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AIBU?

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Original poster

I might be skinny but I'm not a man!

48 replies

ThePhantomPlopper · 29/12/2011 16:20

So fuck off with your - you're not a REAL woman unless you have 'curves'.

And my manly 28B tits breastfed very well thank you.

AIBU to suggest that weight related remarks can be offensive to the "skinny bloke like women too?" (yes that was how she described anyone under a size 10)

OP posts:
NewShooz · 29/12/2011 16:32

WHO said that? I'm a size 8, so im a slim build but definitely not 'skinny'.

My Mil once kindly referred to my 34b chest as 'bee stings' oh thanks for that! Hmm

scentednappyhag · 29/12/2011 16:34

YANBU. I'm a proper chub and it makes me cringe when people put down slim women who they are probably jealous of just to make themselves feel better. Real women are ones with vaginas.

Disclaimer, not trying to insinuate trans-women aren't real women, oh gosh, you know what I mean!

amichrissima · 29/12/2011 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect · 29/12/2011 16:36

I was skinny as a teenager and when I was in my 20s ,it used to hurt when people made offensive remarks abut my weight all the time

Original poster
ThePhantomPlopper · 29/12/2011 16:39

Woman who said it is a friend of a friend.

I hate talking about weight in RL, it makes me so uncomfortable.

OP posts:
kickingking · 29/12/2011 16:41

Who said that?

I'm slim and, when younger and even slimmer, used to get told things about 'real women' - my university boyfriend was very upset to be told by some bitchy girls on his course that he was only with me because he was scared of real women, and he must like little girls. (I'm short as well as slim, so assume that's what the little girl comment was about)

The poor bloke, it really offended him and no wonder.

marriedandwreathedinholly · 29/12/2011 16:41

usual suspect good Lord, we have something in common apart from Kent!

I would love to be skinny again though and never was once I hit about 30 although that was probably good because I lived my 20's on the edge of an eating disorder - 7st 10 at one point!

By the time I conceived ds was a 32dd and once he was born expanded to a 34J with expanders at the back. Was very very very very bad at breastfeeding though. MIL is as flat as a pancake and breastfed three until they were one, until they were one, 3 until they were one, recurring Grin

MixedBerries · 29/12/2011 16:45

I've never understood why it's ok to insult thin women but it's completely forbidden to pass comment on anyone large. I've never seen much evidence for "fattism" but frequently have to put up with comments such as "Christ, you're so skinny, do you just eat leaves all day or something?". Why is that ok? I'd never say to a fat person "Christ, you're so fat, do you just eat tubs of lard or cooking oil all day?" I'm not even THAT thin.

oiwheresthecoffee · 29/12/2011 16:45

I totally get this. I am very very slim. BMI of about 16 but im healthy and i eat. quite a lot actually and i hate comments like that eg. no one wants a bag of bones , women are sexier with curves etc etc.

OnemorningXmasCockMonkey · 29/12/2011 16:46

YANBU at all.

I'm fat, and it irks the hell out of me that any woman is deemed as not a 'real' woman because of her appearance. Real women are all shapes and sizes and should be valued as such.

PregolaLolaOnAlittleDonkey · 29/12/2011 16:54

i had a thread like this a while back and agree totally a real woman lives as a woman, and can be big or small i hate the whole REAL WOMAN campaign type things and the 'get real women to do everything' last time i checked you cut a size six she still bleeds, right ?

SoFreshNSoClean · 29/12/2011 16:59

Fwiw, I dont think it is ever OK to criticise a woman or make her feel about about herself based on her looks, body shape etc.

Us women really DO have to stick together on this issue. We get enough shit from men, the media etc.

confusedpixie · 29/12/2011 17:06

YADNBU

I get it all the time "Oh, you have 'manly' shoulders and no hips or boobs." "Your arms are too muscle-y to wear feminine things." Usually from my sisters but I had a couple of comments at my elder sister's wedding earlier this year as I was wearing a dress, which my 'manly' figure blatantly can't handle Angry

nix12 · 29/12/2011 17:31

I agree it's ridiculous and unfair, but I do think more overweight people get insults thrown at them, supported by the 'obesity crisis = NHS breakdown' argument, which makes it seem morally justifiable to criticise people's appearance...

