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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder what to do when your baby is absolutely bonkers?

56 replies

birdynumnums · 28/12/2011 00:29

Apologies for using the word bonkers but I do quite like it and it fits my 16 month old well.

He has been hard work ever since he was born. Had silent reflux and pretty much cried constantly until he was 6 months old. Then he got better and he was all smiles and we felt his real personality was coming out. But as lovely as it is to see him happy, he is crazy. He never sits still, he runs, he never walks and falls into door frames and cupboards every day. As soon as I turn my back, I find him jumping manically on the edge of the sofa or teetering on the edge of the toybox almost about to fall. If we read to him, he laughs demonically at the story, snatches the book and hurts himself ramming book into his eye. If we sing to him, he gets so excited attempting to sing along he topples over hurting himself. I actually worry that we may get reported to social services because of the amount of bruises he has.

Over christmas, it has become more apparent how crazy he is. I have had a feeling of palpitations, anxiety and general stress ever since he was born but have learnt to take it as normal but family members have been completely stressed out by being in the same room as him for mere hours and have been offering their sympathies. One family member invited us for boxing day but after having been with us for a couple of hours said 'don't worry if you are too stressed to come over'.

My mum has a theory that he is attention seeking because he is so used to my older son being given so many presents and being taken out without poor DS2 left at home which has happened alot because people felt so sorry for DS1 because we have been practically up most nights since he was born (thankfully night times do seem to be getting better).

Anyone else had a crazy toddler? Did they calm down?

OP posts:
EauDeLaPoisson · 28/12/2011 00:30

Yes I did- no he didn't! He is five now and still an utter maniac- and many people remark upon it so it's not just a parental 'oh isnt he a devil' kind of thing!

PeaceofCakeAndGoodWineToAllMN · 28/12/2011 00:32

I'd have a chat to your health visitor/GP. Children are generally bonkers though, they require a hell of a lot of training.

PeaceofCakeAndGoodWineToAllMN · 28/12/2011 00:33

It's not your parenting that's the problem, hence the recommendation to speak to your GP.

pickgo · 28/12/2011 00:37

Have you tried all the obvious - low sugar, no E's diet; loads of exercise/walks; playing out in the garden if you have one; regular bed time and routine; calm talking and lots of 'now we are going to do this then that', so that he feels a bit in control of his day?
Try not giving attention too to the bonkers behaviour and focus on calm activities. My friend used to dim all the lights in the house for half an hour before bedtime and turned off anything that made a noise. She reckoned it worked with her 2.

ddubsgirl · 28/12/2011 00:37

sounds like a normal kid to me,ds2 was alot hrder work than ds1 but then i had 2 to look after and ds2 was more daring than ds1 and by time i had twins they would be bouncing around the room,even now they are bonkers!but normal,ds2 & dst1 are always in a&e and yes both blond!lol ds1 is dyspraxic and very clumsy but i swear the other 2 with be the death of me!

keepingupwiththejoneses · 28/12/2011 00:38

Ds1 was like this, totally manic, never stopped. He is now 12 and has ADHD! On the other hand I have found that ds2 goes like that when his is tired.

mycatsaysach · 28/12/2011 00:42

dd was exactly like this - she crawled before she could sit and was running and leaping everywhere as soon as she could walk.she went to school when she was 4 yo and a couple of weeks and calmed down overnight.

birdynumnums · 28/12/2011 01:10

Hmmm glad it's not just mine.

Pickgo's post has me thinking. He has had a poor diet for the last month or so. He refuses to eat anything unless he can feed it to himself - if I offer him a lovely veggie meal with a spoon he shouts 'nah' and laughs hysterically. I usually end up giving him the spoon to feed himself and then most of it ends up on the wall. Then I worry he has not had enough calories and very often give him some rice pudding, yoghurt or biscuits (which he will always eat).

Went to relatives tonight and everybody there was just a nervous wreck watching him steam about the house, trying to copy the 3 year olds which would just end terribly with him charging into them and getting hurt.

