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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you visit friends for 'playdate', you don't take an Ipad/ Iphone?

45 replies

youarekidding · 31/12/2011 18:26

So close friend of mine and DS's come to visit. DC's see each other a lot and friend recently got Ipad. I always tell DS he isn't having a go at hers as has gone to play, although we have before played a game altogether on it.

So she brings the Ipad. Her eldest sits in the armchair playing on it refusing to let anyone else even watch her, let alone play on it. Her youngest has major strop because she wants to play on it so friend gives her her Iphone to play on - which she sits in middle of 2 seater sofa playing and refuses to move.

DS just bewildered and sad because he thinks they have come to play with him but ignoring him.

AIBU to think this is incredably rude or are Ipads etc the new version of those handheld games we had as children.

OP posts:

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 01/01/2012 09:59

xyfactor, I'm a bit confused. Were you including me as one "you two" that life in an alternate reality. If so I'd be interested to know what you class as my shocking behaviour towards a child.

I totally agree with Trifle

theincredibequeenofwands · 01/01/2012 10:01

Yes, this is utter rudeness!

Myself and DS were invited round to play at a friends house. Her DS also sat and played on his DS the entire time leaving my son bored to tears because all of the other toys were upstairs and the kid wanted to stay downstairs on the sofa.

Mind you, same friend (adult) would (I don't invite them anymore and would hide when they popped round unexpectedly) would ask to borrow my laptop for 'a minute' and then spend the entire evening on facebook pretty much ignoring me.

Round her house the soaps (like, five of them in a row) would be on and she wouldn't want to chat during them. I don't follow the soaps so I'd be bored out of my brain.

Once she even text me asking if I'd like to pop round fr a coffee before the end of school (so 2.30ish). I get there and Jeremy Kyle is on. I attempt some chat and am told 'Shh, I like this program'.

Haven't been round since.

I doubt she even knows how rude it is, some people are just 'like that'.

andaPontyinaPearTreeeeee · 01/01/2012 10:07

YANBU it's rude! I love my iPhone but I hate seeing people on their gadgets in social situations - I've seen parties at restaurants not utter a word to each other because they are too busy with iWhatevers :(

My mum does it too. We only see her once a month or so and yet she ignores the GCs she claims to adore in favour of Mutual Friends and YouTube. Last time she was even wearing enormous headphones when supposedly watching the DCs for me. FFS.

andaPontyinaPearTreeeeee · 01/01/2012 10:11

Savoy you had a parrot land on your table? That is so lovely. We don't have parrots round here, lots of finches, tits and wagtails which are gorgeous, but I do miss the parrots.

Original poster

youarekidding · 01/01/2012 12:18

Blimey xyfactor - I didn't expect a unanamous YANBU because wasn't sure if I was or not but you seem to have views totally against most people here and seem to think you should actively encourage children to use these devices and not share. I do agree with you about the use o the word playdate - used in '' as I couldn't find a better word!

Thanks everyone - I'm glad to know it's not me just being precious because we don't have and can't afford these things and that it is rudeness to visit someone and ignore them.

I will return a text or answer my mobile whilst visiting - purely to say I'll call later or text to say I'll be home at a certain time and will contact friend then. I always apologise to the person I'm visiting for it.

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 01/01/2012 12:52

xyfactor are you actually the op's friend? Because it's fairly unanimous that she a rude cow, you know?

WinkyWinkola · 01/01/2012 12:55

However, if my 2 year old DS is screaming or making a big fuss in a restaurant, disturbing other diners, I will give him my iPhone to keep him sweet. With the mute button on though.

Original poster

youarekidding · 01/01/2012 15:08

winky that's a 2yo who needs entertaining. Not a 6/8 yo who has gone to play with someone and then gone on Ipad. I'd give my DS anything something keep him him stiller and silent for a little longer at that age.

