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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

At my dad (trivial and pfb-sorry)

37 replies

junsab · 29/12/2011 23:22

I'm staying at my mums with 12 week DS. He's currently asleep in the spare bedroom

We have 3 bathrooms including an ensuite in the spare room. Despite the others, everyone always wants to take a shower in the ensuite one because they all prefer it to the others!

So my dads just taken a shower there and I got annoyed that he may have woken up DS. He just looked a bit meh and said he didn't see the big deal as he was quiet. I made a bit of a fuss about it.

AIBU? DS is my first. I get really really stressed about his routines and sleep. I also think I have mild PND which may be making me irrational

OP posts:
Original poster
junsab · 29/12/2011 23:23

That should read 'with' not 'at'

OP posts:
ILoveSanta · 29/12/2011 23:24

I would be the same, but I think i was probably PFB too. I just think people should put the needs and routines of small children above their own. Especially if there are other showers to use!

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 29/12/2011 23:24

Did he wake your DS up?

slavetofilofax · 29/12/2011 23:25

Yabu. You Dad can shower wher he likes in his own house. Couldn't you have used another bedroom for your ds to sleep in?

It doesn't sound like it did wake your ds up anyway, so what's the problem?

pictish · 29/12/2011 23:25

Yabu.

  1. It's his house for Christ's sake.
  2. Most babies would sleep through a steam train belting through the room.
randommoment · 29/12/2011 23:27

YANBU, but not worth having a massive row over. Are you getting reasonable nights of sleep yet?

cece · 29/12/2011 23:28

My babies all used to sleep through me watching TV in bed while they slept in their moses basket. Did you DS wake up? If not then it is a non issue really isn't it?

AgentZigzag · 29/12/2011 23:28

Waking your baby is neither a trivial or PFB matter!

I think it's something biological in you that will go to any lengths to let a sleeping baby lie Grin

It's not that big a deal in the scheme of the world, but just those few hours to get your head together before it all starts again are important.

Don't be too hard on him though, just give him a nod/wink and say you're sorry for kicking off and let it blow over Smile

Are you getting any help with your PND? If he's your first, it might not be as mild as you think?

CurlyJims · 29/12/2011 23:31

I can see both points here, Yanbu to expect that people should appreciate that you have a sleeping baby in there, however, a lot of people go ott with pfb and don't realise that when they tip toe around the sleeping baby, the baby will become used to silence and wake at any noise, people should carry on as normal around a baby and the baby will sleep through regular noises...

Perhaps you should try and relax a little more and not take things to heart so much! Your dad probably didn't even realise it was an issue!

Original poster
junsab · 29/12/2011 23:31

No he didn't wake up Blush
Slavetofilofax-DS was already asleep in the room. Only spare room for us to sleep in
Pictish- I wish my DS could sleep through a steam train! As it is he wakes quite easily

OP posts:
NotAnotherNewNappy · 29/12/2011 23:33

Actually I think YANBU - You were probably waiting for your DS to sleep so you can relax, right? And I presume it will be you, not your dad, who will spend ages shhh-ing DS back to sleep if he wakes up? And if you think you have PND then the anxiety all this is provoking in you iz probably making you feel completely sick and panicky Sad

Please go to your GP about the PND. I did and was prescribed CBT which has dramatically improved my life.

AgentZigzag · 29/12/2011 23:33

People used to cough and talk in the street outside when DD2 was asleep Angry

The Bastards.

Grin
pictish · 29/12/2011 23:35

But on this occasion he didn't so there was no issue.

Look I get it...I do. I've had three babies now and understand just how much you want them to be left in peace to sleep.

But you know....if you tiptoe around in fear of waking baby, and insist those around you do the same, your wee baby will NEED total silence to sleep in.
If, on the other hand, you carry on as normal, they very soon get used to settling themselves after a mild commotion, such as someone taking a shower in the next room, with no trouble at all.

Babies sleep through whatever they are used to. Honestly.

squeakytoy · 29/12/2011 23:36

So he didnt actually wake the baby up... Confused

Babies can sleep through all sorts of regular noise like that, and as you can see, he did. :) stop worrying and give your dad a hug!

Original poster
junsab · 29/12/2011 23:37

Agentzigzag- I've been referred for the PND and am seeing someone next week
I do stress and panic easily when things don't go as they should. For example if DS wakes up when he shouldn't, say an hour after going down, I get ridiculously upset.
We didn't row. I was just annoyed. My dad just nodded along and said ok. Think he thought I was ott but too nice to say anything more :)

OP posts:
Original poster
junsab · 29/12/2011 23:40

I just live for those few hours in the evening to myself and the thought of trying to get DS back to sleep made me feel a bit sick

Is it normal to feel like that?

OP posts:
Original poster
junsab · 29/12/2011 23:41

Sorry this is becoming less of an AIBU and more just a general rambling of my ishoos. I'll stop.

OP posts:
joanofarchitrave · 29/12/2011 23:42

I think it's normal but then I did have mild PND.

pictish · 29/12/2011 23:44

Junsab - it is normal actually. Those precious two/three hours to yourself are GOLD!

However, what I advised still stands....your baby will relax and sleep better if you DON'T all tiptoe around in silence. He will nap better during the day and settle more easily at night, if he used to the normal comings and goings of the home.

randommoment · 29/12/2011 23:46

Surely if a girl can't have a general rambling of her ishoos here, where on earth else can she? You ramble away as much as you like junsab!

Haziedoll · 29/12/2011 23:46

Yanbu. It is common courtesy to do what you can to avoid waking a sleeping baby. If they prefer to use the shower in the ensuite perhaps they should have warned you of this and given you the option of sleeping in a different room.

HippoPottyMouth · 29/12/2011 23:47

Yes yabu as you've already seen, but try and see it as a positive! Every time your ds hears stuff like this and stays asleep (or even better, stirs and goes back to sleep on his own!), he's learning a very valuable skill! I know it can be stressful, and in the evenings, just when you think you're about to get some quality time to yourself , but it really is better in the long run for there to be backrlground noise to get used to.

BabySilvertooth · 29/12/2011 23:47

I really hope it is normal, I feel exactly the same. My DS is such a poor sleeper, that I have been watching TV with the subtitles on for the past months.

On saying that, we had a minor house fire this morning, and 2 smoke alarms were blaring away during his morning nap. He slept right through them, but woke up later when I tiptoed in to check if he was ok, and the floorboard creaked!! Xmas Confused

chipmunksex · 29/12/2011 23:48

'2. Most babies would sleep through a steam train belting through the room.'

This is rubbish-some babies might Hmm

HippoPottyMouth · 29/12/2011 23:49

(when i say yabu I only mean a tiny bit u, especially as he didn't actually wake him)