OP posts:
Gonzo33 · 28/12/2011 06:04

My ds was exactly the same. He has calmed down now (10 yrs), although not by much. My dd is 22mths, she is not quite so bad, but not far off of it.

JungleJunction · 28/12/2011 06:36

My DS was like this. He lived on reins when we were out from when he could walk until he was about 3. I've never gone back to wearing heels, I've always needed to be able to sprint to catch/rescue him. Between 1 and 2 was the worst, I realised there are very few photos of this year, looking back, I think I was a bit depressed Sad. I also didn't go to many peoples' houses until he was about 2.5 as it was just SO stressful. It does get better, DS is 7 now and just calming down. From about 4 or 5 we could bargain and negotiate and threaten Wink. He was referred to CAMHS for a ADHD referral but it doesn't look as though he has it. There is a rule I do stick to though - treat as you would a spaniel! Grin Feed, exercise and cuddle every day! I always, always took DS out each day as soon as possible, and it made a difference - he was manageable rather than unmanageable IYSWIM! If DS gets tired he gets much worse too. I also try to make sure DS has as little sugar as possible (almost impossible now he is at school but more manageable earlier).

I also found that I gravitated when he was younger to other mums with kids like him who would be willing to go to the park no matter the weather. Get yourself some warm boots and coat, and an waterproof coverall for your son and get outside!

Good luck, it does get easier Grin

youarekidding · 28/12/2011 06:57

Yep, my DS was also bonkers. Grin Like jungles DS is calming now at 7.

You do kind of forget just how hetic they were as they calm. Until your DMum decides to show the xmas play from when they were 3 and yours is the only kangeroo king in the nativity who's doing laps of the stable. Grin

fivegomadindorset · 28/12/2011 07:02

Oh that is my DS, silent reflux, dairy intolerance, no sleeping until it was sorted, just tried to keep up with his sister, gives most other people heart failure, gets stuck up trees, never stops unles he is asleep. Now calming down slightly at the age of 3.5.

Canella · 28/12/2011 07:06

I agree with lots of what jungle says - I think a child like this is really difficult between the ages of 1 and 2. Dc3 was like this and I also dont have as many photos of him as the other 2 at that age. I really sometimes wanted to give him awayBlush.
But he's 5 now and I really can see the difference. He's able to sit still and concentrate in tasks. But it has taken every ounce of parenting skills to get here & much tears and self doubt.
I agree to treat him like a dog - lots of exercise & good food at regular times. And regular sleep times.
I really think this time will pass OP!

CoffeeDog · 28/12/2011 07:20

Couls be worse.... I have twins How we survived them being 1-2 i will never know.... just turned 3 now and life is still interesting.

They start Nursery in 8 days though !!!!! WOOHOO

Dozer · 28/12/2011 07:25

I know several mums with a DC like this and my cousin had three! (all now older, still active - sporty - but calmer). V hard work at the age your DS is now.

Agree that it could be good to find other parents in a similar situation, maybe at things like soft-play, park, and later on soccer tots etc. The problem is parents with DC like this never get time to chat cos they're run ragged!

Maybeit'd help to child-proof your house as much as possible, some DC may be fine with the "they need to learn" leaving things approach, but not Dc like this!

Your mum is talking bollocks btw.

belgo · 28/12/2011 07:33

It is a difficult age, even so called 'easy' children require constant attention at this age and can never be left out of sight.

My dd1 was like this and I hate to tell you, at the age of nearly eight, she still is. Still impossible at sleeping! She was crawling at 6 months and walking at 10 months and I feel like we haven't had a moment's peace since.

At least when they get older you can send them along to organised activities - gym, roller skating etc to try and use up their energy.

dd2 wasn't so bad, although very lively, but ds is an adorable hand full.

Can you send him to a creche so you can have a break?

kirsty75005 · 28/12/2011 07:54

I think some kids are just like that, don't worry about it being about your parenting. (My sister's eldest is just the same. When people suggest that it must because she doesn't give enough attention/gives too much attention/feeds him the wrong stuff etc etc etc etc, she points out that fetal monitoring had revealed him to be a completely hyperactive little foetus 3 months before he was born...)

