Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Two cold potatoes and nothing else...AIBU?

70 replies

TheCokeMachine · 30/12/2011 21:56

We have a 9 week old baby, I've been out three times alone since she was born, once for a night with friends, once for a haircut and today to meet a friend at her place for a couple of hours this evening.

I normally do all housework, baby stuff, pet stuff, shopping and everything - I also contribute half to all of the household outgoings despite being on maternity leave and having reduced earnings (just setting the scene here so no drip feed!).

I would never ever not make a meal for all of us every evening...and he even gets to sleep in a seperate room so the baby doesn't wake him at night as he has a stressful job and is a light sleeper.

Today I went to a friends house at 4pm, hubby offered to look after the baby so I could have some time off as he's on annual leave. I stayed with friend until 7pm, drank some wine and then called hubby and offered to pick up a takeaway on the way home...he said no because he would cook what was in the fridge (a ready meal for two and a bottle of Cava). So I say cool, I'll be home within the hour for dinner, see you soon...

I get home just over an hour later, the house is a tip, the babies bottles have not been sterislised/made up and all that is left of the ready meal is two tiny cold potatoes in a foil tray. The Cava is still intact thank fuck!!

Now he says he thought I was at a restaurant without him and didn't have time to cook dinner for me or make the babies bottles for the night. I'm bloody furious, should I just drink the Cava, get drunk and verbally abuse him and let him look after the baby all night. Or should I just post this in relationships and get a fucking divorce before I even ask.

I'm furuious - even a cheese toastie would have been ok, but to come home to two cold potatoes...wtf? He's gone to bed and took the baby with him. AIBU to neck the Cava and gob off like a fish wife on Mumsnet?

OP posts:

rhondajean · 31/12/2011 13:51

Wow I would have trusted my DH with our children from birth. As he is their parent. And I wouldn't have chosen to reproduce with someone who was that incapable. In fact, he stayed with Dd1 at four days old,while I went to my DGMs funeral alone.

Natation are you for real????

AmberLeaf · 31/12/2011 14:17

natation.... no it isnt really

Mumsnet as ever an eyeopner as to the uselessness of some people and those that enable them.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/12/2011 15:09

My DH would be horrified if I insinuated he wasn't capable of looking AFTER HIS OWN DAUGHTER for a few hours. I wonder why some women marry the idiots they do particularly with the threads at the moment.

OP yours might be salvageable.

Haziedoll · 31/12/2011 15:11

I thought natation was being sarcastic.

hackmum · 31/12/2011 15:25

I think "Drink the Cava" could be an all-purpose solution to any problem on these threads.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/12/2011 15:28

I hope it was sarcasm.

SauvignonBlanche · 31/12/2011 15:35

It's a bit different when you're BFing, leaving a 9week old with anyone, child's father, or not, is not an option.

Yuuule · 31/12/2011 15:35

Probably just a communication problem.

You thought he was preparing dinner for you both. He thought it was for him as you had already eaten restaurant (he thought).

Had you suggested he make up the bottles before you got back? If not, then he probably didn't even think to. If you always do it, it wouldn't have entered his head or.. it might but he would have a niggle that it wouldn't be the way you wanted them done (either way he loses).

All the 'problems' you mentioned could be easily put right and quickly (it was only 8pm ish) and you could all have settled down to a nice evening with the cava.

Maybe you both need to communicate a bit more what you expect of each other (without blowing a fuse).

SauvignonBlanche · 31/12/2011 15:37

Not suggesting for a second that is the only way to do things, just explaining why some posters have made the comments they have!

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 31/12/2011 15:49

"I normally do all housework, baby stuff, pet stuff, shopping and everything - I also contribute half to all of the household outgoings despite being on maternity leave
"I went to a friends house at 4pm, hubby offered to look after the baby so I could have some time off as he's on annual leave"

These bothered me far more than the cold potatoes.
So what exactly does he do, other than graciously assenting to spend a few hours with his own baby now and then if he happens to feel like it?

cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 31/12/2011 17:25

Yes you must drink the cava. And have some cheese and biscuits and laugh about what a useless twat he has been. Stay on mums net and find lots of things to make you laugh out loud. They are all tossers at times!!!!!!

