasn't bothered either way.

ilovesooty · 31/12/2011 21:01

Hate the term "playdate" as well.

Yes, the mother was boody rude and so were her children.

ilovesooty · 31/12/2011 21:01

bloody rude

OldBagWantsNewBag · 31/12/2011 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

roastparsnipsandbrusselsprouts · 31/12/2011 23:03

I think it is ok if they are all looking at it together. My dd will link up with her friends on their itouches if they have a sleepover. They don't ignore each other to do it though, it is a bizarre way of socialising and only a small part of what they do.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 31/12/2011 23:21

Your friend's children sound like spoilt brats tbh, and your friend doesn't sound much better by allowing them to behave in that manner. A child not even letting anyone else look at the screen? And sitting in the middle of the sofa so no one else could sit there? Really terrible manners, and shame on your friend for not saying anything to them.

I would arrange to see your friend minus the children in future. If she asks why, say that there doesn't seem to be any point in getting the children together to play as her children won't play with your DS.

We had a similar thing with some friends we went on holiday with; they let their DD play on the ipad constantly, and she wouldn't let any of mine even watch it over her shoulder. One night we all went out for a meal and they took the ipad and set up a film for the DCs to watch whilst we waited for the meal and their DD kept holding the ipad in to her tummy, with the screen facing in to her so the others couldn't watch it, and her mum put it away as "she wants to watch the film when she's alone rather than let you watch it too"

Original poster
youarekidding · 01/01/2012 00:49

oldbag sharing it isn't so bad. Our DC's attend the same swimming lessons, lot's of parents bring iphones/ ipads including my friend and they all have a go whilst waiting for lessons/ siblings etc.

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 01/01/2012 00:58

Very rude IMO.

A little girl at school wanted dd to come and play. I was invited too. The little girl just sat and played on her DS game the whole time. Dd was bewildered and hurt. The mother did nothing to stop this rudeness.

I should have just left. Why bother with hooking up if one child is just going to stare at iPad / iPhone / DS all the time? Unless they are actively sharing it.

xyfactor · 01/01/2012 04:38

I saw the word "Playdate" and realised my opinion on the AIBU was about as relevant as a fondue set in a sheep shearing shed.

savoycabbage · 01/01/2012 04:58

We just went on a beach holiday with a family who took three Nintendo DSs, three iPod touch thingys and a laptop for movies.

In the morning my girls were having breakfast outside and a parrot came and sat on the table. They fed it and to took the bread from them in its claw and ate it. In the meantime my friends 5 year old was watching Rio on her idevice. Then my two wanted to watch it and she wasn't letting them.

A movie about a parrot. A PARROT!!!!!

I asked her to switch it off but she said 'no its mine' so I told her if shevwantedvto watch it she had to go back to her cabin which she did. I couldn't have said it to her mother was there.

xyfactor · 01/01/2012 05:03

You sound way too bossy savoycabbage.
I hope your friend gave you a piece of her mind for picking on a 5 year old Xmas Confused

savoycabbage · 01/01/2012 05:22

Grin Nope, we are still great friends.

I am more than happy for her dd to watch a film about a parrot while my dd feeds a parrot, but not for the dd to watch a movie on her itouch and not let my two watch it. that's mean!

She can watch it in her own house though. Or feed the real live parrot at mine.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 01/01/2012 08:22

savoycabbage I salute you for standing up to the girl with the ipad! Wink

I know her mum wasn't outside with you at the time, but she must generally let her get away with that kind of behaviour. I can't comprehend the mentality of parents that just think it's ok to let their child behave like that. As I said earlier in the thread, we had similar experiences to you with a friend's DD on holiday. I think it says more about the parent than the child. There is no way I would let any of mine sit there on the ipad and not let their siblings or a friend look over their shoulder at what they were watching.

On the holiday we went on, our "friends" actually exposed their true colours too and we found that they weren't the people we thought they were, and as a result the friendship fizzled out when we got back. Our values and how we parented our children were just too different.

xyfactor · 01/01/2012 09:03

You two must live in an alternate reality.
Or you must be picking friends who are weak parents.
Normally you'd expect a slap in the mouth telling off from anyone I know for your shocking behaviour towards a child.

Trifle · 01/01/2012 09:55

Xyfaxtor - jeezus, no wonder society is failing if you advocate
spoilt brats being allowed to be so bloody rude, unsociable and defiant. Bizarre that you actually condone such atrocious behaviour. The parent was right to tell the child off, is there really any need for kids to be glued to the frigging things 24/7. Kids cannot communicate at all nowadays unless it's via some form of technology. I cannot understand why anyone would give a kid an electronic toy that only they can play on when in company of other kids. Don't get me going on iPads/pods in restaurants, complete bug bear of mine.