To start keeping a log of what time dh gets out of bed

[nativityneepsntinseltatties]

Dh always sleeps in. It drives me nuts. I can not get him up in the morning. We have a lot of arguments about this. He isn't working just now so stays up late and gets up late. We have two young children and lots of things in the house that need sorting and it isn't getting done because he sleeps most mornings. I am thinking of writing it down in the hope that seeing how much of his life he is wasting in his bloody bed might shock him into some kind of action.

Everytime someone says "we don't need feminism anymore" I'm going to point them to this thread.

Ladies, stop putting up with it! It may be how you saw adult relationships growing up (your own parents, friends' parents, etc.) so therefore you think this is normal but it's NOT.

Marriage and parenting is in big part about helping each other and giving each other a break. Not piling the work on the other person and expecting to get a lie-in every day.

Why why why put up with these children men?

Make them change... or make them leave. Especially you OP, really what does you partner do for you these days? How does he go out of his way to make your life his beloved wife's life better and easier? What does he do to show he loves you?

These men think they are the heads of their households but to be honest they are a joke. A true man and leader asks what he can do for his family, not the other way around.

I would just throw a bucket of cold water on him and run.

Bloody hell, this must be like living with a teenager.

I know it's not easy to change things but surely he must realise that your relationship is unlikely to survive if he doesn't shape up?

How unreasonable are these men?! My dh sleeps very well, I don't, and most weekends he would sleep most of the morning if I let him. Sometimes I do, I'd live to but just because I can't, I don't see a reason to stop him, but when I need him up, he gets up. No complaining, just slower than me and needs vast amounts of coffee :o but he's up and ready....can't believe so many men don't!!

lady I would agree.

My DH has slept in on occasion in the last 6 months when he is feeling depressed and stays up because he can't sleep (lost his mum this year and finding first Christmas difficult), but he gets up by 9.30am even on a lie in day even if he has got to sleep at 5am.

If I am tired when he gets up he will take over and let me go back to bed or look after her later in the day so I can take afternoon nap. DD is always fed properly, not worried about her still being in pj's in the morning if no plans to go out until afternoon. He will take her to playgroup, friends house or the park while I rest, clean the house and cook. He also gives me lie in days too.

If he starts having too many late nights and lie ins in a row I speak to him about it as I cannot allow him to sink into depression, it is no good for him or us.

OP, you have not mentioned how long he has been out of work or whether his immediate prospects are good. But you seem to be banking on things getting better when he is working, and I can't help but wonder how likely this is to happen soon?

Because if this is a kind of false hope, then you're better off accepting that this is how things are going to be for the future and then decide whether or not you can live with it.

Well he helped a couple of times with the baby and right now he is up! Thankfully as I have 2 sick children. Doubt I have a long term solution here but it makes a nice change.

He just completed a degree. Getting work just now is hard though.

I am planning to get my head round our finances though, I want to be prepared if things don't get better.

Can he do some kind of work experience or voluntary work? That would help with the job search AND get him out of bed.

"I am planning to get my head round our finances though, I want to be prepared if things don't get better."

Can't he do the same? you know, degree or not degree, even flipping burgers in McDonalds, is better than being unemployed waiting for something to happen, because it won't happen.

Finding a professional job in this financial climate is extremely difficult, to illustrate the point, my last office assistant had just finished a degree, a PhD. She spent several months with us doing data entry and sticking labels on envelopes before taking a teaching position at Cambridge.

I meant so I could be prepared to go it alone. He isn't getting up today. He let our dd cry in her cot while I had a shower because he won't get up. I just told him he disgusts me. I don't think it's going to be a good day

My Dh gets up at 5 every morning. He is tired at weekends.

We have "lie in" until 8 at weekends. And then if we/he are tired, we just go to bed a bit earlier!

That's life with kids!

Ask him to plan his work on the house, so he can say when it's going to be completed. That requires thinking about each task and when it's going to happen, plus any other household tasks and periods of childcare he's responsible for. It's easy to sleep-in and take a while to get moving if you don't have a known task to get up for (from a single / childless person perspective anyway!).

Have you tried asking him if there is a problem rather than simply berating him?

Yes. I have encouraged him to speak to the dr too. He stayed up till 3 am playing on Facebook last night.

Why on earth are you all married to these idiots?

I am genuinely curious to know what things were like before kids. Did these man-children have you running about after them then?

OP - I have had depression, but I still got my arse out of bed to look after my child. It is not an excuse.

You deserve better than this neeps

I am saddened that so many men are like this. I must admit to getting annoyed with my OH as he always seems to be tired - but I have had to grudgingly admit that maybe he just needs more sleep than me. He doesn't sleep in, up until the baby was born we would alternate weekend lie ins, he has had one lie in since then and the baby is 10 weeks today. This is despite me admitting the baby is now sleeping from 11pm-ish (when we go to bed) till about 8am when my other 2 boys wake up, so really, I don't necessarily need a lie in as I am not up in the night.

OP I'm so sorry

I really think you need to consider your options. He sounds massively selfish and foolish.

sorry to hear thing are so bad OP. He sounds like a lazy, selfish git who is never going to 'man up' in a million years so the sooner you boot him out the better. I'm really not one for jumping on the get rid band wagon but I just can't see a single positive about the situation and the fact that he doesn't provide financially either suggests there would actually be very little upset to your routine & set up.
I hope you worth something out.
LCN
eta - if one partner needs more sleep than the other then go to bed earlier!!! We each have 1 lie-in a week until 10ish but beyond that, if we stay up late we'll have to put up with being tired the next day!!

"I meant so I could be prepared to go it alone." That's sad but a good way to think about it. Become independent and then go for it girl, when the time is best for you and your children.

All the best.

OP and cadlecap My DH is the same and I really do empathize. My DH works full time and also has depression. He has every weekend off and gets up at 11am at the earliest. My DS (7m) is up anytime between 5 and 7am. I always get up with DS do chorey type things / look after DS etc .

He then always asks for a coffee in bed - tough!!!

DH has been off for a week due to the festive season and hasn't surfaced before 11 each day. I haven't had a lie in since DS was born in June.

I'm so fed up
:(

I am going to do that for my dh. I wont quote it verbatim at him when i need to but it will prove several large ppoints i have been harping on about for ages. Bloody good idea, cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!