AIBU PIL don't bother with my children and OH spends rest of Xmas with them?!

[bakingno4]

ok, so OH gets up this morning and decides to spend the rest of the holidays with his mother. We have 4 children, I could count on my hands the amount of times his mother has visited them, the eldest is 8 years old. She hasn't given them anything for Xmas and didn't even phone on Xmas day to wish them a happy Xmas, she lives a 2.5th drive away and I don't have a car, whenever they have family dinners/parties etc OH is invited but me or our kids are not, AIBU to expect that he spend his one week off work here with his children and if he wants to see his mother then she could have come up to see him?

Your DH sounds like a twat too.

He was intending to spend the rest of the holidays with them bar two days because he wil be working near here for this two days! Nope, not seeing another woman although one would think it because he is unable to prioritise and as a result it feels like he's in a relationship with his mother and I'm. Bit on the side :-\

your oh drives a two seated van. simple, he collects mil to see the children. (if only it were that simple)

YuleingFanjo - I think he's a right prat but he thinks I'm unreasonable for thinking this!!!

blackeyedsanta - since she always complains that she finds the drive tiresome (she's only 53) I will suggest that to him 8-) never occurred to me before, but will put him under pressure to put her under pressure since he hates driving and would be a 10th round journey to go down and pick her up then drop her off!!!!

OK so this sounds like a complicated scenario. Your DHs family scenario seems dysfunctional. Fitst of all to be absolutely clear YANBU to not have your kids unsupervised with your ILS. That is a no braineras as far as I am concerned.
Your MIL seems to regard her husbands behaviour as acceptable and has rationalised it to herself. You questioning it and making it clear you would not trust him with your kids has forced her to demonise you in order to justify he own decisions and her husbands behaviour to herself. It is sad that she is prepared to sacrifice her relationship with her grand kids but that his her decision. There is littl enough you can do. If you want your kids see their grandmother then I would make the trip once a year and accept that this is all there will be as she can't or won't do more. If you arent that bothered about keeping them in touch then don't bother with the hassle.
Your DH obviously is in a difficult position. He wants to see his mother. I think I would agree up front with him when he would go up each year. Maybe four times for a period of a couple of days. Then you all know when it is happening and for how long and if you decide to go you can all go together. Going of the rest of holidays now is too long but I appreciate that he is in a difficult position and just feels he should see her over Christmas.
Your MILs view of you will not change because you challenge her perception of her husband and his behaviour (rightly). So you and DH will have to comeup with a structure to deal with it.
Just so you know I have a similar situation with my ILs. My MIL is alcoholic and I do not allow her and FIL (who does not challange her drinking) unsupervised access to my kids. This can be challenging sometimes but DH and I are on the same page re this and work it so that he and the kids get to see his parent and maintain a relationship with them.

Thanks BlueFergie that's really good advice and makes sense!!!

You have a 2 month old, an abusive dangerous dysfunctional IL and lots of kids. MIL can get off her lazy arse to see your kids if she wants to see them. Is she controlled or hurt by her partner? She seems to want to manipulate your hubby either way. He needs to think whats best for his family (you and kids) first - above the needs of others.