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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be ficked off with the whinging

36 replies

HorribleDay · 28/12/2011 09:39

Our Christmas was shit. My beloved MIL died painfully after a 4 month battle with cancer when DS was 6 months old, in July. We nursed her at home and i held her hand as she died.

On Dec 23rd we were told equally beloved FIL has same cancer she died from, and days to live. Hence back and forth to hospital 4 hour round trip away every day to watch him terrified that he's going to die the same way.

DH had to work 25th and 26th (nurse) so it was just me and DS (1 year old).

AIBU to be totally fucked off with my family, friends and anyone else bitching and whinging about getting crap presents or not having a decent party to go to on NYE?

Sorry I need a vent and a cry. And a bottle of wine. A big one.

OP posts:
Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 28/12/2011 09:46

You poor thing. How horrible for you all. You are right - people that bitch and moan about trivialities are more often than not far more fortunate than they realise.

Hope you get your cry and big bottle of wine soon.

ILoveSanta · 28/12/2011 09:48

So sorry to hear that you have had so much sad news this year. Sending you a huge hug xxx

openyerlugholes · 28/12/2011 09:50

I know just how you feel. My dad died a few weeks ago after being ill all year and it really puts things in perspective.

Hope things eventually start getting better for you x

Sheena99 · 28/12/2011 17:30

Sorry to hear that, really puts the little annoyances of life into perspective. My thoughts are with you and your family.

rhondajean · 28/12/2011 17:34

So so sorry. Really am. Sorry for whining too xx

happynew2012 · 28/12/2011 17:35

How is fil?
Couldn't dh get compassionate leave? Could you stay in a travel lodge instead of doing all that driving?

prettyfly1 · 28/12/2011 17:36

I am so, so sorry to hear you are having such an awful time and yes it does put things somewhat into perspective. Have an mnetty hug!

helenthemadex · 28/12/2011 17:36

so sorry to hear about your FIL and yanbu

BogChicken · 28/12/2011 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CumpyGrunt · 28/12/2011 17:55

You poor thing.

My Dad died last year of cancer, MIL died this year. We nursed her at home too.

All the enforced jollity & whining have been pissing me off too.

Here a glass Wine, in fact heres a couple more WineWine

Really sorry about your FIL.

mum80 · 28/12/2011 19:02

So sorry. How awful. I too have just had 1st Christmas without my parents. However, I woludn't necessarilly say people who whinge about small things are having it easy. Sometimes they have big stuff to deal with too. I know that from experience.

SantieMaggie · 28/12/2011 19:23

so sorry :(

i know exactly what you mean after losing nan a few days ago. it really fecks me off people being so petty about insignificant things. dp bought me sweets and a monkey cushion for xmas but i'm just pleased he's here.

Original poster
HorribleDay · 28/12/2011 20:18

Thank you all so much. And so so sorry for all the loses you have all mentioned too. Hard at any time of the year - but feels harder somehow right now with all the festivities.

mum80 you're so right - I found myself moaning about the mess the cat litter made this eve, totally OTT but absolutely a symptom of the massive stressors.

The NHS told DH that when his dad dies, he can have 3 days compassionate leave, 'maybe five at a push' as he has used his 'entitlement' already - 5 days compassionate leave after his mum died, 5 days carers leave while we nursed her at home before she died, and 1 day while DS was in hosp with severe croup. He's a metal health nurse - good to see his NHS Trust knows how to care for it's employees mental health :-(

Been at hosp all day today, like last 10 days. Spoke with consultant who agreed days, maybe 2-3 weeks at best. FIL incredibly brave and wants to be with his late DW. He actually seemed a bit better today and I was able to wheel him to the cafe in the hosp or coffee - it's pretty well known that people who are near the end can have a day or so where they perk up - so not sure if he'll go rapidly downhill from now.

Think DH will end up keeping going at work for as long as he can, distraction ad much as anything. Hope his own MH and stress doesn't prove too much.

Thank GOD for out beloved DS. He was 10 years in the making, I have severe and widespread endometriosis - and he's an absolute joy. Just didn't plan on his first year bring so emotional and involving so much loss.

