to think that the French can't cook?

[Idratherbemuckingout]

I base this on experience, as I live in France. Okay, they have lovely restaurants, but the general public CANNOT cook.
My friend Dominique has just told my husband that she has bought a turkey for her family. She is going to boil it. He explained how the english cook theirs, but she thought it sounded too complicated.
Hmmm.
In the supermarkets you can of course buy fresh food, but having stood behind french people at the till countless times and seen their mountains of ready prepared meals, I doubt that many of them actually BUY the fresh food. Or if they do, that they cook anything interesting out of it.
I have a friend called Isabelle who is quite mad. We asked her once if she liked spicy food, thinking to cook her a curry. She declared that she did, but that she would bring us her signature dish. Chocolate Chicken. Yes, I kid you not, it was like chicken in chocolate sauce and it was NOT very spicy.
She also once asked us if we liked eating snails, and foolishly we said yes. "Ah," she said, "I 'ave a secret recipe zat I will cook for you. I shall collect snails in my garden (!!!!) and put zem in my snail 'otel and feed them special food and zen we will eat them together."
Well, the first year they died (silent sighs of relief) but the second year she did it again, and we were duly invited to her house. The kids refused point blank to go. DH tried to but I made him come with me. She had cooked us 200 snails. TBH they tasted much like all the other snails I have eaten - snaily. Not enough garlic in my opinion. That wouldn't have been so bad, but she followed it up with duck with apricots (very rich too) and then American Peach Pie. We had indigestion for days.
ANd they can't make coffee either. Never have I been to a french house and had a decent cup of coffee, or tea either if it comes to that.
They don't seem to possess kettles you see, so they heat the water in the microwave, to not boiling point. Then they give you the cup of hot water and a sachet (I kid you not) of instant coffee to stir into it, or a teabag to dunk.
My DS was at the local primary school and after the Christmas (not) spectacular, we stayed for the buffet meal. Poo Sausage was the highlight. You know you are mixing with peasants when the offal is high on the menu.
Poo Sausage (my DH called it that)is actually called Andouille, and is a bit like chitterlings, should any of you know what those are - ie made of some horrible bit of the insides of an animal.

I could go on, but I won't or this is going to look like an essay.

So, CDSH, your problems are:
Frozen "english-style" veg instead of traditional fresh french veg.
Bread is not available in sliced loaves that keep for at least a week.
There is little availability of fresh milk.
No sliced bacon.
Too many sweet things for guests.
Tea not the same as in Britain.

Is that it or did you have more to add? Might I suggest "Lack of deep-fried fish 'n' chips" as an additional item?
Also, I think the French are mostly lacking in deep-fried mars bars. you might want to point that out too.

Theala but do you go to Picard?

Oh Waterloo cheese is very very good

No doubt there are good British cheeses but there's more variety here, I reckon, and good cheese is everywhere, you don't have to hunt it down at Borough Market or go to Waitrose.

:) I've been to Picard about five times. For a time, they were the only place I could buy frozen red berries, then my local U got in on the act, thankfully. The last time I went, I was looking for an ice-cream cake, but tthe only they had was about 15 quid and tiny!

I'm addicted to their frozen chopped garlic and shallots... I put garlic and shallots in almost everything now!

They have frozen mango in now, YUM, it's not even that pricey

Strange! My parents live in France, they take us to absolutely amazing places to eat. Their french friends are fantastic cooks as are my parents.

Indeed, OP you sound bonkers and bigoted! The quality of ingredients in France is several pegs higher than here - the produce is better, the variety of meat, even in a small local supermarket, puts any Tesco to shame (rabbit, veal, gesiers, variety of fish), and has anyone mentioned the yoghurt? I have had more heavenly meals in France that I can remember. I'd kill for a bavette a l'echalotte right now and I've just finished dinner! Anyone who hasn't had a good meal in France, just PM me the next time you go to Paris, the Cote d'Azur or the Loire valley.

By the by, for all those complaining that the French can't make tea because they don't boil the water, in the Chinese tradition the water is not supposed to go higher than 80 to 100C - definitely not supposed to have boiled. So I guess by your (English) standards, the Chinese also can't make a decent cuppa? :D

idratherbemuckingout, is that an ingerlish name?
so 10 years in froggy France And you cant get a cuppa tetley?
lol, poo sausage , is here anything pleasant you can say about France?

Frozen chopped garlic and shallots...because chopping fresh garlic and onions is a big task.
Girl, I am looking at you like this :mimes suspicious and/or sceptical look: because WTf is with that? Frozen garlic. It takes thirty seconds to chop a fresh clove. That shit's just not right.

I think you have to accept that things will be a bit different from the way they are in the UK. That doesn't mean they are worse.

It's nice to go and get fresh baguette every day. And if you can't be bothered, than buy pain de mie or wholemeal bread or whatever takes your fancy- it will last a couple of days, easily (provided you buy it in a boulangerie).

Again, perhaps it's where you live, but I have never had a problem with buying bacon and if you really cannot get it in the supermarket, go to the boucherie and ask them to slice you some poitrine fume. Also, there's fresh milk in every supermarket here.

I have never, ever been taken for a ride by a shop/restaurant here- and I always check my receipts carefully.

Poo sausage is actually andouillette isn't it? Not andouille as in the OP

And it's also true that French cuisine is often simpler (ie less ingredients) than British. Because when you have amazing quality onglet and nice shallots or fresh sole and good butter etc then you don't need anything else, really.

