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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think if this many children round here are gifted we're a f***ing statistical anomaly?

75 replies

philbee · 28/12/2011 19:06

Gah! Am just fed up of people telling me in a hush hush way that their preschooler is massively intelligent and probably or definitely gifted. 'Such a concern for us to find the right environment in which to nurture their incredible skills.' AIBU for suspecting that we aren't on the dawn of a big-brained new era, and they are just delusional and loved up?

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FlyingStart · 28/12/2011 20:51

I agree with snow mummy. When I was 14, a friend of mine was 15, beautiful (was a model in Vogue no less) with a really high IQ.

What happened to her? At 16/17 she was sleeping with men twice her age and got herself into situations whiich she could have done without. Because her teachers and practically everyone she knew called her a genius, she didn't bother revising for her GCSE and gained a string of B and C grades, which isn't bad in itself, but had she done just a little bit of revision (instead of partying into the early hours) she would have gained all As. She didn't do any a-levels but instead went on to do some art course at a very popular and well know art school.
Then we sort of parted and lost contact, but from the grapevine, she took her time to finish her course but the end result is that she ended up with a string of dead-end jobs when her modelling career came to an end in her mid-twenties.
When I think back to our time together when we were 14/15 years old, and think of all that potential, I think it's criminal the way those responsible for her welfare and education behaved. I don't blame her mum though, she got sucked into all the hype, and by the time she realised the drawbacks to so-called fame and fortune, it was too late.

If I had a daughter like my friend, I would have kept stum about her high IQ (and instruct the school to do likewise) and I would not allow my daughter into modelling until she is at least 18 years old, but that's another topic.

maryz · 28/12/2011 20:51

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tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 28/12/2011 20:59

Every primary school has to have a list of 10% of pupils who are gifted or talented......if they are or not!

ThePathanKhansWitch · 28/12/2011 21:02

Mines really dozy, she tried to force feed the cat a banana today,cause "everyone knows cats love them" Confused. She's only 4, but still.

WorkingClassMum · 28/12/2011 21:11

Average and smart ish kids often do better than geniuses or G&T kids in the long run.

Application and perserverance take a scholar far further than flashes of brilliance.

My DS is in Grade 5 next year. The G&T kid from his kinder class is struggling socially at school, and whilst is doing the G&T maths stream is also doing remedial english and reading. So much effort was placed on his mathematical brilliance his reading, spelling and general english fell behind.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/12/2011 21:14

tryingtobemarypoppins2... Really? Perhaps the primary schools don't understand percentages then and are going for "hundredten percent"... Grin

maryz · 28/12/2011 21:15

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runningwilde · 28/12/2011 21:18

Lol, pmsl at your thread...

But of course, my children really are gifted

< running ignores the fact that her toddlers love to run around banging things rather than sit and listen to stories or learn the alphabet >

Grin
Ophuchi · 28/12/2011 21:21

I think it depends on where you live. In the middle class commuter village where I live every 2nd mum thinks her toddler is gifted. Back where I came from (very rough council estate) no-one says this about their child.

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 28/12/2011 21:32

Seriously! We have to find 10% of every class. It does mean that the more able are given additional time and opportunities etc but the wording of Gifted/Talented when informing parents makes me cringe.

philbee · 28/12/2011 21:34

I meant in RL actually, just friends and people I know who seem convinced their child is gifted. I know the kids and they are all lovely, some have particular interests or distinctive personality traits but I really feel that it's just that. I have moments when DD does or says something and I am completely astonished at it, and I guess the temptation is to think its something really different, but really all small children just learn very quickly and are capable of a lot.

I don't think the parents are bad people or anything, it's lovely that they are so involved with their kids. But partly I worry that it will put a lot of pressure on them, and make them think they are different or special or freakish, and partly I just feel embarrassed because it seems to show such a lack of self awareness on the parents' part. When DD was little I used to think how expressive and mobile her face was and all the other babies just looked like slugs. At some point I thought, 'hang on, maybe all babies look expressive to their parents, because they are their parents!' Ping! Doh!

Also it's just a PITA to have to look interested.

OP posts:
philbee · 28/12/2011 21:35

And no, not in Bath, in London.

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maryz · 28/12/2011 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

philbee · 28/12/2011 21:41

Cats do love bananas, don't they? Don't they?

