to feel a little uncertain that primrose oil is the best medication for a violent fragile X teen?

[corygal]

Oh, wail, plead, puss-in-boots melting eyes, ladies - I need your help.

Family friend is worried stiff about her DN - nephew. He's 19, diagnosed with very severe autism (fragile X) at 4, and after leaving residential school is back at home with his 50-plus parents and their four young DSs and DDs.

DN is beating them up. Mate found out when his sister, 9, let slip that 'Mummy was asleep on the grass for hours' after they had been gardening together and 'she said DN hit her head'. Mate saw it for herself when she walked into their utility room and was met by a flying 11-yr old, her other neice. The other 3 kids - 7 to 10 - have been similarly treated. The dad, who is in the army, can't control DN, who in addition to having psychotic rages, is still growing at 6 foot 2 and a fine athlete.

Parents 'don't believe in medication'. Grandparents believe in aromatherapy. Mate doesn't believe in family beaten black and blue. What can she say to persuade them that DN needs more help than the rest of his family fleeing when he approaches?

SS, there is no other option for anyone who knows about this.

how long has he been back home after residential school?

I agree with pagwatch. it is entirely possible that the otehr children are saying nothing because this is their sibling, who thye love. they have not necessarily been coerced into saying nothing.

the family needs help. not judging. they are simply trying to do their best (and I would fight tooth and nail to keep my child out of care homes too - not exactly had a great press recently, ahve they?)

SS should be doing an assessment of care needs, and they shoudl be able to get some help with their situation. the outcome doe snot have to be removel of the eldest child - there may be other solutions, but all the children deserve to be safe.

I have called my friend to tell her to report it. Does anyone have an idea of what happens now?

Well that depends on whether she actually does report it.

Do you have any faith in someone who had previously done nothing at all, to suddenly act because you've spoken to some people on a chat forum and then 'phoned and told her to'?

He's been at home for 15 months. During that time he's done both parents and all 4 siblings.

What do you mean by 'done'?

worra - yes I do have faith in her. She only found out how bad things are on Boxing Day. Immediately called a family conf where the parents refused to act.

cory sorry have calmed down. A social worker will call, usually first on the phone or may do a visit unannounced because of the violence involved. They will sit and chat to the parents and then the children (I think separately) and talk to parents about what options are. Potentially they will also ask for psych services to attend to make a determination whether dn need sectioning. It really depends on what that sw sees/feels as to whether immediate action/removal is needed or whether a plan can be put into place to help support the parents. I think though the level of violence may make them act more swiftly - if the parents are not willing to remove the elder son from the situation, the younger children may have to be placed with foster carers for their own protection. I know it seems harsh but this needs to be done and there is much more focus on helping parents nowadays (not perfect by any means but an improvement). I have to say I only know about what happens really from when dc have already come to the attn of medical practitioners.

"he's done both parents and all 4 siblings"

Are you intending this tone? This is a horrible situation. Your posting style is trite and crass. I am finding it difficult to connect the two. It is difficult when such an awful situation gets posted in AIBU but the 'puss in boots eyes' and 'he'd have to take up weaponry' is just adding to that.

Your friend should report. Mocking the family and the situation won't really help.

Are you Cory?

Wow, this is a clear safeguarding issue, and any responsible adult who is complicit in the poor family's attempts to protect their eldest son has a duty to ensure the local safeguarding team knows what's going on. The police, social services, or LEA will be able to put you in contact with that team.

I work with people like this young man, and am disappointed but not surprised that there isn't a care plan in place already. I wouldn't automatically jump to expecting a secure unit placement, but would hope that SS would support the family to increase structure & routine for this chap to ensure the family's safety. It's very likely that his confusion or unhappiness at the change in his environment is contributing to his behaviour, and sometimes environmental tweaks can make a huge change.

At the very least, encourage the family to contact his last school or placement as they should be able to make suggestions as to how to improve his structure/routine/use-of-visuals as a first step.

Actually I am leaving. I may be misreading this and I am finding it quite upsetting

Yes bloody Mary, SS need to know that the siblings are at risk, OP
needs to report that they are being harmed by an adult.

Well even if the family 'close ranks' and make SS believe all is well (for fear of him being removed) it might give him the kick up the arse he needs to stop beating his family up.

One of these days someone's going to put him on his arse or worse, as he'll pick on someone who actually can defend themselves.

