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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Passive agressive woman in Ikea today

44 replies

PumpkinBones · 29/12/2011 17:47

I don't think IABU (although naturally I know many would!). In fact I am really only posting this to get it off my chest. In IKEA with 2 DS's. THe younger, just turned 2, was playing at one of those little touch screen children's toy things they have dotted around the store. I wasn't looking at him, but he was resting against my knees. Apparently he pushed a little girl, aged around 4, who was also standing at the screen. Her mother, instead of simply saying to him "don't push" or saying to me "your DS pushed my daughter" started doing that really fucking annoying talking through the child thing, "Shall we go somewhere else, as SOME CHILDREN obviously have no manners" blah blah blah. So I asked her what she was talking about, she told me DS had pushed her daughter.So I said, well, why didn't you tell me instead of making snidey comments, I'm standing right here and I would have said something but I didn't see him do it. To which she said, "well perhaps you should have been watching him, he is a very little child you know and needs watching" (but not too little for sarcastic comments apparently) ffs I was standing in direct contact with him, whilst writing my sodding aisle and locations down! We went back and forth for a few minutes and then she backed off, still talking though her daughter "we'll put you in the trolley, as WE KNOW you're too little to be running around, don't we."

I'm not precious, I know my children, like all, can be naughty, and I would never care about other adults puling them up on their manners, behaviour etc, and we consistently do it ourselves. But what really annoyed me was the whole passive agressive doing it through comments to her child rather than simply saying something directly - even though I clearly would have heard, she seemed very taken aback when I challenged her.

It is all something of nothing, obviously, but this has annoyed me all day!

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 29/12/2011 17:49

I think for the sake of harmony I would've smiled, apologised and left her to it to be honest.

PumpkinBones · 29/12/2011 17:50

Yes, you're probably right...!

OP posts:
jade80 · 29/12/2011 17:51

She sounds like a twat. I'd have been tempted to put on a similar voice on say to them 'come on DC, SOME ADULTS obviously have no manners' and 'we won't put you in the trolley because we know you've not lost the use of your legs, don't we darling'.

Does that make me passive aggressive too? Grin

AlpinePony · 29/12/2011 17:51

Well done for calling her up on being snide, that takes guts! :)

jade80 · 29/12/2011 17:53

Valiumredhead may be right (in a sickeningly morally correct way Grin ), but I think I'd have had more satisfaction from the look on her face after doing it my way! Maybe I have ishoos!

valiumredhead · 29/12/2011 17:53

I think if someone said my dc had hit another child, my immediate reaction would be to apologise not stand there and ask her why she didn't say something to you directly - perhaps she thought you were being a tad aggressive?

Have you had a stressful Christmas OP ? Grin

PumpkinBones · 29/12/2011 17:59

Again, you're right - but, well, (justifying wildly) she said pushed not hit - I think he must have pushed her to try to get to the touch screen thing. They were both standing side by side though, and it was her who pulled the daughter away - the little girl didn't seem to have reacted at all. But then, I wasn't watching properly, as was established. It seemed a bit extreme to describe a 2 year old as having no manners as well - needing to learn to share would have been more accurate! Maybe I am precious after all...!

It was a generally stressful day prior to this Grin

OP posts:
PumpkinBones · 29/12/2011 18:02

Also, if this had been my older DS I would probably have apologised first - at nearly 6, if he had pushed or hit it would have been with intent, and I would have dealt with this. I would have still thought her snidey though!

OP posts:
Igo2work4Arest · 29/12/2011 18:03

No you did right she is a bitch. Next time them.

Igo2work4Arest · 29/12/2011 18:04

Next time hit them.

marriedandwreathedinholly · 29/12/2011 18:11

I've never really understood what passive aggressive is so am unable to comment.

SweetLilyTea · 29/12/2011 18:12

Ikea brings out the worst in everyone Wink

TheMonster · 29/12/2011 18:17

Two year olds will push each other. Your child was being a normal child.

However, from her point of view, to make the comment that she did on the spur of the moment was fine. Ikea was probably packed and she was stressed.

YOur response would only have provoked her further.

Forget about it.

HeidiKat · 29/12/2011 18:35

Oh I hate it when people do that wanky talking through the child thing too, a couple of years ago pre DC when I was a smoker I was out on my break from work looking in a shop window and smoking when this woman and her children came up and stood right beside me and she started going "Oh PFB how awful you are getting smoke near you, isn't that lady silly, etc.". If you don't like it don't come and stand right beside someone who is smoking, it's not like it was a bus stop or anything she had no need to be in that exact spot.

BleurghUna · 29/12/2011 18:51

Woudln't happen in Laura Ashley. Xmas Wink

BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers · 29/12/2011 19:49

YANBU

Well done for calling her on being a smartarse twat.

newgirl · 29/12/2011 19:56

I could have been either of you on any given day. Kids/ikea/sale times - never going to be a lovely relaxed experience. Just forget about it and maybe vow only to go to ikea on quiet evenings with no kids

TheMonster · 29/12/2011 19:58

Or Christmas Eve! It was blissfully empty.

gamerwidow · 29/12/2011 20:02

I think you've both been a bit daft, her for making silly comments and you for rising to it and over reacting. Don't waste anymore time thinking about this it's just of those things.

I'm doing an IKEA run tomorrow and am leaving DD with my mum because that place makes me want to kill at the best of times :)

MogTheForgetfulCat · 29/12/2011 20:02

Oh, I hate that sort of thing - someone without the cojones to actually address a situation directly and instead talking through their child in a loudly snide voice. Ugh. What a silly twit she was. I would probably not have called her on it, and instead seethed all the way home, wishing I had. So I think YANBU!

pigletmania · 29/12/2011 20:02

"we'll put you in the trolley, as WE KNOW you're too little to be running around, don't we."Shock, how old does she think her dd is 14 months ffs!

YANBU at all, silly woman.

yellowraincoat · 29/12/2011 20:06

Oh, seriously, you did the right thing.

Having said that, I am a right passive aggressive huffing idiot at times. I just can't STAND people who stop dead in front of me, or who block the doorway in shops, so when it happens, I do a big passive aggressive SIGH.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 29/12/2011 20:09

Like Valium said, I think in the situation I would have just apologised and left it. From experience, people like the woman you came across can't be reasoned with and live in their own little world of passive aggressiveness where they think they are right. I would have just said "Oh, sorry" and refused to discuss it further. I think she wanted a reaction from you and you gave her a reaction for sure.

SauvignonBlanche · 29/12/2011 20:09

YANBU she sounds very annoying.

Insomnia11 · 29/12/2011 20:24

I just can't STAND people who stop dead in front of me, or who block the doorway in shops, so when it happens, I do a big passive aggressive SIGH.

Really? I just step on the back of their ankles :)