OP posts:

KWL51 · 01/01/2012 15:25

i dont think yabu for being annoyed that the two dc sat and played ipad/ipod at your house when they had arranged to come to you to play. It is rude and unneccessary and I would not allow my children to take an ipad/pod out in that situation.
I would also have told the 5 year old not sharing the video to take it back to her cabin too.
I do however usually carry a nintendo ds or psp in my handbag when we go out to eat for the 5 yr old and 9yr old so that they can play with the sound off if we have a long wait or for train journeys etc. Ok so it can be perceived as lazy parenting but sometimes i think we have unrealistic expectations of childrens ability to sit still and be quiet for long periods of time.

Pandemoniaa · 01/01/2012 16:20

I don't have a problem with iDevices being used to keep children occupied in certain circumstances. But I'd be bloody livid if visiting children who had, allegedly, come to play, simply sat, selfishly in front of them and refused to share.

They were yet to be invented when my dcs were little but I would never let them take the sort of toys they might be unwilling to share out with them to visit friends. Because going out to play meant precisely that - playing with friends. Not sitting at their houses refusing to share or participate.

So no, YANBU.

rhondajean · 01/01/2012 17:15

Well I dony like it it just to throw another slant...

When I was little I would go visit friends, raid their bookcases for books I didn't have, and curl up in a corner to read them.

Im sure they were a bit bemused...it wasn't really great manners but I used to prefer words to people -still do - that's why here suits me I think!

tralalala · 01/01/2012 17:24

YADNBU - i would have taken them off them and not invited them again. I hate it when the kids go for a play at a friends and all they do is gawp at some screen. Lazy arsed parenting

Original poster

youarekidding · 01/01/2012 17:30

KWL I bought DS' DS for exactly that reason! to entertain him when it was boredom time. Not to take to play with when he goes to play with others.

FWIW I stick DS fold down scooter in the car when visiting others so he can join in outside play if they go outside. I wouldn't give it to him to go off and play outside alone iyswim?

OP posts:

Earlybird · 01/01/2012 17:37

I find that dd's more 'electronically savvy' friends are often tricky when they come here to play. They often can't settle into an activity. They don't want to do whatever dd suggests, but have no alternative ideas.....other than turning on the wii, computer, etc.

DD innocently says 'mum, they've lost their imaginations', and to some extent, I agree. They seem largely unwilling and/or unable to play/occupy themselves unless they are 'plugged in'.

Don't get me wrong, dd plays plenty on the computer and watches telly (perhaps too much sometimes). But she is equally happy (and able) to play for hours with Sylvanians, animal figurines etc., or loves to draw, and do art/craft projects too. I think the key is to be well-rounded.

Proudnscary · 01/01/2012 17:45

I think it's incredibly rude. YANBU. My kids know that visitors = screens OFF.

tralalala · 01/01/2012 18:19

I have totally noticed that earlybird my nieces can't entertain themselves for any length of time, they are always glued to some screen.

zest01 · 01/01/2012 20:48

yanbu. I guess we have this to come. We have had a friend to play (after school, without his Mum iyswim?) and he had brought his favourite toy which he didn't want to share but then kicked off when DS said he couldn't share his toys then. The friend made a huge fuss saying he thought his special toy would get broken so I simply explained that in our house toys have to be shared, or if they are very special then they have to be out away and played with when he gets home. He still made a fuss, wanting to play with it at ours but not share it however I did take it away and after a couple of mins all was calm. I told the Mum on collection and she was a bit but I would do it again.

It's bad manners - either share or put it away. simple.

zest01 · 01/01/2012 20:51

On a separate note, a friend let her DC's bring their DS (as in nintendo not darling son) to our WEDDING!!! Grrrrrrrrrr

Lueji · 01/01/2012 21:00

I would not let DS go to a playdate with an iPod, but he is friendly and other children often get to play on mine too.

YANBU

Cherriesarelovely · 01/01/2012 21:02

Really rude and annoying!

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