I agree Pagwatch....about the OP's tone.

I agree that safeguarding is everyones responsibility. If you know that children are at risk you have a moral obligation to report it.

The duty team will pick this up. An assessment wil be carried out within 7 days, this will include the risk of violence to the children. There will be a plan drawn up.

As the DN has just left residential care and has a diagnosis he will also be classed as a vulnerable adult.
If the parents will not consider medcation and the children's safety is considered at risk, then decisions will be taken out of the parents hands.

GP and all medical records will be looked at. Direct work will be done with the children. Services will be offered to help the parents see that allow it is because of a medical condition, it is still a form of domestic violence.

This is an awful situation and the family may desperately want to stay together.
I don't know what home support can be offered [or medical support] but could this friend persuade the parents to ask for help? It is very likely that they are terrified of their son going into care. Also, maybe they have had bad experiences with medication and their son. A sad situation which I hope can be resolved in everyone's interests.

Is there a reason why corygirl can't phone SS?

That's what I'm wondering Piglet

If the OP rang them and her friend rang them then SS might take 2 calls more seriously than 1 and she also doesn't have to trust her friend to do it.

Isn't there a thing calked a community section where he just HAS to take his medication? So the family might not even have to stop living together. I would think the siblings will need at least counselling though.

OP 'social services' as we are referring to it here does not exist, there is not one service which will work with both the 19 year old and the siblings, your friend needs to report her concerns for the siblings to children's social care and the concerns about the 19 year old to adult services. She needs to make it clear to both that she is making a tandem referral and that they need to speak to each other (I would remind adult services of their duty to consider the safety of the children under the 2004 'Working Together' arrangements).

My brother has a severe disability and although he was never anything close to aggressive or violence my childhood would have been a lot more difficult and lonely had it not been for the support of social services. My parents worked with social services from the point of my brother's birth and we all had a lovely relationship with the allocated social worker/s, I suppose I just want to say that social services intervention can be a huge positive for families struggling to balance the needs of siblings where one has a disability.

I am now a social worker myself (having worked in 'children with disabilities' and now 'child protection') and can assure there will not be any knee-jerk decisions to remove the siblings or the 19 year old in the original post, rather I would expect the social worker to do some safety planning with the family to hold the situation in the short term whilst the adult team carry out an assessment of the the 19 year old. There are huge issues of consent and mental capacity at play with regards to the 19 year old though and adult services may have to fight to get a hook in with this family. If the parents block adult services from intervening with the 19 year old this would increase the risk to the children and would force the children's social worker to reconsider if it is safe for the children to stay at home. There will need to be very good communication between the two departments.

Sen- that would be a community treatment order, which is applied when coming out of being sectioned, not residential care.

As the DN is an adult, the police could take him into custody and if two doctors agree that he needs medication then the parents can be over ruled.

If there is a question over whether they would comply with an order and the other children would be put at risk, then the children will stay on a 'plan' and will be visited. The DN will be in contact with a CPN.

Once the 'problems' are identified then the plan will include who is responsible for each part.

I have dealt with plans that include 'adult' (so therefor vulnerable) care leavers, as well as the children in the household.

Each SW will be in close contant and use the information sharing applicable to their LA.

Thank you all so much. I wanted to ask you all what happened in cases like this so we can try to help all concerned - and you have done that and been so helpful I can't thank you enough.

While I and dearest mate are privately livid with the parents for refusing to look after any of their children, we knew that storming in to state the bleeding obvious in tones of rage wouldn't help.

Thanks to your advice and your information we do now have a way forward to sort things out, ideally with everyone involved. We'll be in touch with both adult and children SS.

Aromatherapy to treat psychotic rages? WTF!!!!!!!!

As other posers have mentioned, you absolutely need to call Social Services. But you need to be very specific on why you need them to take action. The key concern is the children and they need to be protected from extreme violence from a burly adult and you want steps taken to safeguard their welfare.

The 19 year old is an adult (so legally he is choosing not to medicate) and if his parents are prepared to suffer his violence, than that is tragic, but the authorities will be unable or unwilling to act, unless his mother wants to press criminal charges. (Which from what you've said seems unlikely)

But you need to act for those who have no agency in this situation - the children living in what be a horrific climate of fear. Call the Children's section at their local Social Services dept and report your concerns.

There should be staff on today.