I think I did the right thing. Now Im worried.

[troisgarcons]

CBA with the whole back story - it goes back 4 years or so.

Basically DS1 (16) has a female friend his own age who, idolises him, gets insanely jealous when he has a GF, does an awful lot of stirring until the relationship breaks up. He just can't see it. He kind of pities her because she doesnt live with parents but with grandparents (awful lot of back story), but she does have parental contact with both parents.

Been another issue tonight with some quite horrendous lies coming to light. I've never been a handbags-at-the-gate sort of mother, my stance is to give advice, councel and give my children the tools to sort out thier own problems. This time it's just too big an issue not to have adult intervention.

Nan and I have a good relationship going back 30 years so I've been to speak to her. And it's all ok between us, because Im not aggressively confrontational. Nan has come round to clarify a few small points before she tackles grand daughter. A lot more has come out that has happened over the years.

I also put into the equation (know for a fact from yet another 3rd party) that grand daughter has been stealing from Dad, this week it was £240 to give to mum who couldnt afford Christmas. Nan said "OMG we are missing £500+ over the past few weeks but shes denied it and we've been through her bedroom looking for things and receipts but found nothing"

I'm now thinking I'm not actually that bright and thinking ahead because her father (and grandfather to a lesser extent) will go spare now they know it's her for certain and her father has been known to whallop her - and I mean punch, not slap, but really punch her infront of her friends including my son on one occassion. (I did put that instance firmly in the HOYs domain when I knew about it for the school to take up and deal with accordingly).

I'm just thinking fuuuuuuck what the hell have I done?

Well, is the girl was dumb enough to steal from her dad and nan knowing her dad would wallop her, it was her choice to risk it. I guess she isn't that scared or she wouldn't have done it.
I wouldn't let her in the house again, since she isn't trustworthy.
If you know her nan quite well, perhaps you can suggest the girl gets some help, councilling, sounds like she doesn't get it from her family.

I hope the next time she's punched someone actually does something about it, including your son.

Poor girl must be royally messed up.

OP if you know the nan well, can you somehow arrange to see the girl today and make sure she is OK?
If she has visible bruises then surely something can be done re. police/social services.

It's a bit hard to follow but what I got from your posts was this.

1. You found out this girl has told two big lies (that I think involved your son and provoked the need to get an adult involved) and so you spoke to her grandma about them.

1. While speaking to her grandma you told her that a third party (not your son) had told you the girl was stealing from her dad to give to her mum. Grandma realised that the missing money from her own house must have gone the same way.

1. You only told the grandmother about this girl stealing because you have had money and cigarettes go missing from your own home, perhaps at the hands of this same girl, and it made you doubt your own sanity at the time. You told the grandmother because you didn't want other people to feel the same way and have told us only to give us some of the backstory after all.

1. After you had had this conversation you realised that you have put this girl at serious risk of being punched by her father and that her grandparents can't or won't stand up for her.

1. Now your son is angry with you and his friend may be in danger.

Regardless of what this girl has done, she doesn't deserve the beating and I can see why you are worried. But now she needs help, she can't be in a situation where she could be punched by her father or let down by her grandparents. You need to get her some help, wether that be by contacting the NSPCC, Barnardos, the police or a local women's refuge.

I think it's been said enough on here that you shouldn't have said anything about the money. You only know from a third party anyway, if they are a reliable source they could have dealt with it themselves instead of spreading gossip to you for you to deal with.

If your son is a usually sensible person and he sees something good in her then follow his lead, put aside your dislike and at least let her come to you for long enough that she is safe from her father and has somewhere else to go.

Also, what is wrong with the Nan? Why is she not intervening, or at least doing something re. the girl getting punched by her Father?

Maryz is the voice of reason as usual. And to those berating the OP, she did say that she has previously told the school about the girl being abused. And the thread title says 'now I'm worried'.

It is rather ridiculous to suggest that the OP somehow is responsible for the beatings. Next time this idiot of the father beats or rapes someone, you will also shout that the third party is responsible? I would cautiously second to calling the police anonymously. If the school is already aware, I do not believe it will bring any further benefit, but some things have to be done. As for stealing... She is 16, so she knows the difference between right and wrong or is her stealing someone's fault also? Only her mother's. After all, if she accepts money from a 16yo who, I presume, doesn't work, she not just condones it, but actively encourages it.

Your son is the only adult in this story.

Have the girl over to yours the night you know she will be beaten. That is generally called putting the interest of the child first which is what adults should do.

If dad turns up with a belt, call the police.

The fact you only realised after spilling the beans that she was going to be abused is beyond me.

Sorry to be harsh but seriously???

Childline/NSPCC/Barnardo's
Don't blame yourself, you were trying to protect others
Your son & the girl are kids, so don't blame them either
Hope you get it sorted

The girl was at school at the time that the OP's son witnessed her father punch her.

She isn't at school now.

OP told the school about the attack her son witnessed.

If I am reading right.

The school should have passed the information on to the police. It was an assault.

I'm reading the same thread as Maryz et al.

This girl is manipulating OP's son, which lead to the conversation with the girls grandmother. Sounds like by way of discussion that the stealing came to light.

There are many people involved with this girl who should be preventing the father beating her - her mother and her grandparents. The girl is also now old enough to report it herself. While there are things the OP can do herself it is not her fault that this girl has been stealing nor that she got caught. All her family believed she was stealing.

OP you can ask if she would like more support but if she chooses not to take your offer then you can call SS if you still believe she is in threat.

However, unlike other posters, I don't believe this is any of your fault, and just an unfortunate situation you were placed in.

If her situation at home changes hopefully she will be less callous to your son in the future.