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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OK, I admit IABU, but it's still upsetting.

57 replies

MartyrStewart · 29/12/2011 00:18

I know it's not a huge thing, but it is to me.

A couple of years ago, I went for a lovely weekend in London with my DSis and Mum. We had a great time, and got talking about how lovely it would be to all go on Holiday together as a family. So, my parents, my Sister's family and all of the GC.

It has not been mentioned since, I filed it away as one of those lovely 'what if' conversations.

To cut a long story short, after spending time with my family over Christmas I have discovered they have all booked to go to DisneyWorld in February.

Apparently we 'are welcome to join them' but the chances of me finding the money to pay for passports x 4 plus flights etc. is about the same chance of me winning the lottery this weekend.

To rub salt in the wound, my sister's kids have been to DisneyWorld 6 or 7 times already, while my two have had one holiday in their lives and are desperate to go.

I am just Sad for my DC, and when they find out they will be devestated.

OP posts:
thepeoplesprincess · 29/12/2011 00:19

I would imagine they'd kept it from you out of kindness, if you're clearly not in a position to afford it.

Jajas · 29/12/2011 00:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2011 00:21

Aww that sucks

But to be fair, if you can't afford to go then why would they ask you?

Surely that would have been 'rubbing it in' a bit?

Original poster
MartyrStewart · 29/12/2011 00:21

I don't disagree, princess but if I had been told a year ago, maybe I could have scraped together the money to send the DC.

OP posts:
Jajas · 29/12/2011 00:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MartyrStewart · 29/12/2011 00:23

Just to be clear, my family are lovely, I have no underlying issues. I'm just so upset that the DC will see the whole family jetting off and wonder why they are missing out yet again.

OP posts:
SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 29/12/2011 00:25

I didn't want to read and run. They haven't mentioned it because they know you can't afford it. How about you agree for something a year or two from now and give you a chance to save up?

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/12/2011 00:25

"I know it's not a huge thing, but it is to me."
I think this would be a huge thing to most people. You feel excluded. Even if you couldn't have afforded it, it should have come up in conversation before now.

But, although this is making you think of that not-quite-a-plan to go on holiday together, your mum and sister may not consider it so. That may still be in a vague future to them still.

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2011 00:26

How old are your children?

Part of growing up is realising that people have more/less money than others.

Could you all afford to book a family holiday in a caravan for a week this summer?

ThatsNotSantasBabyBelly · 29/12/2011 00:26

But you were clearly going to find out so why would it be kind to keep it from you? They should have mentioned it when they thought of booking it and allowed you to make the choice

Sad for you and dc's

yellowraincoat · 29/12/2011 00:29

Oh, that would hurt me too. Like you say, they could have asked at least. I don't understand a parent going off on a major trip like that with just one of their children. It seems so horrible.

Then again, my family planned to go to my brother's for Christmas without asking me, so I can relate.

Original poster
MartyrStewart · 29/12/2011 00:29

Thank you for all your lovely replies. I think I am actually upset because I feel patronised a bit. 'Have you sorted the flights? Whatever happens don't tell Martyr, she will never afford it'.

And I agree it was probably done with the best intentions. Doesn't stop me feeling inadequate though.

I guess they were damned if they did and damned if they didn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
MartyrStewart · 29/12/2011 00:31

DC are 6 and 3. They unfortunately have already learned the lesson that money is tight.

OP posts:
ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 29/12/2011 00:32

Is there any chance that that's exactly what they were worried about? Maybe they didn't want the responsibility of your children too?

It happens in a lot of families that one of the adult children is a lot better off than one of the another children and the Gp's do things with them that the other GC miss out on. It's pretty crap for the not so well off families, but there really isn't any way around it. However, the ones I know well don't make any secret of their plans and the not so well off families all know they are more than welcome to join them (if they can). There's a little bit 'it's not really fair' from the younger kids of the not so well families but on the whole they are good about it and understand. Also, the GP's spend as much time with the others and have lots of fun with them, so they don't feel the GP's are showing any favouritism or anything.

It is really crap that they have planned this behind your back though and so didn't give you the opportunity to save to go with them, but I sense it was done with the best of intentions.

How about planning another trip with them in a year or 18 months and start saving now?

upahill · 29/12/2011 00:35

I would be upset too.
You said if you had known you could have scrapped the money together - is there any chance you could put money together for you and your kids to go next year (2013)

Original poster
MartyrStewart · 29/12/2011 00:36

Thanks, Chipping. They gave me the option of sending DS with them, but I can't take him out of school, and DD is now of an age where it wouldn't be fair, even if I could send him.

Another live lesson learned for my two - I am sure they will be better people for it Smile

OP posts:
perceptionreality · 29/12/2011 00:36

I don't think YABU because if they had told you in advance you might have had the chance to save up! I would feel very hurt too if this happened to me.

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2011 00:37

They gave me the option of sending DS with them, but I can't take him out of school, and DD is now of an age where it wouldn't be fair, even if I could send him

Perhaps that's another reason why then? Sad

slowburner · 29/12/2011 00:41

I am sorry. We discussed this with mil in midsummer, over Christmas it comes out that she is saying to take bil, sil and 3 kids away, we haven't been asked, we could afford to pay our share but yet again DH is left out. I felt gutted for him, our LO is too young to realise.

Mmm. This shit has happened once too often in his family, I might just tell them how much they have hurt us, maybe you should be open with your lot too?

Original poster
MartyrStewart · 29/12/2011 00:41

TBF to my family, I probably wouldn't have been able to save up, but it would have been nice to have had the option.

I think I am probably BU because I am upset that I can't give my DC the same experiences the rest of my family get, rather than being upset at my family.

My parents have saved a full set of camping gear for me, so maybe I should look to saving for a camping holiday this year. Disney is shit and overpriced anyway, yes?

OP posts:
thepeoplesprincess · 29/12/2011 00:42

Another live lesson learned for my two - I am sure they will be better people for it Smile

No need for the am drams Wink Not being able to afford Disneyland is normal for ab;out 99.9% of the population. They'll live.

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2011 00:46

Disney isn't shit to most children...however most children have to learn that they can't go if their parents can't afford to take them, even if their cousin's parents can afford it.

We've never been to Disney...other members of my family have and it's never crossed my mind that my kids would even worry about that.

However, we've been lucky enough to manage a week in a caravan for the last 3 years and my boys have talked about nothing else for months after!

It's not where you go, it's how much fun you have and how many memories you build.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 29/12/2011 00:47

Could you really have scraped the money together for the kids to go? I so, could one of your family cover the cost with you paying them back. Not ideal, I know but is it possible?

If not could you save up for tickets to Disneyland Paris and drive over or look for a coach trip. There are some quite cheap basic hotels in France such as formule 1 or premier classe (you pay for the room not per person). This will give you a rough idea of the cost of a coach trip. www.co-operativetravel.co.uk/disney/disneyland-resort-paris/coach-holidays

Original poster
MartyrStewart · 29/12/2011 00:54

You bloody nest of vipers.

Thank you, I really was expecting a flaming. I know it's not a big deal but I remember being desperate to go to disney as a child when all my friends had been.

If My GP's and aunts and uncles had all gone with the GC I would have been so upset.

Actually, I still haven't been.

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 29/12/2011 01:02

p.s. if you have camping gear, the campsites in France are usually very good and reasonably priced. Camping is a serious business in Continental Europe. We rented a mobile home in the South of France last easter and the types of cars on the site (German, Dutch, Belgian etc) was amazing not just Audi's and Mercs but a Bentley!

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