OK, I admit IABU, but it's still upsetting.

[MartyrStewart]

I know it's not a huge thing, but it is to me.

A couple of years ago, I went for a lovely weekend in London with my DSis and Mum. We had a great time, and got talking about how lovely it would be to all go on Holiday together as a family. So, my parents, my Sister's family and all of the GC.

It has not been mentioned since, I filed it away as one of those lovely 'what if' conversations.

To cut a long story short, after spending time with my family over Christmas I have discovered they have all booked to go to DisneyWorld in February.

Apparently we 'are welcome to join them' but the chances of me finding the money to pay for passports x 4 plus flights etc. is about the same chance of me winning the lottery this weekend.

To rub salt in the wound, my sister's kids have been to DisneyWorld 6 or 7 times already, while my two have had one holiday in their lives and are desperate to go.

I am just for my DC, and when they find out they will be devestated.

Matyr - it's a big deal when you're a kid and your cousins are getting to go to Disneyland (again) with your (shared) Grandparents and you aren't :( and it's rubbish to be the parent that can't afford it. Life sometimes sucks.

They will enjoy it a lot more at 7 & 4 or 8 & 5 though. If you want to take them, work out how much it's going to cost, work out how much you need to save a week then double it, it's bloody expensive once you go through those gates!! Ask family to give you & the DC's a small token present for birthdays & next Christmas and anything over that they would like to give can go in the Disneyland savings pot. If they are worried you will spend it before then, they can give you an IOU (not saying they do think that or you would, but my friends parents do this as she is unable to have a pound in her pocket!!).

You can still plan a cheap camping holiday this summer - some of my best memories are camping holidays!! :)

You are doing your best - don't let it get you down x

Oh and in the nicest possible way, when you do go, your kids will probably have a better time if their cousins aren't there. Kids who have been a few times can really spoil the experience for first-timers!!

The one family holiday we managed was bloody Butlins - and DS still talks about it nearly 4 years later.

We did camping every year from when I was 4 until about 16/17, I do understand that holidays aren't about the expense but the experience.

Chaz, we have no passports, which means we would have to add £££ before we even think about outside the UK.

I think I am probably projecting. I wanted to go to Disney when I was 6. I still haven't made it.

Thanks all again

If they have offered to take your DS, why not let them? My DB and SIL took DS when he was 5, and DD was 3 and DS2, 1 yo. DS1 to date is still the only one who has been to Disneyland at all. Life is not fair, it's just the way things go. DD has stayed at DB and SILs more times than DS1 by now, I think, has gone shopping with SIL and been bought things, too. So it's really swings and roundabouts. I would let DS1 go with them, even if DD can't go. I would also take him out of school. He's only 6, and it will only be a few days at most. He'll remember it for ever. Give him that chance.

I dont think YABU at all. This is one of those "it would be nice to have been asked" situations.

It is rude and hurtful. Why are they going all the way to the US anyway when they had the option of Disneyland Paris, and maybe including you?

I can understand why you are upset. If this were my family it would be an all or nothing scenario. I would be saving up so all my GC could go, even if it took a few years.

YANBU. I would be upset too. Not about them going so much as the deception. I'd hate to think they had been hiding it from me. Not wanting to upset you doesn't work as you were going to find out at some point.

I agree with Chipping about starting to save now, aim to go when your youngest is 8, which gives you five years, and is, imho, the best age as they are old enough to really appreciate and remember it and to go on all the rides (which means you don't get stuck standing around in the toddler areas, which is fine for those who can go every year but less so if it's once in a lifetime!)

Don't go with the rest of the family, just have a lovely time by yourselves - the more of you in the party, the more messing around deciding where to go, waiting for people etc etc.

We are not on a big income but we managed this a few years ago - was fab!

Mishy, I was thinking the same thing. I have a weird/strained relationship with my family, but I'm pretty certain that my mum would never go on holiday with just my brother and not invite me. And if I couldn't afford it, I'm pretty sure she'd save up long enough to take me.

