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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be ficked off with the whinging

36 replies

HorribleDay · 28/12/2011 09:39

Our Christmas was shit. My beloved MIL died painfully after a 4 month battle with cancer when DS was 6 months old, in July. We nursed her at home and i held her hand as she died.

On Dec 23rd we were told equally beloved FIL has same cancer she died from, and days to live. Hence back and forth to hospital 4 hour round trip away every day to watch him terrified that he's going to die the same way.

DH had to work 25th and 26th (nurse) so it was just me and DS (1 year old).

AIBU to be totally fucked off with my family, friends and anyone else bitching and whinging about getting crap presents or not having a decent party to go to on NYE?

Sorry I need a vent and a cry. And a bottle of wine. A big one.

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Original poster
HorribleDay · 28/12/2011 21:42

Thank you both.

duvetday hope your youngest is better now? And yes what a totally HUGE drama wrong ties are - should be top of the Stress Life Events scale right before divorce and bereavement... How did (or didn't you) hold your tongue??

Bless my poor students when I'm back teaching next week - their requests for Extenuating Circumstances for exams because of a cold / cat having a broken toe / bike having a flat tyre will be met with less than my usual cheery signing off...!

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duvetdayplease · 28/12/2011 23:07

Yes he's all fine thank you. I think I was actually in shock at the time so just nodded and mumbled 'mmm mmm mmm'. Our friendship has never really recovered, I just feel we're on different planets. I have three friends who were stars during that time and everyone else was sadly a bit disappointing. But the experience taught me a lot and I'm a better friend than I used to be as a result.

If you do get a bit snippy over the coming weeks don't give yourself a hard time and just explain why.

And do take care. Stress is a bugger. x

Original poster
HorribleDay · 29/12/2011 07:54

Thank you and glad all was well with your DS x

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Original poster
HorribleDay · 30/12/2011 11:38

Just a brief update - DH has seen out lovely GP who is happy to sign him off nearer the time, so one less thing to worry about!

And have just apologised to one friend I was short with (on FAcebook - the shame!) and she was lovely and understanding. Maybe I do need to open up a bit more in RL as I tend to put a Big Smiley Front on... And then don't get the support I sometimes need - I'm much better as a Fixer of Other People's Stuff.

FIL continues to be very unwell. Had a run in with a nurse who was insistent FIL got up and walked to toilet rather than use bottles as these were 'too easy' and 'you'll get institutionalised'. I suggested she read his notes, see that he has 4 bloody great tumors in his head which are affecting his balance massively, and asked big a risk assessment about him mobilising had been done (it hadn't). Then asked why institutionalisation was a concern in someone with a few days to live? She apologised. Which was good.

Thanks again for all the support. I love MN - nest of vipers indeed!

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BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 30/12/2011 12:06

Hugs to you Horrible

I lost my mum 16 months ago to Lung cancer and I too held her hand as she slipped away. I found xmas this year and horrid lonely time which just highlighted what a small family I have (MIL and FIL sadly no longer here either) and yeah, I too get fed up with the whinges over silly trivial things.

Hope your FIL is peaceful..........and wishing you and DH love and strength x

Original poster
HorribleDay · 30/12/2011 19:55

Thank you Betty - it's so so hard to watch and I really feel for you, especially having had a lonely Christmas. Makes me so glad for the family I have, maddening tho they are at times.

Hard day today, distracted on MN and then with comical DS, but DH at work just now an for next 2 nights so I'll be over at the hospital on my own (well with DS) - terrified that something will happen when I'm there and I'll have to make decisions as things like resuscitation status not yet documented and DH not really discussing it. Know what FIL wants which is the main thing, but scared of potential fall out. Another sleepless one here me thinks - but at least DS is snuggled down and sound asleep!

God I feel like such a needy moaner!

Hope 2012 is shiny and bright for you x

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whitecloud · 31/12/2011 17:59

HorribleDay - feeling for you at this very difficult time. You are being a fantastic support to your dh. I do understand - my parents died within a year of one another and it was horrible. It is so overwhelming and stressful to have two bereavements close together. I was driven to fury by people moaning about small things who were not going through any kind of crisis themselves. Wanted to scream "one day you'll really have something to complain about!" It is natural to feel like that. So glad your dh will get some more time off from his stressful job. A double bereavement and illness is mega-stressful. Good for you for standing up to the interfering nurse. Try to get some rest when you can, both of you. Grief and bereavement is incredibly exhausting

Original poster
HorribleDay · 31/12/2011 19:14

Thank you whitecloud. Trying my best to support him, it's so so hard. I am close to FIL and was to MIL too, devastating for us all. No idea how he's going to survive this - he will, but it's bloody hard right now.

It just gets worse and worse - there's now Norovirus on the ward, so I went in today with DS after driving for 2 hours while DH slept after night shift .... To be told I couldn't go in. Eventually got DS to stay with a nurse while I went in for 20 mins, going to try an get him home or hospice I think.

2012 MUST be better right????!!!

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dottygirl1 · 31/12/2011 19:49

Hi there, I've seen your other post about the awful day you had today. Feel so sorry for you. I would open that bottle of wine now. I am about to do the same. My dad passed in September and my mam passed just 2 weeks ago on the 15th of this month. Had to sit through my in-laws having an arguement on xmas day about whose house they were going to on boxing day for dinner!!!
I'll raise a glass to you!!! You will get the strenght from somewhere to get though this awful time.
Take care.

Ifancyashandy · 31/12/2011 19:54

You poor poor thing. You have an absolute right to be totally fucked off.

Nowhere as sad as your loss but my beloved dad was diagnosed with cancer 4 weeks ago and keeping jolly for Christmas has been a total trial.

Sucks, don't it.

I've cracked open the champers. If I'm gonna be morose, I'm gonna be expensively morose.

Here's to a far better 2012 to all.

Original poster
HorribleDay · 31/12/2011 20:03

So sorry Dotty - that must be incredibly hard :-( Much much sympathy. anyone who has the strength to survive one bereavement a year has my admiration - 2 major ones is life being very cruel.

And yes Ifancyashandy it really, really, really sucks. So sorry for that news, and here's to champagne!!

Here's to a better 2012 to you both, an to all you lovely ladies (and maybe odd man) who have been so so kind with support xxx

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