Much love and a happy 2012 to you all and (at risk of soppiness) hugs and wine all round xx

OP posts:
ballstoit · 28/12/2011 20:35

So sorry that you've had and are continuing to have such a hard time. Try to hold on to the lovely memories of your PIL, I'm sure they were delighted to have met and spent time with your DS.

I'm Shock at your DH's managers, and fairly sure that is a line management decision as a friend had 10 days paid compassionate leave when his wife left him (also NHS). I'm sure the last thing he needs is hassle at work but please encourage him to contact occupational health/HR if he needs time off.

Will be thinking of you, and if you or FIL are anywhere near Leicester, I'd like to drop you off a couple of home cooked meals to ease the burden x

Original poster
HorribleDay · 28/12/2011 20:49

Thank you so much ballstoit we're about 80 miles fro
Leicester - and you have just made me cry into my (large) tin of quality street with your kindness!

DH popping to see our thankfully fantastic GP tomo who will quite probably suggest DH is signed off for a bit - he may well need to be signed off tho I also get that work is a distraction for him as it's very busy and he can switch off. I might ask FIL if I can stay in the house over weekend with DS while DH works to save the driving (and petrol cost!)

On plus side am venting on here rather than Facebook or, worse, actually AT people! Crikey was only 3 weeks ago I was moaning about DH and I having a rather minimal sex life recently - how shallow does that seem now :-(

OP posts:
StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 28/12/2011 20:53

Wine thats all I can do / say

skybluepearl · 28/12/2011 20:55

I know it's going to be a hard few months for you but take care and be gentle with youselves.

ballstoit · 28/12/2011 20:57

Vent away...don't know where I'd be without MN sometimes.

SantieMaggie · 28/12/2011 21:10

HorribleDay - my nan was ill for months before passing away. It messes with your mind and for you to have to go through it again is just awful.

I know its hard but try to make sure you and DH look after yourselves - eat good food, try to keep as much routine as possible especially taking any medication you're on, don't be afraid to ask family and friends for help, etc. All the stuff we know we need to do at times like this but if you're anything like me it all goes out the window and you end up feeling worse for it.

I'm not surprised your sex life is minimal with what you've been through. Not shallow at all - we all need intimacy and its different to material things.

MogTheForgetfulCat · 28/12/2011 21:13

Oh crapola - poor you. I'd tell the whingers that they're getting on your wick, and why. That might make them pipe down a bit. Hope you got your wine and had a big glass.

Original poster
HorribleDay · 28/12/2011 21:24

I think for all of us, the trauma of MIL's death was just becoming bearable - I am frightened of going through that again (tho have been dealing with death in my job for 12 years and know this will be different and quicker as his cancer has spread to the brain).

Wish I could do something to make it better for DH too, really hard watching him struggle. Hoping a break in Spring will help,syne cottage in Lakes or something. Hard too as rest of family (my side) are 200 miles away so childcare tricky, tho have some amazing friends - but don't want to put on them or disrupt DS too much. He's been such a star, charming the nurses and bring his usual chirpy self - thank god he's an 'easy' baby (whatever that means!) and pretty chilled. Provided he has satsumas which are his current Favourite Thing In The World Ever....!

OP posts:
Original poster
HorribleDay · 28/12/2011 21:27

Not on the wine yet - too worried we'll get 3am phone call to rush off! DH has a glass of Real Beer most evenings at the mo. But have 2 large bottles with my name on them :-)

OP posts:
Original poster
HorribleDay · 28/12/2011 21:29

And yes the temptation to post 'seriously what the actual fuck do you have to whinge about????' is strong at times - but guess everyone has different stresses and stress levels...!

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TheBlackDahlia · 28/12/2011 21:33

So sorry for you HD and really hope things improve for you soon. The vast majority of the childish whinging lately on MN about shit that just does not matter makes my blood boil too and I don't even have any real hardship in my life right now. Hold tight, be strong and be good to yourselves.

duvetdayplease · 28/12/2011 21:36

Really sorry this is happening to you and your family. I agree about the whinging grating when one is dealing with real problems/sadnesses.

When my youngest was seriously ill, one of my 'best' friends took me out for coffee and spent half an hour moaning about her bf wearing the wrong tie to her sister's wedding - what a huge crisis indeed!!!!!

I wish your family strength for the times ahead x