They may be less upset than you think if you just present it as something that's just happened. My dsis has taken her family away with dgp and mine have been no more than momentarily interested.
We've never been abroad even, but we usually manage a short stay in UK which the children spend most of the time on the beach and have a lovely time.

I don't really understand this. If they have been to Disney 6 or 7 times before why is this time an issue. Was the holiday you talked about with your mum and sister a holiday to Disney or a separate, less expensive holiday in the UK. There is nothing to stop that happening presumably.

When ours were about 10 and 7 we took them to Eurodisney and they had a fantastic time. It cost about £500 + meals for two nights and two days entry. We drove. We have never contemplated taking them to Disney in the US although DD would like to go to Harry Potter World but DS is too old and DH wouldn't want to touch it with a barge pole.

We know very few children who have been to Disney, we don't live on a budget and neither do most of those around us. Our children didn't even especially like the films.

I don't really see why it's such a big deal. You can all still have a fantastic holiday - there are brilliant camp sites across Europe and theme parcs there too. The food and weather are better than the UK and there's more to see in the context of culture too. Combine camping outside Paris with Eurodisney for example.

I sympathise OP though over the cost of the passports - we need them more and more and the price is becoming prohibitive. Last time I renewed the dc's it was almost £100 I think,

You have every right to feel very hurt - they've been dishonest, arranging all this behind your back. Even if they knew you couldn't afford it, they've been very sneaky.

As a long-term project, is there any danger of saving up for Disneyland Paris? I know you say you'd need passports just to add to the expense, but maybe if you could put away a couple of quid a week, it'd add up?

You could also try entering LOTS of competitions - there are people who do this as a hobby, so you can find sites that list all the competitions currently available. And the MN competitions, of course.

Could you work out the cost of a trip to Disneyland Paris and make a long term 2-3 yr savings plan so you are thinking of saving a few pounds a week.

I would have been hurt in your position that people had decided for me that I couldn't do something.

There are some fab things to do in this country too. Easter Hols near Legoland camping pitches £15 with electric hook up
79.170.40.247/hurleyriversidepark.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=32&Itemid=11

Your family have not handled this well and I can see why you are upset with them.

BUT for your children going from having had one holiday in their lives, to going to Disneyland, is quite a leap. Don't for goodness sakes waste your money going there when your children would enjoy several lovely holidays camping in this country or abroad for the same amount. Most people can't afford to spend that much on a holiday - don't try to keep up with those in your family who can.

Now that you have that camping equipment, you can start saving relatively small amounts towards a holiday next year. You will have a fabulous time

If this were me organising it, I wouldn't have allowed it to happen. I'd have insisted that if we're all going on holiday together, we'd go somewhere everyone could afford (given the conversation you all had).

I'd feel shit about this too. Not sure what you can do except be sad for a couple of days and then feel better. (Sorry.)

Oh and Disneyworld is sure to be shit.

How long have they been planning this? If it's been a while then they shouldn't have assumed you wouldn't be able to afford it as you would have had time to save up.

My DH has had this as well. The GPs, his SIL/BIL and their kids all went on holiday together (twice) and didn't even mention it to us until they had booked it. My DH was so hurt.

Have they really been to DisneyWorld 6(is that right) times?! Who goes that many times!?

I can totally understand you feeling rotten about being left out :( They may not have connected this plan with the previous conversation about all going away together, but it's still insensitive.

But, disneyland is way overrated, I think you could have just as much fun with a much cheaper holiday in England.

One very practical thought on timing. How tall is your youngest child. A lot of rides have strict height limits. You will have a much better choice of rides when the children are older. The minimum height for the Legoland rides is 90cm and for quite a few of them its 1m. Disneyland Paris is similar (we only just got away with it for DS2 -thick soles on his trainers helped) Big Thunder Mountain is 1.02m (3ft3") and there were some rides we couldn't do because he was too small.

by minimum height I mean those rides that have a restriction i.e. not those specifically geared to very young children.

