to feel like I am going slightly mad?

[CheerfulYank]

My house is insane. It is starting to look like an episode of Hoarders. :(

And I hate clutter. I have ADD and I can't focus when there are too many visual distractions.

We've been doing renovations, like refinishing the floor, painting, etc, and everything is just...everywhere and nothing is done. DH works at the speed of molasses and though I love being organized I am not very good at it. I feel like I spend so much time tidying that I have no time to really clean and I hate it.

DS is 4 and a half. Constantly leaves things everywhere. He's also very into art and creating things, which is wonderful, but there are always little bits of paper and crayons and everything lying all over the place. DH works long hours so on the weekends he does "projects" with DS, which is lovely, but I feel like he thinks I will clean up after them. Case in point, a few weeks ago he bought a package of balloons for DS and they blew them all up and made them into animals, etc. So lovely, of course, and great for DS. However, neither of them made any effort to do anything with them afterward and they just floated around the house, shriveling up and collecting dog hair.

I am planning to get a dumpster and some big boxes so I can go through the entire house and either throw things away for put them in boxes to take to GoodWill. We just have so much crap and none of it is any particular place.

I'm also kind of hurt because (and this is probably the part where I sound like a whiny git) I asked a friend to come help me paint. She is a great painter, always redoing walls in her bookshop, etc. I told her I was really not doing well and could really use some help. I said it would help if I could just get one room done. She said sure and called me the night before and said "are we still painting tomorrow morning?" I said yes please. She said to call her. I called and called her the next morning. She never answered and I saw from her facebook that she had gone out of town. I asked her about it later and she said "Oh DH took me out for brunch." Well...great, but thanks for calling to let me know. It sort of rankles too because when her husband was overseas (in the military) I took her daughters to my house, the park, the library, where and whenever she needed me too. Obviously I didn't do that so she could return the favor someday, and I would never bring it up to her, but it bothered me a bit.

I told my best friend (since we were 8) a bit about the situation and that I was going to go through and throw everything away and asked her if she could please come help. I said it is ridiculous that I can't sort this myself but I am really not coping and need your help and asked if she could come stay with me for the weekend. (Her husband works weekends, she doesn't.) She said no but she could come for a bit sometime. That kind of...hurt. I know it's a lot to ask but I am really, really not doing well and need help. I know I'm being silly.

Anyway. I just feel like I don't know where to start. :( I know I'm going to have to do it myself and that's as it should be since it's my doing. But I just get...it's hard to explain. Sort of panicky and overwhelmed and I don't know where to start of what to do. Stupid, I know. But I am usually really cheerful (hence the name ) and this is really bringing me down. I had really bad depression when pregnant with DS and I am worried about going back there. I'm afraid.

Help?!

Just realized how long that is. Feel free not to read.

Where do you live? I'm on my way! By the time I've finished you will be in a minimalist atmosphere with everything labled or for sale on eBay

disclaimer my house isn't like that but I love sorting other people out.

One task at a time. One room at a time. Three piles = keep/throw/recycle. Immediately take the recycle to the charity shop.

Start with something relatively simple like book cases or magazine piles. Set up a filing system for household bills. Empty kitchen draws of useless items that might be useful one day. Sort the toy boxes (best done with no children on premises). Once you get into the swing of it it's quite cathartic.

troisgarcons gives good advice. Another way to do it is to allot half an hour a day (if you have one spare- but quarter of an hour will do as well) and vow to do that and no more. If you then feel like carrying on and finishing a task/a room, all well and good. If not, that's fine, you have done your half hour and can reward yourself accordingly.

What worries you most? Is it the stuff? Or is it that you fear your depression is returning?

Make a list and start ticking. Even the act of writing things down will bring order to your thoughts. Then prioritise you will then see that the things you thought were important and overwhelming arent. Its very cathartic too.
I sound like Monica from Friends dont I?

Give loads to Freecycle so you feel good too. Then you cant change your mind about giving stuff away as you know it will go to someone who really want it.

