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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to have paid towards parking?

68 replies

youarekidding · 30/12/2011 16:53

OK, asking because if IABU I will give some money over.

We planned a cinema trip with friends, 2ad and 3 DC's (her DD's 6&8 and my DS 7 (yo))

Friend lives 10 minutes (max) walk from town so I said we'd meet at hers and we agreed to walk as car park for the length of time we would be there was £6 Shock

Friend said go round bit earlier as her DC's wanted to play outside on new toys and DS could take roller blades.

So we turn up an hour half before time to leave and something happened between her 2 which left elder one screaming blue murder and having an hour long strop. Friend then said she wasn't going to go as her DD1 behaviour. I offered to take her DD2 but she said no - so I asked if she minded DS and I waiting at hers for the 20 minutes before we left? Not a problem she says.

Ten minutes later she announces she is getting ready to go but need to hurry as only has ten minutes now Confused. Her youngest DD then began to moan and whinge about walking and refusing to walk there. Using weather as an excuse. (was a little windy and had a quick shower half an hour before when they were outside). The whining went on and on and I said we had better get going or we wouldn't get there in time to book tickets and have a burger king as planned before the film started.

The stropping went on delaying my friend further until she said 'I'll have to drive now or we're going to be too late'. DS wanted to walk so I said we would leave and meet them there but her DD2 moaned again so DS said 'Oh I'll go in the car then if it keeps you quiet' Shock Grin

At this point I again mentioned cost of parking and that I couldn't afford it all but friend said driving was the only option and she had change on her. She said DS and I may as well go in the car with her as she'd have to.

So we go, book tickets, have burger king, get sweets and drink and go to film.

When we get out friend says if I wait with DC's she'll get the car park ticket (machine in different direction to car).

Then proceeded to mention the cost (£6) and how expensive it was for the rest of the afternoon.

I replied once 'I know that's why I said to walk'.

I get the feeling she wanted me to offer to pay some towards it - which at the time I didn't have enough cash on me as only took what I knew we'd need iyswim?

So been paid today - should I offer her half the cost or AIBU to think that as it was her and her DD's fault we went in the car she should stump up the charges? Not a major issue I'll admit but will do the right thing according to the MN jury!

OP posts:
spudinvasion · 30/12/2011 16:56

Hmm tricky but I think since you had already mentioned you couldn't really afford the parking and you had every intention of walking, she should suck it up.

FunnysInTheGarden · 30/12/2011 16:56

for £3 I'd leave it. Next time you pay for something extra if you feel you need to.

AnyoneforTurps · 30/12/2011 16:57

Nah, YANBU, her choice to drive and you had clearly told her in advance that you couldn't afford to pay for parking. YWBBU if you had jumped at the chance of a lift then not shared the cost, but that isn't what happened.

dexter73 · 30/12/2011 16:58

I would pay the £3 just to keep the peace. She was in the wrong though to ask for it.

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 30/12/2011 17:00

It sounds like you made it pretty clear that paying for the parking wasn't on your agenda so YANBU. It's not as if you won't along with it and then bailed out at the last minute, she knew you didn't want to pay.

springboksaplenty · 30/12/2011 17:01

I think you'd be perfectly entitled not to pay as you had specifically said about not affording the cost and wanting to walk. So YANBU. But if my friend was the type to go on about something, and this was a one off (ie she didn't constantly pick the more expensive option and railroad you into paying half) I'd probably stump up the £3. But only if I knew she wasn't rolling in it

LovesBloominChristmas · 30/12/2011 17:02

No, you didn't want to drive and was going to walk and met her there, does she expect petrol money too?

Original poster
youarekidding · 30/12/2011 17:07

It was definatly the whole not having the money. I had £20 (end of the month!) which I had put by for the trip. Cinema is £10.40 entry for DS and I and then BK is another £8. The sweets were cheap packet from Wilkies ad a carton of juice. (Obv I didn't have them!)

But also there is a slight principle if I'm honest, that the reason we drove was because of the chaos and behaviour of her DD's. My DS would of, and wanted to walk. It was quite an uncomfortable hour and a half before we left (although friend dealt with the behaviour and couldn't have predicted it!) Her house is not even a mile from the cinema!

Dexter she didn't actually ask tbf to her, just seemed to keep mentioning it as if I should offer. We are meeting on Monday so I will buy her a coffee and say it's because she paid for parking.

OP posts:
PercyFilth · 30/12/2011 17:14

No, as it was all cleared up at the outset.

