Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for help here, am losing my mind

108 replies

Thisisfuckingawful · 29/12/2011 03:11

I cannot go on like this anymore, I am going insane.

I have not had more than 3 hours of broken sleep a night for 3 months. DD2 7mo is hyperactive. She is awake for hours every night and is manic, arms and legs flailing. If we pick her up she smiles, chatters, grabs our face. If we leave her she cries. She wants to play all night.

If we cosleep she grabs at my face and clothes for hours. If I try to feed her she bites me. She lies in her cot and shakes her head frantically from side to side, like she is trying to keep herself awake. Tonight the head shaking was so bad I thought she was going mad. She keeps this up for hours at a time, she rarely sleeps for more than an hour.

It is taking it's toll on the whole family. I am a different person. I'm so angry all the time, I swear at DH and we argue constantly. My marriage is falling apart. Dd1 is 3yo and her behaviour has got so much worse because i'm so miserable. I don't know what to do. I've just made dh sleep on the sofa and dd2 is playing with a toy on the bed.

Please please help

OP posts:
Original poster
Thisisfuckingawful · 29/12/2011 03:15

I can't function anymore, I can't think or make decisions. I have terrible memory loss

OP posts:
ClaudiaSchiffer · 29/12/2011 03:16

Oh blimey, sounds awful.

You have my sympathy. Is it possible for someone to take the baby for a few hours in the day so you can get a snooze or at least a break at times?

How does your DD2 sleep in the day? Lots of long sleeps? Or is she basically up for 24hrs?

Can you talk to a sleep consultant?

JinglingAllTheWay · 29/12/2011 03:17

Hi OP, does your dd use a baby grow bag or anything to sleep in? If she was in one of those, was just thinking that could stop the leg kicking a bit.

Does she sleep in the day? If you've not tried it already, maybe stop her naps in the day for a while and see if that makes a difference to her bedtime sleeping hours.

Have you tried controlled crying? I know not everyone likes it but cold be one solution to her crying and not wanting to be alone. Is hard for
First few Days but they soon learn to settle themselves.

Not sure if you've tried all this already but could be worth a shot x

Original poster
Thisisfuckingawful · 29/12/2011 03:17

She also only breastfeeds at night, pitch black no lights at all. She refuses to feed during the day

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 29/12/2011 03:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PODDLEBUM · 29/12/2011 03:20

Get professional help. can you afford to employ a private sleep clinic? I've found that health visitors tend to be pretty useless about things like this.

sleep deprivation is the sure way to drive anyone crazy - there will be an end to it - it's just a case of getting to it

Original poster
Thisisfuckingawful · 29/12/2011 03:23

She was having no sleep during the day, not even in a pushchair or sling, but I thought over tired so have been staying home a lot so she can sleep. Sometimes she has 2 hours in morning, 1 hour in afternoon but it's random. I can't figure out if it makes things better or worse.

She sleeps in a sleeping bag.

i'm very anti controlled crying but it may have to be a last resort, I can't go on like this. I want to try everything else first

OP posts:
PODDLEBUM · 29/12/2011 03:25

have you read the No Cry Sleep Solution? It had some snippets that were helpful when my two were unsleeping monsters...

BluddyMoFo · 29/12/2011 03:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JinglingAllTheWay · 29/12/2011 03:27

Do you have friends or family nearby that she could spend the odd night with to help you catch up on some sleep? Or leave her with Dh and take dd1 to a friend's for the night so you
And dd1 can get some proper sleep? Where in the UK are you?

Original poster
Thisisfuckingawful · 29/12/2011 03:28

I can't afford professional help, i'm on mat leave. Would like to try cranial ost, we used one for dd1. Cost an issue though, we have very little money.

Have tried shifts but it's difficult as she has no milk during the day so I need to feed her at night. I don't mind getting up to feed her, it's being awake for hours that has finished me off

OP posts:
PODDLEBUM · 29/12/2011 03:30

Thisis - what about giving her a feed, then handing her straight over to your husband? then take yourself off somewhere and make him promise not to wake you. even if he does this just once or twice a night - it can make all the difference.

in the day - beg a friend to take both kids out just for a short while and lie down. even if you don't sleep - lie down in the silence.

JinglingAllTheWay · 29/12/2011 03:30

Could you express so Dh could feed her too? Might take
Some of the pressure off

TruthSweet · 29/12/2011 03:31

This might sound familiar...

Hopefully something will help (hugs)

Original poster
Thisisfuckingawful · 29/12/2011 03:45

truthsweet that describes her exactly. Shame there is no magic solution. I have tried to get her into a routine but christmas has thrown us. Also having Toddler makes things really hard.

My head is pounding. Dh has taken her downstairs, i'll try to sleep now

OP posts:
PODDLEBUM · 29/12/2011 03:47

get some sleep This - just lie down with your eyes closed and let DH take the strain for a few short hours.