I understand completely. When we have people coming to dinner - I go through the downstairs with a plastic box and clear all surfaces of clutter - usually the dc's but often things like an emery board, a bottle of nail polish, the odd book, newspaper with unread article. All the things that are brought downstairs and not taken back upstairs or put away again. The box then gets put in the spare room.

Shock is when we have the next dinner party and I do exactly the same and realise there are two or three boxes already in the spare room. Oh how many packets of blue tack or protractors there are up there I dread to think . Superfluous chargers and usb cables are big culprits!

Yes make a list and tick off as you go, I know exactly what you mean about feeling panicky and overwhelmed by clutter and stuff, Ive sat and cried at the state of my house before taking action sometimes!!

Dont worry, start small and once you get started you will feel great. x

Hey CY. I totally understand. You're not going mad, you've just got sensory overload!

Mr Pru has ADD and he struggles to function if there is clutter and discord. When we met, he existed in a pile of chaos, which was a vicious circle as the more it amassed, the harder he found it to cope. Over the years I've realised that he functions at his optimum if our environment is sparse and organised. I can totally relate when you say you're feeling panicky and overwhelmed, on occasion when we've not had time to clear up, I can see him hesitating, starting to lose his focus and generally struggling to keep a grip on whatever task he's doing. He's lucky that he has found his very own Monica Geller a super-organised, neat and tidy teammate in me

Trois suggestions are excellent. Particularly the 'one bit at a time'. The trick is not to get distracted. Channel that hyperfocus you Adders are so blessed with.

First, make a dedicated place for everything. Have category bin bags ready along the lines of Trois keep/throw/recycle. Have a shredder to hand. Be brutal about getting rid of stuff.

When I tackle a room, I start in one place and sweep methodically in a line around the room rather than flitting here and there. I also break down the clearing into chunks. So for example, with the kitchen, I'll start with gathering up just the stuff to go in the dishwasher rather than put this thing in the dishwasher then rinse that thing then take that thing outside then put another thing in the dishwasher... I'm gathering dishwasher fodder ONLY, and I blank out all of the other bits and bobs needing attention. I sweep around the room on my dishwasher mission, then once those things are all done, I'll sweep around on a chuck in the bin mission and so on.

How are your meds (if any)? DPs on Concerta XL, and we've found that the irregular hours we keep over the holiday period and changes in his alcohol consumption can affect how he reacts to the dose. If you think this might be affecting you too, it could be worth checking with the doctor to make sure your current dosage is optimum.

Oh and YANBU!

Yanbu. I completely sympathise. When I feel overwhelmed I do the 15 minute thing, and as ViviPrudolf said, stick to only the one task per 15 minute chunk so if I'm clearing kitchen worktops - don't get distracted putting something you find on there from the bathroom away - just dump it on the stairs for later and get back to the task in hand.

Additionally, I find a stairs basket really helps in day-to-day organisation - anything that needs to go back upstairs gets dumped in the basket and taken upstairs all in one go when there's a few thing in there and everything put back.

Where are you living? If I'm near I could come and help.

One last thing - have you checked out the flylady website? I found it a big support n my darkest disorganisation hours.

Absolutely agree with the 15 minute thing. Choose one area, even if it's just 'okay I'll tidy that pile', set a timer and see how far you get. If you finish that pile before 15 minutes is up, start on the next one.

When the 15 minutes are up, see if you're ready to do more and re-set the timer, or stop for a bit and go back.

I find that once the first 15 minutes is gone, I just keep going until it's all sorted.

I'm sorry your friends let you down, too. That's just not on. If I lived close (I happen to know where you live, in general, HI! BTW! ) I'd come help for sure!

I am going to do the 15 minute thing with ds in his bedroom for the rest of the holiday. At the end we might be able to see the floor

Actually Cheerful Yank is always kind and helpful and never has a nasty comment. I don't like to think of Cheerful Yank in trouble. I would help if I were close enough and think we need to try to give really practical guidance.

CY can you make a list of three small jobs to get done every day and spend 30 minutes doing something you really like doing inbetween them and reward yourself with a walk, a bubble bath, a game of footie with ds when they are done.