I understand the hurt at being left out, even if you couldn't afford, having the option would still have been nice. I assume it's also different this time as your parents are going with your sisters family which makes you feel more excluded than usual.

For example, kids know their cousins go to Disney. But this time the whole family except you and your DCs aren't going, and therefore seems more 'in your face' than all the other times?

FWiW my DS was offered to go to Disney and refused! He's rather go somewhere else apparently. We haven't been on bloody holiday for years and we were surprised he turned it down (it was funded by a Make a wish company).

My DS on the others hand would love to go camping though, as there is more adventures to have. The holiday you give them will be filled with fun and imaginative ideas and I bet they will adore it. Don't feel sad but rather excited about what you can provide for them.

Shocked that anyone would want to go to Disney more than 6 times....surely a bit of variety would be good!

Anyway I think I'd feel hurt too.

Destination aside, I personally think the problem with "we didn't ask you because we knew you couldn't afford it" and/or "we didn't ask you as we didn't want you to feel bad/embarrassed" etc is that there's always the lingering doubt as to the actual honesty behind those kind of statements ... you can't help but wonder if they are convenient excuses, and that maybe, for whatever reason(s) your company wasn't really wanted.

Even when these kind of things happen with "no malice aforethought" you have to have a strong constitution not to feel hurt. I'd always prefer to be asked .... precisely so I could feel that if things were different, my friends/family would be delighted to spend time with me, and I would not feel as if my face was being rubbed in what I couldn't afford or whatever. There are always tactful ways of expressing a desire for your company, whilst at the same time acknowledging an understanding of your financial situation. Besides which ..... appearances can sometimes be deceptive .... and it sits uncomfortably with me to have other people "decide" I can't afford something without asking me first !! They may well be right in their assumptions but it's me who should be allowed to decline an unaffordable invitation, and NOT someone else on my behalf ! For all they know, you might have come into a modest amount of money lately.

I'd never expect friends or family to stop doing what they want and can afford to do because I can't join in, but it can be hard to swallow when you see people close to you creating special memories and bonds together, sharing experiences and anecdotes you can never be a part of. As a previous poster mentioned, of course different families have different disposable incomes etc and it's not a bad thing for children to realise these differences exist ...... if, as the same poster (I think) mentioned, the "better off" families/friends still make the effort to spend just as much time with you doing less expensive or free activities, then no-one could possibly complain. However, hurt and disappointment can arise when people you previously counted as close appear to all but ignore the reality of your financial situation and more or less cease spending any time with you at all because you simply can't afford the kind of activities/social events/holidays they prefer to do. That is what hurts .... and I've been on the end of it a few times in my life .... when you end up drifting apart from so-called friends (or family) because they're not prepared to slightly alter their social lives some of the time so you too can join in .... i.e. your suggestions of affordable and/or stay at home meets are pooh-poohed, or sidestepped with various excuses, or, of course, going back to the point of this thread, you simply aren't invited at all. Sadly, with times being what they are, I think this kind of thing is one of those situations where a lot of people will find out who their real friends are.

OP - I do feel for you. Your family should have allowed you to decline the invite - if their concern really was whether you could afford it or not.

I'd feel hurt too.

However... I personally would take the camping gear and run... Disney is my idea of hell, and I love camping

I'm considered a bit odd by some folk

Go camping instead!

I'm with shockers

I am with you here - my entire family are going on holiday together, they asked my parents too. My parents turned them down as my mum has been ill. We weren't asked. At all.

It has been mentioned once by one family member - but you wouldn't have come anyway, actually we might have, and if you knew we wouldn't come why didn't you ask us anyway? Smacks to me of just not wanting us to go.

If it helps they are all moaning about how much money they DON'T have........

Have you had a quiet work with your parents and asked them if they might lend you the money so you could go too?