And mutter - under your breath - 'this too will pass'...

Original poster
Thisisfuckingawful · 29/12/2011 03:49

Does anyone else have the head shaking thing?. She does it so much and so fast it freaks me out.

also could something in my diet be affecting her and making her even more hyper?

OP posts:
Original poster
Thisisfuckingawful · 29/12/2011 03:51

Yes will try to sleep now. Please keep posting will check back later. Thanks everyone

OP posts:
DSH · 29/12/2011 04:01

My son was about 7 months old and waking all night every night. We were all miserable and not coping. We had visitors so i didn't feel like I could let him make much noise at night so we did anything to keep him quiet. Fed all night, in our bed - it was all a bloody nightmare.

The day the visitors left, I put him to sleep in the spare room and told him that I have had enough and wasn't coming to see him at all in the night and would see him early in the morning. Of course he didn't understand....but I think I was telling myself and clearly going a bit mental from lack of sleep.

None of us slept much that night. It was horrendous, but I didn't go in to him and I felt absolutely awful the next day. I nearl caved, but did the same the second night and he barely cried at all and that was it. From then on, he has slept like a baby (as he should) and has always been an excellent sleeper since.

Life was supremely improved once the whole household was getting a good nights sleep. I'm not a big advocate of crying it out, but if you and your husband are fighting and your other child is suffering and you are at the end of your tether, it is a small price to pay.

Good luck with everything xxx

AlpinePony · 29/12/2011 07:03

I've got to be honest, I'm in the "these are mummy's rules" club. Night time is for sleeping, and, whilst perhaps controversial, I would not feed in the night until she accepts daytime feeds. Yes, she will yell the first night, perhaps even the second - but it doesn't sound like 2 miserable nights are going to make a huge difference anyway.

How is she eating the rest of the day? E.g., real food.

I'm so sorry you're exhausted and it's affecting your eldest daughter too. :(

Dozer · 29/12/2011 07:13

Have been there twice, is awful. Hang in there.

Dd1 did the rocking thing. Sleep got marginally better at 10mths, which is apparently when they get the body clock a bit more. But she didn't sleep well til 21 months, it was exhausting.

Would echo suggestions of trying to change the balance of feeds, so that she gets lots more milk in the day, and early part of the night.

With dd2, slightly better sleeper but not great, Jay gordon's method worked for us in helping stop b-feeding at night, but continue in day, when she was one.

Or, if desperate, and your DH or anyone else is willing to do a share of the nights, switch to formula?

Does your 3yo get the free hours of childcare yet? If not, probably not long til she does, something to look forward to.

EricNordmanfirandMistletoe · 29/12/2011 07:25

I hope you got some sleep...

My opinion will be unpopular but what I would do is stop breast feeding, and do controlled crying. If you are rigid she will learn to go to sleep and stay asleep. Yes it is brutal but so is sleep deprivation and some children don't respond to less drastic measures.

Crabapple99 · 29/12/2011 08:10

If she is genuinly hyperactive you need proffesional help, and it will not improve on its own

If she is "merely" overactive ( I have one of these) then thinks will improve. My DC slept very little for the first 7 years, but wasable to amuse herself and stopped needing me from very early on.

duvetdayplease · 29/12/2011 08:22

Hello, I have thought a lot about your post. I totally hear you about feeling as though you are losing your mind. This is natural response to sleep deprivation, I remember it well. My husband and I rowed horribly too, its so hard.

I thought maybe if you broke the problem down into constituent parts it might help?

I wondered if approaching it this way could help:

  1. Your sleep today, this week to get your head back together is top priority. Do what you can - send husband out with both for a few hours and get some shut eye. This is top priority. Make a pact with DH that for one week you'll both put sleep first - you can't make decisions or get along with people when truly sleep deprived. Cancel all non-essential things etc.
  2. An accurate idea of how much & when your baby does sleep - a week's record. If you are going to speak to anyone this is vital. You could do this same week as you are focusing on your sleep.
  3. An evaluation of whether something medical could be causing the problem - do you have a good GP? There is a possibility it's caused by something.
  4. If no medical concerns, once you are rested and you have facts, a decision about what you do to sort it out? It is hard to assess what is the right step from a space of knackeredness.

I had a really bad patch with my now toddler, around 8+ months I think was really bad he had meds in the early months so we were waking him lots in the night. It took us a long long time even after meds had stopped to stop it all kicking off in the night, we were all used to chaos and had a bit of a mad dynamic. Luckily the older one did sleep thru the chaos so one family member was ok, but my husband and I were wrecked.

I really really hope things get better x

melika · 29/12/2011 08:47

Don't know if this has been thought of, stop breast feeding, put her on the hungry baby formula and give a dummy. This may give you precious minutes of sleep.