My house is insane. It is starting to look like an episode of Hoarders. :(
And I hate clutter. I have ADD and I can't focus when there are too many visual distractions.
We've been doing renovations, like refinishing the floor, painting, etc, and everything is just...everywhere and nothing is done. DH works at the speed of molasses and though I love being organized I am not very good at it. I feel like I spend so much time tidying that I have no time to really clean and I hate it.
DS is 4 and a half. Constantly leaves things everywhere. He's also very into art and creating things, which is wonderful, but there are always little bits of paper and crayons and everything lying all over the place. DH works long hours so on the weekends he does "projects" with DS, which is lovely, but I feel like he thinks I will clean up after them. Case in point, a few weeks ago he bought a package of balloons for DS and they blew them all up and made them into animals, etc. So lovely, of course, and great for DS. However, neither of them made any effort to do anything with them afterward and they just floated around the house, shriveling up and collecting dog hair.
I am planning to get a dumpster and some big boxes so I can go through the entire house and either throw things away for put them in boxes to take to GoodWill. We just have so much crap and none of it is any particular place.
I'm also kind of hurt because (and this is probably the part where I sound like a whiny git) I asked a friend to come help me paint. She is a great painter, always redoing walls in her bookshop, etc. I told her I was really not doing well and could really use some help. I said it would help if I could just get one room done. She said sure and called me the night before and said "are we still painting tomorrow morning?" I said yes please. She said to call her. I called and called her the next morning. She never answered and I saw from her facebook that she had gone out of town. I asked her about it later and she said "Oh DH took me out for brunch." Well...great, but thanks for calling to let me know. 
It sort of rankles too because when her husband was overseas (in the military) I took her daughters to my house, the park, the library, where and whenever she needed me too. Obviously I didn't do that so she could return the favor someday, and I would never bring it up to her, but it bothered me a bit. 
I told my best friend (since we were 8) a bit about the situation and that I was going to go through and throw everything away and asked her if she could please come help. I said it is ridiculous that I can't sort this myself but I am really not coping and need your help and asked if she could come stay with me for the weekend. (Her husband works weekends, she doesn't.) She said no but she could come for a bit sometime. That kind of...hurt. I know it's a lot to ask but I am really, really not doing well and need help. I know I'm being silly.
Anyway. I just feel like I don't know where to start. :( I know I'm going to have to do it myself and that's as it should be since it's my doing. But I just get...it's hard to explain. Sort of panicky and overwhelmed and I don't know where to start of what to do. Stupid, I know. But I am usually really cheerful (hence the name 
) and this is really bringing me down. I had really bad depression when pregnant with DS and I am worried about going back there. I'm afraid.
Help?!