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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset when this boy put a toy gun to my DD's head ?

63 replies

recall · 28/12/2011 17:39

He is 8, he is my FIL's step grandson. My DD is 4, they come round for an hour or so once a week to see us. Today he turned up in a soldiers outfit and had a toy gun. I looked up to see him with my daughter in a pretend headlock with the gun pointing into her head. It made me jump and I said that I found it horrible. Everyone became embarrassed and awkward and they told him to put it in his
pocket.

OP posts:

Molehillmountain · 30/12/2011 12:09

My view is to be reasonably neutral and low key. We don't buy guns or weapons, and I don't join in games with violence. But I do let ds play with other people's and his playmobil pirates have guns and cutlasses. I don't think yabu to dislike and discourage but it's a little like pushing back the tide. A huge emphatic no for violent films and games aimed at adults.

lurkinginthebackground · 30/12/2011 12:22

There is a differece between a child pretend playing, no problem with that. But to dresss a child up in a soldiers outfit and give him a gun is actively encouraging him to carry out violent acts.
I wonder how long he has been encouraged to play 18 rated computer games.

hackmum · 30/12/2011 12:43

Urgh. He sounds like a horrid little boy with ineffective parents.

The key thing here is the age differential - an eight year old boy physically bullying a four year old girl. Not nice. Two eight year old boys and you might just about pass it off as horseplay but this is really unpleasant. You were right to tell him to stop.

Fo0ffyShmo0ffer · 30/12/2011 12:55

"That's how red blooded boys play"

WTF??

And boys who DONT play this way are ... what exactly?

What bollocks.
OP - Yanbu.

spiderpig8 · 30/12/2011 15:16

{pokes head above parapet} 'cissies' [ducks again quickly}

seeker · 30/12/2011 15:27

Well my red blooded boy certainly doesn't. And if he was anything but gentle and kind to a child 4 years younger than him he would be in deep trouble.

4madboys · 30/12/2011 15:39

yep i would have told the boy off as well, yes my boys do have toy guns and they run around pretending to point them at each other, but they wouldnt put a small child in a headlock, play or not, at 8yrs old he should know not to be so rough with a small child, or any child for that matter!

OriginalJamie · 30/12/2011 16:26

one of mine likes toy guns, the other doesn't. The one who likes guns has a Nerf gun and mainly shoots at targets. I wouldn't allow either to get another child in a headlock, nor point a toy gun at the head. Mind you, neither of mine has seen this move in a film or on a computer game, which is where I assume it came from.

It's good that the adults who were there saw it as wrong and stopped him. Maybe someone can get whoever's in charge of him to not allow him to play violent computer games as well.

Fo0ffyShmo0ffer · 30/12/2011 19:26

Seeker - precisely.

tigerlillyd02 · 30/12/2011 21:33

Gosh, I guess the days of role play including cowboys and indians, soldiers, good and bad guys etc are long gone? :(

I fondly remember playing with my brother who was 3 yrs older than me, his friends, my cousins and younger sister as children in the house or in woods etc, where some would be good guys and some bad guys. And we all had to pretend to 'shoot' each other. Whoever shot all the others first won. There were some soldier costumes amongst us too. We also did wrestling moves on each other, from the WWF thing (don't know if it still exists) and had costumes and belts to make it all that bit more exciting. Along with that we played moms and dads and schools....

None of us ever got hurt and none of us grew up violent. I'm the least violent person I know and violent / horror films etc don't interest me at all now. It was just a bit of innocent, childlike fun which kept us entertained for hours - in the days where we were allowed to use our imaginations and entertain ourselves.

rootietootie · 30/12/2011 22:05

When I was little me and my brothers used to love playing toyfights. We would literally jump on top of each other. There was a 7 year age gap as well between the oldest and the youngest. My mum would go mental at us because she hated us playing that No computers back then to blame it on, nor did we get to watch violent films. We used to play with toy guns all the time and I remember my brother getting a camouflage army all in one for his xmas and I was totally jealous :) think I got a typewriter that year. We are all grown up and productive members of society.

Original poster

recall · 30/12/2011 23:50

I think that if it had been a Pirate sort of game, walking the plank etc, it wouldn't have bothered me. It just looked shocking the way he held it to her head. Even if he had been aiming across the room, I wouldn't have thought anything of it, but it brought to my mind an execution - I can see there is no logic there.

OP posts:

AgnesBligg · 31/12/2011 00:13

I would be upset to see my dd in a headlock with a gun pointing at her! So yanbu. My son is 8, loves guns, playfights with his lovely 8 yr old girl cousin, but not in this way. I would have a very cross word with him if he did.

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