Witchofthenorth · 31/12/2011 18:03

natnation???????? Wow, just fucking wow! Not with husband while kids are under a year......are you having a fucking laugh! And you accept this?

I am quite stunned...

natation · 01/01/2012 10:02

Ok yes exaggerating a bit and being sarcastic! But really when I had just given birth and was breastfeeding exclusively until 6 months, it really didn't occur to me to look for any "me" time in those months, and I'm quite impressed by a partner who has already been left with full responsibility for such a young baby. I don't see what the problem is putting the baby's needs to be fed above my own.

I could easily picture returning home after going out for the evening, to find the dinner my hubby said he'd cooked either not cooked or consumed by him! And my hubby is great, does plenty of housework, takes the children to their activities, it's pretty much a 50/50 split when you count home and work hours, but one area he is lacking in is LISTENING!!!!

AmberLeaf · 01/01/2012 10:52

I'm quite impressed by a partner who has already been left with full responsibility for such a young baby

Substitute partner for Father and a young baby for his young baby

You originally said under a year old not 6 moths, not that that makes much difference TBH.

Always amazes me when women have the attitude that men cant parent their children, I know if you are breastfeeding its different but lots of women express for all sorts of reasons one being so that the father can be involved in feeding too.

dampanddrizzly · 01/01/2012 11:03

Probably just a communication problem. You thought he was preparing dinner for you both. He thought it was for him as you had already eaten restaurant (he thought).

exactly my thoughts. why, instead of throwing a strop, didnt you just say oh how disappointing, not to worry i will get the pizza while you sort the bottles out.

sorted. no dramas, no tantrums

CheerfulYank · 01/01/2012 11:06

I gave birth to DS on a Wednesday, came home on Friday and went out for brunch with friends that Sunday. It wasn't putting my own needs ahead of DS's as all his needs were being met at home. With his father. For two hours.

Why on earth would I not be able to leave DH alone with his own child? I was alone with DS when DH was at work...

natation · 01/01/2012 11:09

Well hubby was a great father in the first 6 months, first 12 months, first 15 years, it's just that I could not see why on earth I would need or want to leave him with full responsibility for a baby at such a young age. My hubby is quite able to parent his own children thank you - having left him at home with 3 children last night whilst our youngest had an emergency operation, I think he is quite capable as a parent, when we came home this morning, the 3 other children were still alive :-). But a baby at 9 weeks with hubby alone, well I simply did not want to leave our babies at that age, nor at 6 months, finally at 12 months when I went back to work, he looked after each child in turn. Sorry, I cannot see why after caring for a baby for 9 months in the womb, there is the huge hurry to separate a mother and newborn baby.

Sorry OP, a bit far from your original post, yes OP's partner was probably a bit dumb, but probably was doing what he thought was right and got it rather wrong.

CheerfulYank · 01/01/2012 11:14

But...I had full responsibility for DS for four months, all day every day, until I went back to work, while DH worked. Why would he not be able to have "full responsibility" for a few hours while I went to see some friends? Honestly , not trying to be obtuse!

And I hope your youngest DC is feeling better. :)

natation · 01/01/2012 11:28

erh well on demand breastfeeding does require the presence of the source! I was useless at expressing but even if I had been able to express, I simply did not feel any need to visit friends without baby either, that does not make hubby a bad or useless father, I don't think it made me a bad mother either. And I am quite far from being one of those mums who cannot let go, who phones creche/school up every half hour to see how LO is doing without me, who accompanies their children to every single activity as if the umbilical cord is still attached, but in the first few months, I had absolutely no desire to be parted from the newborn. Each to ones own I suppose.

Yuuule · 01/01/2012 11:41

Natation, I was similar to you in that I felt more at ease with the baby nearby for a long time. I wouldn't have chosen to go out with a friend for a couple of hours even, without the baby. Didn't mean I didn't trust the dad to look after the baby just that I felt more settled with the baby near me. Just different outlooks and feelings. However, the op was okay with leaving the baby with its father for a couple of hours while out with a friend and that's okay too. She was just a bit put out that he hadn't done things how she would have done them and there was a misunderstanding with the dinner arrangement. Hopefully, they've resolved things by now.

I did have to leave a ebf 2 week old for three hours when I had to sit the practical part of an exam. It was fine. I fed the baby before I left and as soon as I came back (even though the baby was still settled:) ).

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread