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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder what to do when your baby is absolutely bonkers?

56 replies

birdynumnums · 28/12/2011 00:29

Apologies for using the word bonkers but I do quite like it and it fits my 16 month old well.

He has been hard work ever since he was born. Had silent reflux and pretty much cried constantly until he was 6 months old. Then he got better and he was all smiles and we felt his real personality was coming out. But as lovely as it is to see him happy, he is crazy. He never sits still, he runs, he never walks and falls into door frames and cupboards every day. As soon as I turn my back, I find him jumping manically on the edge of the sofa or teetering on the edge of the toybox almost about to fall. If we read to him, he laughs demonically at the story, snatches the book and hurts himself ramming book into his eye. If we sing to him, he gets so excited attempting to sing along he topples over hurting himself. I actually worry that we may get reported to social services because of the amount of bruises he has.

Over christmas, it has become more apparent how crazy he is. I have had a feeling of palpitations, anxiety and general stress ever since he was born but have learnt to take it as normal but family members have been completely stressed out by being in the same room as him for mere hours and have been offering their sympathies. One family member invited us for boxing day but after having been with us for a couple of hours said 'don't worry if you are too stressed to come over'.

My mum has a theory that he is attention seeking because he is so used to my older son being given so many presents and being taken out without poor DS2 left at home which has happened alot because people felt so sorry for DS1 because we have been practically up most nights since he was born (thankfully night times do seem to be getting better).

Anyone else had a crazy toddler? Did they calm down?

OP posts:

therealsantaisagrinch · 28/12/2011 09:16

My ds was (and still is at 12!) like this, ao much energy and i just channel him into sports and activities... Dd(2) is even worse, no sleep until 18 months, new dairy allergy diagnosed too, and at nyrsery is known as the energetic and interesting one! Shes into everything, so cheeky and very bright!

Dsd(16) is a quiet slow one (dh likens her to a sloth!) and he was shocked when he met ds at age 6-7! Then dd came along as has worn him out! He blames me! and actually its probably true, when left to my own devices i get so much done, i never sit still either!!

BellaVita · 28/12/2011 09:21

Gawd, DS2 was just like this. Even now at 12 he is never still. When he was a toddler I found it absolutely exhausting.

My friend always said he just needs wide open spaces (like a field) to run it all off. She was right.

He rode a bike without stabilisers at 3. He took his armbands off (on his second swimming lesson) and said he could do it without them. And he always needs to be first to do something.

WilsonFrickett · 28/12/2011 09:21

He's not attention seeking btw - if your older one is the one that is taken out, leaving the little one with you, then the little one has the attention. A 16 mo would rather be at home with you than getting presents.

One word. Trampoline.

troisgarcons · 28/12/2011 09:21

It's like an echo in here sometimes!

curlytoes · 28/12/2011 09:42

My DS2 is like this. He's now three and while he is still bonkers he's a little bit more aware of danger, boundaries etc...a little bit! I whole heartedly agree with someone above who recommended treating them like a spaniel! Lots and lots of physical exercise preferably outside and obviously carefully supervised. We use the soft play and swimming pool a lot in winter. It must be horrid for our loopy little ones to hear 'no, no, no' all day so give him a good safe space and time to burn off energy. As he gets older don't give up on constantly explaining and reinforcing the behaviour you expect and praising good behaviour. I think this is starting to pay off with my three year old. Of course lots of love and cuddles. I often find my DS2 exhausting. If I'm honest I often feel embarrassed by his behaviour and wish he was a quieter, calmer child, then I look at him sleeping and remember what a loving and lovely little boy he is. Sorry to waffle! Good luck with yours.

troisgarcons · 28/12/2011 09:45

At 3 he can start mini-soccer. What about one of the lesser martial arts? Or a gym? Or dance? they usually start classes from 3 or 3 1/2.

ScroobiousPip · 28/12/2011 09:47

Echoey or not, I'll third the trampoline. And lots of time outside in big open spaces - beaches, fields, playing fields, anywhere where they can run and throw and hit stuff without being told off. Also, once they hit 2-3, buy a balance bike and/or a scooter for getting around on (more energy used up). Reserve quieter activities like learning to read for the evening, once they are physically shattered (I had to turn down a lovely Montessori preschool for my DS because they did quiet concentration work at the beginning of the day and I knew from the first trial day that it would be an unmitigated disaster...)

marriedandwreathedinholly · 28/12/2011 09:56

Our DS was just like this. Full of energy, full of curiousity, incredibly strong willed. Was also incredibly poorly until he was about 15 months. From 15 months I gave up work, I took him to the park every day rather like a puppy, introduced very firm routines and as he got older plenty of activities such as swimming, football training, extra nursery sessions. He was also always covered in bruises and even managed to get a black eye in hospital on one occasion!

He needed very firm boundaries and a lot of physical and intellectual stimulation. I even remember him being "over active" at the GP's and the GP asking if I thought anything was wrong with him. It makes me smile that he goes to the same school as GP's boys and hit is he all over the annual year book and not the GP's boys.

At 17 he's an A team rugby and cricketter, got fantastic GCSEs, is very pleasant and well mannered - if a little extrovert - and hopes to go to Oxford.

It's hard, hard work OP but they come through it. I would advise sorting the food stuff out though. If he doesn't want his proper meal - give him french bread or fruit not the sweet processed stuff.

curlytoes · 28/12/2011 09:58

Absolutely. My DS2 has started to enjoy craft/ board games/ trying to write his name etc and actually can concentrate really well but only if we do these things later in the day after a physically active morning out of the house. In contrast Christmas at my parents pristine, ornament filled, glass doored house has been challenging to say the least.

lady007pink · 28/12/2011 10:02

My DS (my eldest child) was a bonkers kid. My life was absolute hell for 3 years, I couldn't bring him anywhere, he was so quick I wouldn't notice he was about to perform an action until it was already done. He would hit other children and pull their hairs, when DD1 was born I had to keep her in my arms and stand on my feet the whole time because he would hit her and if she was in her carrycot try to turf her out of it. And I couldn't bring him anywhere, if he saw something he didn't like, he'd take a HUGE tantrum where he'd scream and run away (I once had to run after him in a crowded shopping centre abandoning poor DD in her buggy - he was nearly 5 then!).

My mother couldn't mind him, my MIL would but she would start lecturing me! I reckon I once caught some form of pneumonia (I was so sick, couldn't breathe properly, kept collapsing, lost 2 stone in weight) but I couldn't find the time to go to a doctor (he'd be hanging out of the ceiling if I did), I spent several days (when DH was at work) locked into the sitting room lying on the couch with DD1 lying beside me while he would just run wild around the sitting room, jumping on me but it was the only way I could manage.

OTOH, DD1 was a sweet adorable child and very well behaved. When I was pregnant with DC3 I prayed hard it would be another DD, and my prayers were answered! I have 2 DDs who have been much much easier.

DS settled down once he started school, and any issues he had regarding potential ADHD disappeared overnight. He is now 11, he has excelled at school, he plays a lot of football and soccer (just what he needs to get rid of his excess energy), he is well-behaved and very independent! While my DDs are shy, he is very confident. Of course, he's not perfect at home but I can cope with that

OP, don't worry, he will settle and in a few years time you'll be reassuring a future harassed mum in the same way!

curlytoes · 28/12/2011 10:05

Martiecabdwreathedinholly and lady007pink it's lovely to hear how well your boys are doing now.

4aminsomniac · 28/12/2011 10:05

My DS was like this.

He went on to get 5 A's at A level and a top degree.

Probably your DS is just very bright. Very hard work, but think of his potential!

(Sorry about stealth boast, just thought you should see the upside of it all!)

curlytoes · 28/12/2011 10:11

and Michael Phelps the Anerican swimmer was thought to have ADHD at school and now has 16 Olympic medals! Having enormous amounts of energy can become a positive. This is what I keep telling myself.

