to be confused why I'm the bad guy? (tmi probably)

[RedGreenBlue]

So, we haven't been biblical with each other for a while. Last night, DW snuggles up in bed, and game on with the kissing and fumbling. Well, until DW is 'done' (iyswim) and then goes to sleep without having touched me. Frustrating, but hey. If she's going to sleep then what can you do.

I wake up at 5am (much earlier than usual). Wide awake. Not thinking about 'it' really, just can't get back to sleep. Play on phone for 1/2 hour, no good, I'm never going back to sleep now - sneak out of bed, have a shower and get dressed. About to head downstairs and DW appears in bathroom for a wee. Get asked what I'm doing, to which I explain I can't sleep. Get huffed at, told "fine, whatever" and DW goes back to bed.

Seriously, what should I have done differently here?

I read he couldn't talk to her because she gets defensive about it. So he needs to find a different way of talking about it. Or, talk about what he's feeling and just ask her to listen, and see if that evokes anything out of her. Or write a letter, anything. Or Relate.

There are many, many ways to communicate with your partner.

Again, more specific and helpful advice could probably be given if we knew where these problems originated. Did his wife really just stop having sex with him for no reason? Are there no complicating factors in her life? He must have some clue.

Why don't you just provide more detail, OP? Everyone can draw the bigger picture and advise you properly. Or have you gone off with the hump?

Did anybody say that you were a monster or that you were evil OP? In your head only.

Are you like this with her, refusing to listen to what she actually says, but instead exaggerating it so much you can dismiss it? It's quite annoying. (which doesn't make you evil or a monster, just behaving in quite an annoying way).

If anybody's getting defensive it's him.