I personally don't understand why British people eat spaghetti hoops (out of tin!) on bread. Carbs on carbs Totally vile. Or pasta bakes: pasta, tinned tuna and cheese . But that doesn't mean that there aren't lots of amazing dishes in British cuisine, or lots of good cooks.

So maybe you should stop complaining and see if there are other shops that will have what you want. And get over the tea thing, will you.

The tea thing is very annoying. Everyone else in the world makes it using luke warm water which taste horrible to me, but as we are the odd ones out I suppose I have to accept that maybe we are wrong!

I agree that the range of meat and cheese in French supermarkets is great, but I find fruit and veg can be hit and miss - quite often see shrivelled up mushrooms/peppers still on sale and overripe/bruised fruit. Strawberries often look good, but are totally tasteless. Also wish they would sell fresh milk not UHT.

Food in the South of France is generally OK, but have had very dissapointing food in the Paris and Northern France. Once had Bouef Bourginon in a beautiful restaurant in Beaune (heart of the Burgundy region where the dish comes from). The meat was fatty and chewy and the sauce had no flavour!

They do sell fresh milk. Grrrr.

Monoprix does, Franprix does, just checked Casino Geant website and they do as well...if Casino does it then I imagine Carrefour etc does as well...

Theala actually my main problem was how DH had hyped up the wonderful home cooking, delicious food and wonderful delicacies we would be experiencing!!
I just found the milk and situation a little odd....do French/Belgian people not eat cereal with fresh milk? The family owns a dairy farm, they don't even use their own cows milk....
And in the markets, the beautiful fresh vegetables all available quite cheaply, someone must buy them, obviously not DH's family though
And, another thing I have noticed, no pocket money type toys for the children to buy.
There were 'fish and chip' places, and a massive McDonalds type place.
And actually, the sweet things for guests were not just sweet, savoury too. I just felt guilty that the three kids were eating quite a lot, and relatives would just bring out more and more. Even though we were visiting nearly every day for a fortnight. It is hard to explain, but I didn't want to offend DH's family by saying no more, but then didn't want them to think the kids were being greedy or expecting more treats every single day.

My husband is French. He can't cook!!!

"do French/Belgian people not eat cereal with fresh milk? The family owns a dairy farm, they don't even use their own cows milk...."

No, they really don't. Milk is for babies. Cereal and milk is some sort of weird american import.

"And, another thing I have noticed, no pocket money type toys for the children to buy." I honestly find it really weird that you would see this as a problem.

Not many people eat spaghetti hoops on toast though do they? Children maybe.

I was really surpised by german friend who returned to Germany and whenever she visits the uk she has to be taken to an Indian resturant because she misses them so much. I couldn't actually believe that There weren't Indian resturants there but she said it's because they don't have the level of immigration from India Pakistan bangladesh as the uk has. Obv that's true but Indian people live all over the place! Random huh?

It's funny you say about not being able to get good quality food in supermarkets as you certainly can in the uk (a shame really, as that's pretty much what killed off high streets) however I don't think French tastes are that bad, I recall a protest through the streets of Paris when m&s announced they were closing their store there (ok, I know the French will set up a protest at anything but still, they did love m&s food)

I went on a French exchange back in my youth and didn't think much of the family's culinary offerings. I had fried peaches and cold lentils for dinner one day, and leftover pasta that had gone hard. To be fair I was a vegetarian, an alien concept to them. I had a tomato instead of meat. It was quite a nice tomato but not really a nutritional equivalent.

I wouldn't mind going to France one year on holiday but DH (now a veggie) says he is put off by the food! Which is a bit strange as we'd self-cater and he does like going to buy pain au chocolats.

I didn't realise that one can overboil water? When I was in France, I never had milk, black tea is quite delicious really. As soon as I got home though I was back to my litres of Yorkshire tea with Cravendale skimmed.

Cheese? I personally don't like the French cheeses that I've tried, I'm a cheddar girl really. I took 12 kilos of it to give to colleagues and they loved it - Waitrose Davidstow.

I miss them, I miss the lack of kettles and the vegetable dessert... I must go back for a visit.

For all those saying that OP isn't happy and why not just go somewhere else... you can't apply 'Leave the bastard' to a country, for goodness sakes... it's tongue-in-cheek, n'est pas?

Serenity- ok, but that, or the jacket potato with tinned beans, or pasta with tinned tuna...the French equivalent will be steak hache with some instant mash...so it's about equal in that respect imo.

Oh I see what you mean. Fair enough

Theala

I HATE chopping garlic. I don't care if that makes me a philistine, I hate it.

Have never used frozen before but the Picard version is grand.

I cook from scratch generally so I don't feel too guilty about one shortcut

True, Indian restaurants are rare in France. It's more to do with colonial influences: the British long had a presence in India and brought back the taste for Indian food. Likewise the North African and Indochinese cuisines have long been popular with the French for similar reasons.

(I love andouillette .... with some nice mustardy sauce and pile of creamy mash, ohhh yes)

Stilton is now pasteurised try Stichelton unpasteurised the way Stliton used to taste. Struggle to find good cheeses in Britain outside proper cheese shops or Waitrose - mostly supermarkets display 50 different types of cheddar and I don't get the British love of mature cheddar most of it is completely over powering and leaves a bitter after taste. Montgomery cheddar is a welcome exception. Give me some Cornish Yarg or Swaledale Ewes cheese. Nothing wrong with subtle.

In fact I love British, French, Italian and increasingly Irish Cheeses - they can all hold their head high as far as I'm concerned! ...and they are no doubt all guilty of a few crap products.