Perhaps keep to that target every day for a week and at the end of the week look at what you have achieved. It will be huge.

Thanks Married.

I like all of the advice here, thank you so much!

Vivi what you said about your husband makes a lot of sense. I'm not on medication; my job is actually helped by my ability to think in a million different directions as once. :) If I get enough sleep and keep everything tidy I'm usually all right....however, it's not working right now.

Thank you so much for everyone's kind offers to help! I live in Minnesota though, so I don't think anyone is near me. :o (Hi, Tee!)

My Dad is coming later today, so things will have to be at least semi-tidy, which is good. He is taking DS back to their house until Sunday so I'm hoping I'll have time to declutter by myself.

I'm going to call today and order the dumpster so I can begin chucking things.

I love FlyLady but it's hard to follow a routine right now because there's just stuff everywhere. I will start following my updates as much as I can though, that sounds like a good idea.

Thanks so much again, everyone. :) I am feeling a bit better today.

All right. (May be talking to myself at this point :) )

Have started in on the bathroom. DH and I keep our clothes in there, and our washing machine and dryer are in there, so it's a mess. I am working on getting all the laundry sorted. It's so hard to just concentrate on one thing! I keep thinking, oh I should wipe the mirror, or I should clean the sink, but I know if I do those I'll get distracted. One thing at a time, one thing at a time. :)

Ooooohhhkay. I am going to keep posting here because I want to keep track of what I'm doing. :o Dumpster is here!

I've just dumped a drawer in the middle of my living room and am sorting it into keep/throw/ask DH if he wants piles. It looks overwhelming (I was shocked at the amount of stuff that was packed in there!) but I will just do this one drawer now and see where that gets me.

Welcome back CY. Not sure what time it is where you are.

Sounds brilliant to me. Today I have done zilch (except all the ironing) big fat zilch. It is nearly 6pm here. MIL went at 10am and I am still in my dressing gown and have just had two glasses. It is bliss, utter sinful bliss. DD is still in her jimjams too.

Tomorrow is my day - my big big day.

The dumpster might soon be full - but not if you keep bobbing in and out of Mnet.

I know, I know!

It is noon here. I'm going to organize for an hour straight and see what I get done.

Really leaving now. Really. :)

Well done with the dumpster :)

Can I suggest giving your DH a timescale to decide on 'his' stuff, fairly short. like a day or so. After that you get to sort it out :)

Oh yes, definitely! He'll have this evening and then it's going in the dumpster. I need to be brutal or I won't change anything, and I need to.

During my cleaning I found a picture I'd ripped out of a magazine that showed a very sparse house. Not cold or unwelcoming at all, but no clutter and very muted colors. It made me feel relaxed just to look at it, and I am realizing that this is what my brain needs.

I think DS is a bit the same, he doesn't seem to have my attention issues but he definitely seems more short tempered in a cluttered environment.

So, in the past hour I've taken a few drawers-full out to the dumpster and put DS' old coat in the wash so I can ebay it. And put a few of DS' art projects in plastic sleeves in a binder to keep. I only kept a few very special or cute ones; I was ruthless with the rest! :)

Ok. Back to work.

My ds is really into arts and crafts stuff and I hate the mess it makes. I find the best way to keep on top of it is storage boxes

1. for pens/pencils/crayons
2. for paper/card/materials
3. for other stuff - scissors, stickers, glue etc
4. for completed projects (which I clear out on a regular basis)

It makes it a lot easier and quicker to put the stuff away. I put labels on them so ds can tidy away quickly and easily and can find his stuff. I can also keep them in his bedroom and only bring them down when he is using them.

But one small bit at a time - you can't do all of it at once. One drawer or one pile and you will get through it.

How are you getting on with it?

Ok. Not as much done as I'd like, but I've been pretty busy. Still working, bit by bit. And I rejoined the Fly Lady threads. :)

Happy New Year CY. Just think what you will achieve in 2012.

You too Married. I'm trying to put one of DS' coats up for sale right now...removing that clutter a bit at a time. :)

Sounds like youre making steady progress :) Well done :)