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MogTheForgetfulCat · 28/12/2011 21:45

Ah, but Bath is essentially a small enclave of London in the south-west (or at least, large swathes of it are) so the same holds true here Grin.

hugglymugly · 28/12/2011 21:47

I think I've said elsewhere that in my view the G&T programme was badly implemented, but it was put in place because there were concerns that many schools weren't providing appropriate differentiated education for the brighter children as they were focussing too much on their SATs results (or whatever they're called these days). So, the intention was good, but the reliance on statistics (the 10%) was, in my view, a mistake, because there's too much variability between children in primary schools, and also too much variability in how each child develops over time. But the concept was introduced, and obviously some parents will run with that.

But there is another issue, as mentioned by other posters, and that's to do with the history of childhood. It's not been that much time since the days of babies being fed on a 4-hourly schedule (and pretty much ignored in between), and expectations that toddlers were expected to quietly play on their own while their mother/carer got on with the housework, and young children were expected to be out of the house during the day and not bother the adults. (Yes, I'm old, that was what my childhood was like.)

Changes happened around the 1960s or so, along with a whole load of other changes. By the time my children were born in the late 1970s, DH & I did have different views on raising children than the previous generation, in terms of reacting to a child's needs rather than seeing them as an object - demand feeding was regarded as a "fad" back then.

It's taken a long time for awareness of how babies'/young children's brains work and develop, and understanding how amazing that is. It doesn't surprise me at all that some parents are astounded by how brilliant their young children are - but I bet that's quite often because nobody told them that that's what young humans are like.

philbee · 28/12/2011 21:55

huggly - yes, I think no one has told them. All these kids are first born, but all now have small siblings. I wonder if the second ones will also be pronounced gifted, or whether the parents will just see it as normal development by then.

It seems bizarre that you have to say a child is gifted and talented to ensure that they are not bored at school.

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A1980 · 28/12/2011 23:13

I don't find any so called gifted / taltented children particularly gifted or talented. What can they actually do? All they seem to be good at is getting good exam grades and doing better than average at music or one particular subject. They all seem to be able to remember things better than the next but that's about it. They just learn what others have done and regurgitate it in exams. That isn't the mark of a true genius. Where is the originality and their own theories and work coming from. I don't see it.

When you consider that Mozart was composing by the time he was 5 years old and Einstein had developed the theory of relativity by the time he was in his early twenties, the gifted children of today seem pretty mediochre. They just learn what others have done and that's it.

Crabapple99 · 28/12/2011 23:22

it's true we are supposed to list at leat 10% of our children as G and T, ( evry school, I work largly with children with learning difficulties, we do too)

I come from a family where several relatives are thebest in the world in their particular field. It isn't want I would want for my DC. Terrible impact on family life for one thing. Constant burden of expectations. Totla dvotion to their subject at the cost of everything else in life.

Tortington · 28/12/2011 23:26

mine are all distinctly average - this should restore the balance.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/12/2011 23:28

Perhaps they are all Indigo children

Now, there are some deluded parents.

StrawberryTot · 28/12/2011 23:36

philbee i couldn't agree more with your opening post haha :o I have a 5 year old DD who refers to the private parts (this is what i have been told to refer to them as, as it is more appropriate) as vagina and penis, both of which appear to be her buzz words at the minute and she feels the need to drop them into every conversation, now back to the point i wouldn't call her gifted just special :o

ps i am aware of my excessive use of smileys today, but i don't care :o haha oops there's one again.

Fluffycloudland77 · 28/12/2011 23:41

Anyone else remember that little girl who was a math genius or something whose dad was always on tv in the 80s about how g&t she was?? she divorced him you know.

We all have houses and jobs and cars without being g&t.

Salmotrutta · 28/12/2011 23:44

We don't have "Gifted and Talented" programmes/initiatives in Scotland. We just have kids who are predicted to do very well (or not) according to MIDYIS scores and who are tracked accordingly.
Gifted and Talented sounds like putting chidren in boxes - and as someone mentioned upstream, unless they are composing symphonies/solving Fermat's Theorem at age 5 then they are not "Gifted".
I think (donning flame-proof suit) that labels of Gifted etc have been down-graded.

LineRunner · 29/12/2011 00:10

Fluffy Was that Ruth Lawrence?

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