DressingGownSnowQueen · 28/12/2011 08:00

Sounds like my dd. I love it! It makes life interesting Grin Her head just seems so busy. She barely sleeps and careers around at 100mph all day.

I really doubt it is down to attention seeking or anything you have done. It is just me and dd living in a small flat so she has my attention pretty much all the time when im not mumsnetting

rogersmellyonthetelly · 28/12/2011 08:49

I had that model, running, jumping, shouting, bouncing off Walls, totally out of control, and she talked all the bloody time. I mean the only time she was still and quiet was when she was asleep.
Now 5.5 and she is calmer, still bounces and gets very giddy, but mostly she just talks all the time which I can deal with.

PrettyCandlesAndTinselToo · 28/12/2011 08:54

Anothr one with a ds just like yours, birdynmnums, reflux, dairy intolerance, non-sleeper, early crawler, early walker, non-stop explorer, etc. Which was quite a shock after two relatively placid good sleeper dcs. We used to say that ds1 was a non-standard model, dd the standard model, and ds2 the delux model "Now with Added Challenge!". His energy, curiosity and ingenuity are an exhausting nightmare delight.

It was clear from the earliest days that ds2 was very different to his sibs. For one thing, he had the happiest personality of the lot of us!

To an extent it is the child's personality and the best thing is to channel his energy, rather than try to control it. But I do think parenting has something to do with it, too. If ds2 had been our first, I think we would have coped better with him, and wold have been far more disciplined and consistent. But being the youngest of 3, it was often easier to give him what he wanted, so that he would be quiet and let me get on with getting the other two to school. Big mistake!

Ds2 has just finished his first term in Reception. His teacher (who is lovely, BTW) confessed at half term that she really struggled with him for the first few weeks, until she found the right challenges for him. He can still be defiant and buzzy, and gets up to mischief, but he is learning to co-operate, too. When he wants to (and this is partly what she meant by challenges) he can channel his energy into some pretty good concentration.

I asked what she does when he kicks off. She ignores him. Literally turns her back to him and gets on with something else. And it works, she says. I have spent some time in and around his classroom and seen how he behaves at school. I was amazed. And I have seen how he can change, as if a switch was flicked, when I collect him.

I'm on my 3rd dc, have read plenty of parenting books, put things I've learned into action, you'd think I've got it sussed. Uh-uh. Ds2's teacher has offered me a parenting course, and I'm taking her up on it next term!

Mishy1234 · 28/12/2011 09:01

Sounds like DS2 who is 19 months. He NEVER sits still. If there's trouble to be had, he's in the middle of it. Running, climbing, tripping, falling...all the damn time!

It is EXHAUSTING! Not sure what you can do apart from try to tire them out and give them strict boundaries though.

I often say if DS1 had been them same I would have stopped at 1!

BandOMothers · 28/12/2011 09:01

Oh bless you! He sounds wonderful though....I know that's no comfort...but I love babies like that...far more interesting. I have 2 girls and one is calm and quiet whilst the other is like a small hurricane....I hear her coming through the house as it's all "Ow! bang...crash...thump" never walks....always runs...grabs, creates, sings, even when she is ill she's cackling and talking...but it's hard work! Does your son have a space where you can chuck him to play safely? I filled DD2s room full of floor cushions soo she can fling herself around...

spottydogpencilcase · 28/12/2011 09:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

troisgarcons · 28/12/2011 09:13

trampoline. thats what you want. Something he can bounce on to his hearts content and exhaust himself. Not a big one of course or he'll be launching himself into space.

He sounds like a normal exuberant child to me.

We all want one of those fluffy angelic children we see on the adverts, personally I think they are drugged to behave but the reality is: no two children are the same.

dietstartstmoz · 28/12/2011 09:14

My ds2 was exactly like this. A complete handful,no sense of danger etc as many little ones are. He was so different to his older brother. But he did not calm down and other difficulties presented themselves as he got older and he was diagnosed with autism at age 3.5.
OP i'm sure your little one will settle down but if you ever were concerned it would not hurt to talk to your gp when he was older. My ds2 passed all his developmental checks with the health visitor.

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