But putting myself in your friend's place, I would probably bang on about the cost of parking simply as a rant against the council or whoever, and it wouldn't occur to me that it might come over as a heavy hint for a contribution.

festi · 30/12/2011 17:17

yanbu but if it makes you feel better pay extra for something else another time or pay parking another time.

I do not drive and often go out with a friend and her dcs, who does drive. I often have to make a run for the ticket machine to stop her paying for the parking and she never ever seems to ask or expect me to do it, often she says no dont be silly you payed last time. But I see it as its her perol and car etc. So I should pay parking, but I would not apply this rule to your situation. dont worry about it.

It all seemed a bit of a nightnmare are they normaly like this? if so I would only arrange to meet them at the final destination to avoid being caught nup in the dramas in future.

Original poster
youarekidding · 30/12/2011 17:20

festi they are 'vocal' children - yes! Her DD2 does have a habit of trying to control how things are done. When we go out altogther we use her car (mines only 4 seater) and I always contribute towards petrol/ pay parking etc but would have factored this into the cost of the day iyswim?

OP posts:
dexter73 · 30/12/2011 18:04

I would think paying for a coffee would be a good way of dealing with it. Next time (if there is one!) could you meet her at the cinema?

Original poster
youarekidding · 30/12/2011 18:20

dexter I will pay for coffee but meeting at cinema would mean I have to pay parking - I live too far away! The reason I suggest meeting at her's for going into town is she lives about 10 minutes walk away. If I go in I park and walk in. (free parking is about 5 minutes away).

OP posts:
rhondajean · 30/12/2011 18:25

I moaned about the cost of parking to my non driving friend on a day out a few months back and she insisted on giving me half and I've felt awful ever since. It was nothing to do with her giving me money, I'd have had to drive and park whether she had been there or not, but it was an over priced rip off and I wanted to moan.

Serenitysutton · 30/12/2011 18:28

Nah don't worry about I bet she doesn't really give a crap. It was just a stressful afternoon and she was all ramped up with stress and when it gets like that you get annoyed at everyone. You've not done anything wrong.

FabbyChic · 30/12/2011 18:28

If you take your parking ticket in to the cinema you get reduced parking, you do here in Gunwharf.

thisisyesterday · 30/12/2011 18:38

no there is no need.
you had every intention of walking an she offered to take you.

she was prepared to pay the full amount if you'd walked, as you said you were going to.
and it was her choice not to walk

absolutely no need at all to give her any money

Original poster
youarekidding · 30/12/2011 18:44

Ah Fabby thanks worth knowing that for future. We went to Apollo in Fareham though. Think Port Solent is free parking but a rip off entry!

serenity probably! She had had a hell of an hour and a half before we left (she was amazing though keeping calm) and feel she just gave in and drove to stop anymore agro.

Maybe the talk of the cost was aimed at her DD's? as in - look how much your behaviour has cost me. I'm wondering that now as her eldest asked her to go and get some rolls from shop (instead of sandwiches) and she mentioned parking costs again at that point whilst saying no.

OP posts:
festi · 30/12/2011 18:50

no free parking in fareham, what a nightmare Grin, is the new tesco free if you produce a receipt? havent visited it yet.

Bogeyface · 30/12/2011 18:57

Well I think that she made the decision to drive and insisted you might as well go with her, so it was down to her to pay the parking.

But like you, I would probably buy her a coffee or something next time.

However, am I the only one slightly Hmm at her not seeing through the punishment of not going to the cinema? I think it explains the kids behaviour, they know there are no consequences!

Original poster
youarekidding · 30/12/2011 19:03

Tesco is free for 1 1/2 I think (no receipt needed) and so is ALDI. I usually park up by Leisure centre and walk as anything closer is residents or a rip off expensive. Also can only park for less than 5 hours in town.

OP posts:
Original poster
youarekidding · 30/12/2011 19:03

festi you in Fareham then?

OP posts:
festi · 30/12/2011 19:05

gosport

PurplePidjInAPearTree · 30/12/2011 19:14

You're all a bunch of scunners Grin

My nearest is Southampton. i tried to go once with a mate from Lymington but her last train home was at half nine!! Parking is a similar ridiculous amount which from 20 or so miles away makes a cinema trip for two cost nearly £40. I'd rather go for a nice quiet meal in a decent pub and have an actual conversation with whoever I'm with

festi · 30/12/2011 19:18

Grin puprlepid,

thought it was scummers though or is that just southampton Grin