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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel hurt at DH's present?

50 replies

tripletrouble · 27/12/2011 10:04

This year I got five wrapped presents from DH. One was a new purse, which was very nice. One was chocolates- I am overweight! And THREE were socks.
I know he loves me, but can't help feeling he did not put much thought into this- and I spent two months planning and carefully buying presents for his family , my family , and the children!

OP posts:

callmemrs · 27/12/2011 10:06

Perhaps he doesn't have two months Planning and buying time !
Why not try telling him what you'd like?
A Xmas present isn't a measure of his love or the quality of your relationship you know!

ILoveSanta · 27/12/2011 10:06

I would have been really pissed off a tad hurt too.

Perhaps next year, you need to drop HEAVY hints for things you would like - try leaving lists, open we pages etc.......

McPhee · 27/12/2011 10:07

Be thankful you got something I say. My boyfriend has yet to give me anything!

Triggles · 27/12/2011 10:08

DH & I always discuss what we'd like for Christmas and buy something for us as a couple together generally. No angst over badly chosen gifts and we're both happy.

Something to consider....

ladyintheradiator · 27/12/2011 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dustinthewind · 27/12/2011 10:09

We all write Father Christmas lists in this house, and blutack them to the wall of the extension. They are decorated and everything, and give people ideas about what might be a fantastic present. DD and DS often include the website as well, which is very handy.
Better than feeling sad and hurt. DD wanted socks BTW.

rubyslippers · 27/12/2011 10:09

Tell him what you want?

I think as gifts go they all sound fine

skybluepearl · 27/12/2011 10:09

My DH surprised me by buying my fave purfume. That was the only surprise as usually I give him a wish list - he seems to struggle otherwise. We have had some dire gift years in the past. I know it's not all about recieving gifts but xmas does involve a lot of hard work and it's nice to be appreciated properly.

JenniferEight · 27/12/2011 10:10

Don't take the chocolates thing personally. He probably is trying to say that he doesn't mind you the shape you are, and knows you like chocolate...if he had thought it through, anyway! I bet that would be his answer.

Socks is great. But maybe 3 pairs a bit unoriginal. But he has tried fgs!

Purse sounds lovely.
I got a DVD box set to share with the kids...anything more personal than that and he would be scared I'd take it as a sign of commitment!

Annpan88 · 27/12/2011 10:11

Wouldn't the purse on its own of been a nice gift?

skybluepearl · 27/12/2011 10:11

I nicely/directly asked him not to buy me chox with one small
exception

Dustinthewind · 27/12/2011 10:11

Althougfh it is wise to remember that people are not often blessed with telepathy or an innate empathic knowledge of what would make you happy.

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 27/12/2011 10:12

Can't see what's wrong with any of those. But then, I'm not really fussed about presents. I watch my brother run round after his present-obsessed wife, desperately trying to avoid pissing her off with inferior offerings and think it's all a bit sad.

fluffytowels · 27/12/2011 10:14

YABU. I send DH a list complete with web links. Saves a lot of heartache.

As for the chocolates. I am also overweight But that's because I really like chocolate! So actually, perfectly good gift Would you have been less upset by an exercise ball

QuietTiger · 27/12/2011 10:18

My DH is "useless" when it comes to buying presents, simply because he has had so little practice and he's like a startled rabbit in headlights when shopping for "girl stuff".

The problem was solved by the pair of us setting a tradition of going Christmas shopping together and me giving him "some" guidance.

e.g this year, we went into John Lewis and I pointed him at 3 perfume counters and said "pick one perfume you'll think I like and don't tell me". That way, he puts some thought into it, and it's a vague suprise, in that I know it's perfume (which I want) but not what sort, IYKWIM. After that, I found him a willing sales assistant who was happy to help and told her my sizes in clothing. Then I packed DH off with her for a bit and she helped him choose various bits of clothing/underwear that he thought I might like. He was terribly proud of himself as he got it all boxed up and I "had no idea" what it was.

I was a bit at the Playmobile Farm set that I got, however. Apparently it's for the baby when it arrives. (I'm 25 weeks pg).

It seems to work and it means that we have a nice lunch out, as well as doing all our Christmas shopping for the rest of the family together.

pictish · 27/12/2011 10:20

Ach it's a tricky one.

Some men (a few anyway) seem to have the perfect-present gene installed....they make the effort to buy thoughtful and lovely gifts for their dws. They see it as an opportunity to show their dw how much they appreciate and love her, and have it in them to seek out and buy something that reflects that.

Sadly, I have never been in a relationship with one of those men. I have always been with your bog standard, run of the mill, couldn't be arsed/I don't know what to buy/I hate shopping slack arsed man, who don't view gift giving as an expression of their adoration, so much as a massive inconvenience.

It's hard not to be jealous when you see other women enjoying their dh's thoughtfulness while you are not in raptures over socks....but be assured you are not alone. Most men are shit at shopping and presents....not because they lack the intelligence to get it right, but because they can't be bothered. Wankers.

Bunbaker · 27/12/2011 10:21

"DH & I always discuss what we'd like for Christmas and buy something for us as a couple together generally. No angst over badly chosen gifts and we're both happy."

We have often done this. We also write Christmas wish lists and use them as a guide.

MigratingChestnutsOnAnOpenFire · 27/12/2011 10:22

christmas lists!!! Invaluable in my opinion!!

EricNordmanfirandMistletoe · 27/12/2011 10:23

YABU

ILoveSanta · 27/12/2011 10:25

The best present my DH ever bought me was when we were going out, it wasn't expensive, but it was just so thoughtful. I think that's what the OP is trying to get at, that three pairs of socks just doesn't seem very thoughtful.

We all like to think our DHs would put thought into buying us a present, so I can totally understand why she is hurt, especially when she has put so much effort not presents for others. It's not the cost of it, it's the thought behind it that is important. And socks just don't cut it for me. Well not unless they were special socks that he knew I would really love!

Zombi · 27/12/2011 10:32

Yabu to focus on the things you didn't like instead of the purse. I would feel sorry for you but there are too many children out there who got nothing at ALL for me to muster any care.

Original poster

tripletrouble · 27/12/2011 16:30

Thanks for the opinions, I feel better now that I have some perspective on it- especially ILoveSanta's comment, because it is the lack of thought that hurt not the actual present.

OP posts:

slavetofilofax · 27/12/2011 16:38

I usually find I have more of a problem when dh does put thought into it. I end up with something lovely, but something that I have no use for and that I don't want.

This is why we talk about what we want, and I generally email him a few links to things I would like then let him choose what to buy, and he does the same. ThAt way it's still a surprise but you know you're going to get something you want. Everyones a winner.

mrsjay · 27/12/2011 16:47

My DH never knows what to get me i dont wear jewellry i always manage to break or misplace it , ive lost so many nice things its embarassing , so i always suggest what i would like , now my dds go out and get it for him as he is really busy with work etc , this year i got a purse which i wanted a new cardi which i love and a few dvds 1 , i think you should hint at what you would like next year some dont put much thought into things ,

champagnevanity · 27/12/2011 16:53

I'd have been really pissed off, but thats because im a spoilt bitch

It is about the thought being put into it, especially silly, jokey presents that mean something to both of you, that is priceless!

Now, go slap your husband!

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