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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is a bit weird, if not rude?

36 replies

Surprisebride · 31/12/2011 16:13

I'm getting married beginning of Feb this year and am arranging my own Hen night. The plan is to get a minibus to a nearby city for a night out, possibly stay overnight or get minibus to pick us up about 2am to take us home.

So far I have around 11 friends that are definately coming, minibus seats 13. I received a text from one friend today advising me she has invited a friend of hers that I have met once. Ok, great I say, as I got on well with her on this one occasion and my friend deosn't really know any of the others invited.

About 20 minutes later I get another text telling me 'we' really need to sort out how we're getting there and how many rooms we'll need as she has another 6 friends that really want to come Hmm

I have no idea who any of these people are, but this apparently is ok as they are 'all really nice people, I wouldn't invite any troublemakers!' Shock

It wouldn't have been quite so bad if she had asked if she could invite some friends to maybe bump up the numbers but before she'd invited them not after! (I would have said no to this anyway as I think 12 is more than enough!)

She finishes with 'It's up to you'. Well obviously, what with i being my Hen night and all.

So, wonderful Mumsnetters, how do I reply?

OP posts:
2kidsintow · 31/12/2011 16:15

Personally, I'd tell them that the one person would be ok, but you don't want 7 people you don't know at your hen do and leave it at that. If the one doesn't want to go without the rest of the uninvited - even better.

GypsyMoth · 31/12/2011 16:15

There's no room on the bus!!

pudding25 · 31/12/2011 16:16

She's a rude cow. I would tell her that you don't mind her bringing the one friend you know but it is your hen night and you don't want people you don't know on it. If she kicks up a fuss, tell her not to come.

2BoysTooLoud · 31/12/2011 16:16

Cheeky, cheeky!!

TooEasilyTempted · 31/12/2011 16:16

I'd just reply saying "I've booked and filled a minibus so they'll have to make their own way there and meet us in town".

Or if you really don't want them there a simple "I'm sorry, I'd like to keep it to just people that I know".

OriginalJamie · 31/12/2011 16:16

"I'd really like to spend my hen night with people I know". She is asking, so tell her the truth. If you want to sugar it a bit, say you're sure they are lovely, BUT ....

What on earth is she thinking?

Geordieminx · 31/12/2011 16:17

Yes, very rude.

Tell her that you have arranged a mini bus, and although there is enough space for the original gatecrasher friend, that there is no further spaces, and that unfortunately, you have paid a deposit, so it cannot be changed.

What sort of people would want to attend a hen night of someone they don't even know? I don't even like going to the ones of peope I do know Grin

Flisspaps · 31/12/2011 16:17

You need to phone her and say something along the lines of:

"I'm sorry, I am sure your friends are lovely and great fun but I want to celebrate my Hen party with my friends rather than strangers and I want to keep it pretty small!"

If you don't stop her inviting all of her mates, you'll suddenly find an extra 20 people coming to your wedding, and she'll have told all those that they can bring a +1 to your reception!

MilitaryWag · 31/12/2011 16:17

YANBU

Bathsheba · 31/12/2011 16:17

Are you going somewhere that they really want to go to and wouldn't normally be able to...

Personally I'd get back to her and politely suggest that she, and her 7 friends maybe go there the weekend before your hen night, just to check it out and they could have their night out then...

OriginalJamie · 31/12/2011 16:17

Yes, phone, don't text back.

Annpan88 · 31/12/2011 16:18

Simply tell her the minibus' capacity and explain there's not enough room. If they want to come they can sort out their own travel/accommodation.

A hen night is meant to be the bride and her good friends. No?

Cheeky bitch

Proudnscary · 31/12/2011 16:19

Really really simple one, as others above said. 'I'm sure they are lovely ladies but would rather not have 7 people I've not met before on my hen night. Really looking forward to seeing you and X then!'

Proudnscary · 31/12/2011 16:19

And there's the first 'bitch'. Lovely.

diddl · 31/12/2011 16:20

"You seem to have mistaken my hen night for a night out with your friends"

gottagetanewcalender · 31/12/2011 16:20

They are taking over your hen night. It depends on whether you want a bunch of strangers who don't know you, there. If so, tell them the name of the company that you have booked the mini bus through and where you are staying and leave the friend to sort it out.

Personally i wouldn't want them there, it isn't a random night out but the start to your wedding celebrations.

bochead · 31/12/2011 16:21

She's bonkers!!!

Tell her there is no room on the bus & it is to celebrate your hen night, traditionally a brides last chance to let down their hair with their closest female friends/relatives. (Just in case she's from Outer Mongolia).

Tell her she's more than welcome to organise her own event for her pals on an alternate date - you'd love to come ; )

Repeat - she's bonkers (& incredibly rude - let her and she'll ruin your hen night!)

theincredibequeenofwands · 31/12/2011 16:22

Ooooo, very cheeky.

A regular night out is fine (ish) but this is your hen night!!

Uninvite the lot of them!!

mrsjay · 31/12/2011 16:24

This isnt a night out this is your hen night 1 friend was fine for company for her but now 7 tell her to get stuffed , cheeky moo ,

Original poster
Surprisebride · 31/12/2011 16:25

Thanks ladies, thought I may be being a bit of a killjoy! That's the thing Diddl, if it was just a normal night out we were arranging it would be fine!

OP posts:
Groovee · 31/12/2011 16:27

Inviting before asking the first time was rude, the second time is taking the piss. Tell her that it's YOUR hen night and that it's invite only from the bride.

Annpan88 · 31/12/2011 16:28

Realised after I typed it, forgot how people feel about the world bitch

FWIW I use it in a jovial way and would refer to a man in such a way.

mrsjay · 31/12/2011 16:30

Suprisebride maybe your friend thought your hen night needed padded out a bit iyswim and thought she was doing a good thing still weird and rude though , My sil wanted to bring her sisters to mine i went away for the weekend with just 6 friends sil said oh it will be beter with more there , i said erm no im fine with 6 ,

nicknamenotinuse · 31/12/2011 16:32

Tell her as it's your hen night that you'd like to invite only people you know. What a cheeky bitch she is. (you don't have to tell her the last bit but you can if you want!) x

bochead · 31/12/2011 16:33

Oh and there's no "we" to YOUR hen night ffs it's YOUR NIGHT!

Who she has "invited" is not your problem, neither will it be any great loss if she drops out in a huff based on current performance. Please don't feel obliged to try and "clean up" her social faux pas to people you don't even know!

(A lot of the best conversation hen night is based on "in jokes" between friends about previous disatrous liasons before meeting "the one" etc. It's probably the one time in life when you are supposed to be cliquey. How are you supposed to share intimate secrets and giggles with a bunch of total strangers? )

Bonkers!