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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Passive agressive woman in Ikea today

44 replies

PumpkinBones · 29/12/2011 17:47

I don't think IABU (although naturally I know many would!). In fact I am really only posting this to get it off my chest. In IKEA with 2 DS's. THe younger, just turned 2, was playing at one of those little touch screen children's toy things they have dotted around the store. I wasn't looking at him, but he was resting against my knees. Apparently he pushed a little girl, aged around 4, who was also standing at the screen. Her mother, instead of simply saying to him "don't push" or saying to me "your DS pushed my daughter" started doing that really fucking annoying talking through the child thing, "Shall we go somewhere else, as SOME CHILDREN obviously have no manners" blah blah blah. So I asked her what she was talking about, she told me DS had pushed her daughter.So I said, well, why didn't you tell me instead of making snidey comments, I'm standing right here and I would have said something but I didn't see him do it. To which she said, "well perhaps you should have been watching him, he is a very little child you know and needs watching" (but not too little for sarcastic comments apparently) ffs I was standing in direct contact with him, whilst writing my sodding aisle and locations down! We went back and forth for a few minutes and then she backed off, still talking though her daughter "we'll put you in the trolley, as WE KNOW you're too little to be running around, don't we."

I'm not precious, I know my children, like all, can be naughty, and I would never care about other adults puling them up on their manners, behaviour etc, and we consistently do it ourselves. But what really annoyed me was the whole passive agressive doing it through comments to her child rather than simply saying something directly - even though I clearly would have heard, she seemed very taken aback when I challenged her.

It is all something of nothing, obviously, but this has annoyed me all day!

OP posts:
EmmaBemma · 29/12/2011 20:34

"I just can't STAND people who stop dead in front of me"

You'll find that if you don't walk so close to people that you're practically breathing down their necks, it won't cause you any problems should they suddenly stop. Also, you might want to look up the meaning of "passive aggressive" - when you SIGH at someone you've never met for not melting into the background to facilitate your queenly passage, you're not being passive aggressive, you're just being an obnoxious twat.

pictish · 29/12/2011 20:35

Well OP you did better than me, because I would've played right into her hands and told the silly bitch to fuck off.

Fluffycloudland77 · 29/12/2011 20:37

Some poor bugger has to live with her, he probably got "a child pushed pfb, I was outraged" etc.

It's not like he's 10 or anything.

MynameisnotEarl · 29/12/2011 20:43

I would have just apologised to her, it's not worth stressing about imo.

Shock pictish - really?

yellowraincoat · 29/12/2011 20:43

Yes, well, I live in London, you can't really help being a step behind people most of the time.

Also, it turns you into an obnoxious twat, what can I say :O

MidsomerM · 29/12/2011 20:45

I think YABU. I find conflict very uncomfortable and unpleasant so I would rather tell my child that we should go somewhere else than confront another parent. It's just another way of drawing attention to something a child has done.

On hearing that your son pushed another child, you should have apologised, not picked a fight with the woman, who was already the "wronged" party.

humblehippo · 29/12/2011 20:51

YANBU I hate that "talking through the child"

I did snigger while reading this as I can imagine just the sort you mean.

EnjoyResponsibly · 29/12/2011 20:56

Ikea makes me a bit stabby in a not at all passive aggressive way. I like to avoid it, as emitting a constant low growl seems to offend.

BandOMothers · 29/12/2011 21:01

I would have said "Now darling...we must get along out of here because WE are mature...unlike some people...we know it''s rude to talk ABOUT people rather than TO them."

She sounds precious.

Animation · 29/12/2011 21:09

BandOMothers Xmas Grin

EmmaBemma · 29/12/2011 21:30

yellowraincoat - sorry, I was more than a little obnoxious myself back there. I think I'm projecting, I've been huffed at once too often in the supermarket.

fireandthefury · 29/12/2011 21:43

So what did you say to your DS after it became clear he'd pushed another child?

skybluepearl · 29/12/2011 21:46

you were both in the wrong. she should have been more up front initially and you should have said sorry

DoMeDon · 29/12/2011 21:53

She handled it badly but you didn't cover yourself in glory. Better to work on your own interpersonal skills than let this bother you all day. You can only change your own behaviour not that of others. She sounds a supercillious knobber!!

frumpet · 29/12/2011 21:56

DH and I decided to go to ikea one new years day , with the children in tow. Sorry i cant go on the flashbacks are starting ..................aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh

everlong · 29/12/2011 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

suebfg · 29/12/2011 22:10

I think you're being a tad unreasonable. Some people don't feel comfortable making a direct approach but say things to get them off their chest.

Yes, she was overreacting if your DS is only 2 and her DD was 4 - I'd have turned a blind eye to this/made excuses for his young age.

WidowWadman · 29/12/2011 22:17

I guess if she had told of your kid herself or approached you asking you to stop your child from pushing hers you'd be still moaning here on how unreasonable she was.

Personally I get annoyed if people let their toddlers run free to do whatever without intervening when they attack another toddler. The attack needn't be vicious. Yes, toddlers are like that, they're uncoordinated, and they sometimes push. Doesn't mean that you should just let them get on with pushing and ignore it.

WidowWadman · 29/12/2011 22:21

Ah, just seen, you said it wouldn't have bothered you if she had approached you, or your child. But she can't know that. You could have been one of those who'd react aggressively to be approached or their child being told of.

I usually stick to filthy looks rather than passive aggressive through child speaking, though

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