In general slim women are praised in our society - look at all the covers of magazines - how many women on them are over a size 10?

Meglet · 29/12/2011 17:37

YANBU. I have ballerina boobs and tiny hips. I do look like a bookmark but am still pretty sure I'm female.

TheSmallClanger · 29/12/2011 17:40

I love the expression ballerina boobs.

The answer to all the "real women" blethering is to say "what does that make me then, an imaginary woman?"

fuzzypeach1750 · 29/12/2011 17:41

YADNBU! This real woman crap makes me so mad. I'm 5' 6" and a size 4 naturally. People always make shitful comments to which I say well I must be a real woman seeing as I've had 3 DC. It makes me so mad that people comment on anyone else's body shape or size Angry We were all born to be different Grin

PregolaLolaOnAlittleDonkey · 29/12/2011 17:41

nix to be honest nobody is praised in our society not for long anyway your too fat or too skinny and if your in between you probably have cellulite or a crooked nose, so i don't see that as a great argument really and i don't see how you can say more overweight people get insults unless you just mean more overweight people that you know and who inform you because i know a load of slim women who are forever being insulted but always being told its a 'compliment' and not to be so easily offended or that there probably just jealous does not make it any better imo

if i called an overweight lady a heffa i doubt she would accept i was clearly jealous and complimenting her at the same time

DressingGownSnowQueen · 29/12/2011 17:47

I completely agree OP.

I don't really like being skinny, but I can't help it. I eat alot, I just have a slim body type. I wish I had bigger boobs, although my tiny ones are still feeding my 20 month old dd so they are obviously in good working order.

I have recently had a few comments about my size. People don't realise that it is just as hurtful to me as it would be to a bigger person.

I hate all this Real Woman stuff. It just makes me feel unattractive Sad

fuzzypeach1750 · 29/12/2011 17:50

dressinggown I agree about it making you feel unattractive. I somehow manage to eat like a pig but after endless comments along the lines of oh you look anorexic, I've started downing complan instead of regular drinks. It's not making any bloody difference and now I feel like an unattractive stick who can't even manage to put weight on Hmm

I worry for my DD and how the images we see and the comments people make will effect her when she is older Sad

TheProvincialLady · 29/12/2011 17:55

OP you may have small boobs, but they are definitely not manly ones. No such things - except actual man boobs but that is not the same thing at all

Real Women are overweight women with very bubbly personalities who drink too much lambrini and love indulging themselves with Thorntons chocolates and a day at a spa with 15 of their closest friends. They don't actually exist because it is marketing notion designed to flog Boots boxed sets of toiletries.

Actual real women are all shapes and sizes and you don't need to justify yourself to anyone. FWIW I have largeish breasts and would swap with you any day.

nix12 · 29/12/2011 17:56

The 'real woman' thing is just a backlash against the fact that being slim is idealised. If it's not, then why are there whole multi-million pound industries built around women trying to be slim?

I am a size 6 - 8 (just in the healthy BMI range) and I would far rather be that than overweight. I have had a few comments from 'friends' about being too thin etc. but not the constant belittling you describe. I hope you tell the people who say such things that they are being quite rude. If that doesn't have any effect maybe next time you SHOULD respond by calling them a heffer and see how they react? (I would never have the balls to do it myself but I would quite like to hear about it! )

nix12 · 29/12/2011 17:57

And all this 'all men only like curvy women' is total nonsense as I'm sure we all know Wink. Men like lots of different kinds of shapes of woman, including slim ones.

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2011 18:00

It's quite possible to be slim, curvy and real!

Unless 'curvy' is a euphemism for overweight

Deafworm · 29/12/2011 18:06

Yanbu, I've been at both ends of the spectrum size '0' when 17 though couldn't buy clothes for that size readily then so shopped in children's department, hated being called anorexic, stick etc. think it was more socially acceptable then to get at me than when I was at my biggest after dd3 at size 26, now an 18 and apart from one comment from a stranger and one from a tactless friend when dd was little which did hurt i haven't had any rudeness.

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