Emo76 · 28/12/2011 10:17

does anyone find that more excercise/stimulation/sport just builds their childs stamina up so they have even more energy?!

MrsDanverclone · 28/12/2011 10:33

Bonkers is a good word to describe this model of child! I used to describe mine, as the high maintanance version.

I used to treat my adored PFB daughter just like I would my young Border collies!!!!
Lots of love, good diet and lots of exercise. I often would be in our local soft play at closing time, if the weather was foul. Tried to keep her as active as I could, we walked everywhere, cycled, trampoline etc.
Other people sometime view them as being naughty, but I just thought of her, as with a zest for life ( kept telling myself that, when she didn't sleep properly for years and was bouncing off the walls most of the time, if left to her own devises)

STEALTH BOAST ALERT
It was very interesting to read other peoples threads, as my Dd also walked and talked quite early and is very bright, A* and A's at GCSE's without having put any effort in whatsoever.
( despite the amount of nagging I did) She is more than catching up on the sleeping now, but still crashes around the place in quite an amusing manner.

lady007pink · 28/12/2011 10:47

The bonkers boy I mentioned at 10:02:40 is just after catching a mouse and bringing it out to a distant field because he can't bear to harm it! (The little critter is going to end up back in the house!)
He's my hero, all I could do was stand there shaking - he said "Mum, he's much smaller than you, what harm is he going to do to you?"

lady007pink · 28/12/2011 10:49

What I'm saying is I'm pleased I endured those difficult times!

raspberryroop · 28/12/2011 11:13

Proud owner of 3 - as above I treat them like 3 large dogs - lots and lots of excersise, good food, lots of affection laced with a strong routine and lots of firm discipline (intersperested with some shouting !) -

raspberryroop · 28/12/2011 11:14

When small an indoor trampoline with a handle was the best buy

Cherriesarelovely · 28/12/2011 11:31

One of my friends DSs is just like this and always has been. Her DS2 isn't like this at all. I used to look after him and it was really, really difficult, even though I adored him. We are both teachers (myself and my friend) and so were used to seeing lots of different kinds of behaviour in children and knew that this was quite unusual. I obviously don't know your DS but from my friends point of veiw her DS is now 6 and is having problems at school and so she is finally getting some support for him. She wishes she had done so sooner. I really would ask your GP or health visitor, even if just to put your mind at rest.

Cherriesarelovely · 28/12/2011 11:32

Just to add in this DCs case he is also very aggressive, it's not just the energy that is at a very unusual level.

DedalusDigglesPocketWatch · 28/12/2011 11:35

Ds is 16m and a bit bonkers too. His head is covered in bruises either from climbing or from his violent tantrums. He had just started sleeping well, but then learnt to climb out of his cot so now has a mattress on the floor.

The hv is coming out to see us next week to talk through his behaviour and has suggested we keep a diary, including sleeping, food and behaviour to see if there is any pattern. So far we have noticed he is worse when hungry (more violent)

He is also very sociable and incredibly affectionate, so there is a definite upside!

NotAnotherNewNappy · 28/12/2011 11:40

I have 2 girls like this (3yo and 8mo). Neither of them stop for a moment during the day and both fight the beed to sleep with every fibre of their being. On family occaisions they are constantly compared to their calmer and better behaved cousins Agree, treat them like dogs and just keep telling youraelf this too shall pass.

LargeHadronKaleidoscope · 28/12/2011 12:31

DD was like this; nows she's in her teens she's slightly calmer. As other posters have said, letting him work off his energy is all you can do at this age.

Stealth boast alert: DD is now a bright teenager and does well with hardly any effort, but at least she sleeps more than 6 hours in one go now.

NotAnotherNewNappy · 28/12/2011 21:49

"treat them like dogs " What an awful thing to say about my own children I meant make sure you give them lots of excercise and fresh air!

Also, as he gets older, there will be some things that he is interested in enough to make him stand still for five minutes DD1 likes craft (but only on her own terms) and so I am constantly on the lookout for bargain glue and glitter.

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