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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be very annoyed with dps reaction

61 replies

poloi · 26/12/2011 22:39

We had a christmas dinner with my parents and brother on Christmas day. My brother is back from uni and so has been staying over at our house. As a thank you this morning he cooked me bacon sandwichs in bed. Dps family came over for a meal today but my brother used the bacon we had intended to use for pigs in blanket. When we were preparing Dp noticed he'd done this and went mad calling my brother a thick cunt and saying how he was a moron who had ruined the meal.
AIBU to think that Dp was stupid (the fact we served sausages and no bacon had little difference on the meal) and completely out of order for speaking to my brother like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
poloi · 26/12/2011 22:59

pictish- No he's generally not like that

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 26/12/2011 23:00

is your partner often a twat ?

Original poster
poloi · 26/12/2011 23:00

I honestly didn't think of going out to buy more bacon, it didn't seem worth the hassle to me

OP posts:
pictish · 26/12/2011 23:01

Well...I think your partner should apologise to both you and your brother. Unreservedly.

SquashedSquirrel · 26/12/2011 23:01

I think I'd have spoken to him at the time. He needed to be told that his reaction was unacceptable and his language was frankly disgusting.

Also, I would've wanted my DB to know that I was not simply going to stand back and accept that sort of behaviour towards a family member and guest in my house. I would've hated DB to feel awkward for the rest of the morning because of twatty DP.

nurter · 26/12/2011 23:02

How is the relationship between your brother and your partner? Do they get on or is there always a bit of tension

LisaD1 · 26/12/2011 23:03

Your DP is a twat! If my DH had spoken to my DB like that he would be looking for somewhere else to live. The c word is the most offensive word I can think of and he used it over something so trivial? Your DB did something nice for you and you DP ruined the moment and is completely out of order.

Original poster
poloi · 26/12/2011 23:04

nurter- They don't really get on that well, DP thinks my brother is smug and arrogant (which he can be) and I think honestly didn't want him to stay but I still don't think thats an excuse.

OP posts:
kerstina · 26/12/2011 23:07

How awful he sounds a twat is he called Gordon Ramsey ?

ecude · 26/12/2011 23:08

Tere must be more to this surely, no-one could become so enraged over something so trivial surely

inatrance · 26/12/2011 23:09

He's a bit of a bully your 'D' P isn't he?

anode · 26/12/2011 23:10

How old is your brother OP?

Original poster
poloi · 26/12/2011 23:10

He's 21

OP posts:
garlicnutcracker · 26/12/2011 23:11

Sweetheart, it's not even the beginning of an excuse. You wouldn't behave so badly to some other guest, doing it to a family member certainly doesn't make it any better!

Even if he disliked your brother on sight, a respectful/caring partner would be civil to him out of consideration for you.

I'm quite distressed by the thought of your brother apologising and trying to ignore such a shocking outburst. I assume your partner felt safe enough to do it, as he knows neither you nor DB would call him up on it ... that makes him a bully, to be blunt.

I hope you can elicit a full, genuine apology to your brother, no "buts" or excuses. I also hope you can feel 100% sure, in your own mind, that P's outside with no dinner the next time he behaves so badly.

BlueFergie · 26/12/2011 23:13

Your DP is a horrible man. If my DH spoke to a family member of mine like that I would scratch his eyes out. What a despicable way to behave.

karetta · 26/12/2011 23:21

I can't believe that you allowed him to speak to your brother like that without doing anything.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 26/12/2011 23:23

I feel sorry for your 21 yo db too

he's not much more than a kid

he thought he was being helpful (he was)

your partner is waaaaaay out of order

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 26/12/2011 23:24

Your brother sounds lovely - your DP sounds like a rude, nasty, twat...

Where is your brother now?

You need to deal with this in no uncertain terms or you might lose the close relationship you have with your brother and your P certainly doesn't seem worth that.

Original poster
poloi · 26/12/2011 23:26

My brother's still here but he's gone to bed. He goes back to uni on the 28th because he's got exams in January.

OP posts:
runningwilde · 26/12/2011 23:27

You should have broached it straight away as that was well out of order. For goodness sake, aibu is full of people who let let others walk all over them tonight. Your poor brother. Is your partner always such a twat? Considering his reaction to the bacon, I bet he is.

HoneydragonAteCliffRichard · 26/12/2011 23:32

He's 21 he's entitled to be a little smug...on account he's 21

How old is your dp?

Your dp needs to apologize to your brother, and to you.

1973magpie · 26/12/2011 23:33

'D'P sounds like an unpleasant bully to me Sad.

Total over reaction - if it was that big a deal - go to the shop twat...

I would have said something at the time, but would also be having a serious discussion about what is appropriate behaviour.

So cross on your behalf Angry

TheOriginalNutcracker · 26/12/2011 23:37

I would be absolutly furious if anyone spoke to either of my brothers like that, let alone my partner.

I feel sorry for your brother. He does something nice and gets spoken to like that, and you don't even say anything there and then.

PeaceofCakeAndGoodWineToAllMN · 27/12/2011 01:05

You can judge how great a partner is going to be towards you by the way that they react towards others. This one doesn't bode well, I'm sorry. I'd be looking for a way out, there's some lines which you just don't cross.

yellowraincoat · 27/12/2011 01:10

Oh my goodness, I do not get on with my brother AT ALL, but if my partner spoke that way to him I'd be fuming. In fact, if he spoke that way to anyone.

Over a bit of bloody bacon ffs!