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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be an utterly fucking miserable cow?

37 replies

bigbrownmincepies · 26/12/2011 21:08

Disclaimer...I do love my kids!
BUT....they fucking broke up from school a whole 8 days before Christmas and last week was bloody awful.
Dd was ok, she's 15, and did her own thing mostly, but refused to spend any time in the same room as me!
Son is 9, and will not fucking leave my side.
He tried to play out but his mates round here were busy with family etc.
Only family we have round here is my parents, both in their 70's.
No body offered to have him over to play, even tho on the Wednesday schools closed for strike action I had his mate over for the afternoon, and his mum had said he could go over there.
But anyway, by the time Xmas day arrived I was tired, stressed and fed up!
Oh finished work on 23rd, went out Xmas eve afternoon for " a few". And has gone to the pub again tonight.
I have always suffered with depression, and I can feel it getting worse as each day progresses.
These 2 weeks have been HELL for me, and by the time they go back to school I'll be fucking suicidal.
If we want to go anywhere dd refuses to come, son creates a fuss, hates shopping, we even thought about Going to the coast today but I knew the grief and moaning we would have had, and dd would have refused point blank, son would have said " I'm not going if she's not going" so I told oh I just couldn't face it,
We played monopoly but son got bored.
He's always bored.
I am so so so miserable. And I can't get out of it, utter misery.
No family to visit.
No friends call to see us.
Roll on 4th jan Sad

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 26/12/2011 21:11

Seeing as your kids are 9 and 15 its natural they will want to do their own thing, you need to find things to do for yourself that do not rely on your children participating. 15 is too young to hang out with mum, and 9 well he should be on the computer playing games.

You should have friends of your own who you talk to and interests to keep you busy.

If you are not taking tabs might be an idea to get some so you don't feel so down. They do work.

olgaga · 26/12/2011 21:20

You sound utterly, completely depressed, what a shame. Go to your GP and tell him/her what you've said here. It ain't right. It can be fixed.

Original poster
bigbrownmincepies · 26/12/2011 21:26

Every night I go to bed to watch tv just to get away from them all, my son is just so lovely,and he's tried so hard to be good, and has helped me so much but I Can't cope with him being THERE all the time!
I've been on and off meds for years. I just wish they would show some interest in things we offer to do!, son won't even play in his room, cos he won't leave my aide.
He slept out at a mates one night last week and I finally felt able to breath, which makes me feel 100% worse.
I can feel my negativity coming through to them, and I hate myself.

OP posts:
runningwilde · 26/12/2011 21:26

I'm not saying this to be horrible but your I feel a bit sorry for your boy! He obviously wants some attention and he must pick up on these vibes. What about a fun day out bowling, cinema etc?

runningwilde · 26/12/2011 21:28

Don't hate yourself honey, please do speak to your doctor x

CuriousMama · 26/12/2011 21:30

Your son does sound very insecure and rejected poor love. It's good you're honest about our feelings but unless you get help nothing with change. Can't you ask the mate he slept at to come to yours?

Original poster
bigbrownmincepies · 26/12/2011 21:32

Running we went to park today with his new scooter!, and we did cinema the Sunday before Xmas.
I know he needs attention, but the more I give, the more he wants!,
I'm going to suggest oh takes him somewhere wednesday for a bit, as usually in school hols I do it all.
I wake up every day thinking " oh God, not again"
Yes I'm depressed. I know. But I am so fecking miserable I hate it!

OP posts:
CuriousMama · 26/12/2011 21:34

Depression is horrendous, it robs you of yourself. I hope the GP can help?

Willowisp · 26/12/2011 21:44

I can relate to how you feel & take a supplement called 5 htp from Holland & Barrett, it's basically like a shot of serotonin to the brain & makes you feel normal again, with a bright breezy edge Grin.

I have to say I feel sorry for your son & daughter & disagree that neither should want to do things. I think the bowling is a great idea & you could do a morning cinema trip & a trip to pizza hut afterwards...things to get out of the house.

Another tip is to have an early night but have a plan for the next days activity.

Drinking is not the answer.....

Original poster
bigbrownmincepies · 26/12/2011 21:45

He will put me on citalapram,which turns me into a zombie, so I'm reluctant to go see him. I have an appointment on 4th jan to see him to try to get some help to lose weight.
Thanks for your comments. I KNOW what I have to do, it's just don't it!

OP posts:
Original poster
bigbrownmincepies · 26/12/2011 21:45

"doing it"

OP posts:
CuriousMama · 26/12/2011 21:52

I'm just coming of citalopram though they didn't give me any side effects. I take them for panic disorder.

Ginseng is good there's a complex one I'm going to take once drugs are out of my system. I've also heard good things about 5Htp.

How's your diet? I think b vits are mega important for mental health. It's a vicious cycle sometimes though, we feel too tired and miserable to eat properly and so on. Good luck.

stuffedauberginexmasdinner · 26/12/2011 21:52

Where is their dad in all of this? Does he not care about your mental health? If you are in need of regular breaks from ds then why doesn't he give you some when he's not working?

Willowisp · 26/12/2011 21:53

I hated citalapram, it turned me into a zombie too.

Please do try the 5htp, it made me feel normal again, in fact, it made me realise what normal was, because I'd completely lost sight. Doing the things you need to do will happen too.

CuriousMama · 26/12/2011 21:54

Just had a peek at 5htp, it helps curb appetite Xmas Grin bonus!!

Jellykat · 26/12/2011 21:54

Having a 9 yr old constantly by my side would wear my down too, why won't your DS do things by himself like read books/mags, build things, play computer games etc in his room occasionally? it sounds like he needs constant entertaining, did he not play by himself when he was younger, i don't understand..

Have you talked to your OH about this, it sounds like he needs to pull his weight a bit more, and give you a break.. You definitely need some time to yourself every now and then, everyone does, and i think your feelings are completely understandable.

hiddenhome · 26/12/2011 21:55

How long were you taking the citalopram for? They do make you feel like a zombie at first, but that does wear off.

CuriousMama · 26/12/2011 21:57

I'm ordering these, worth a try? Thanks for reminder Willowisp.

Tortington · 26/12/2011 22:03

the trouble with xmas is you are conditioned to think that families should all be happy and do things together.

thats bollocks

be aware that i am cancelling xmas 2012

you can meet me on a beach somewhere

Original poster
bigbrownmincepies · 26/12/2011 22:09

Jellykat, he has never been able to play by himself,for long if at all. He can't seem to do it, and can sometimes be literally climbing the walls, he will put something on tv, then after 5 mins wander off cos he is bored. That's what does my head in, his constant need.
His dad is good, but he works 11 hour days and is just tired when he's off work, and hates cinema, hates bowling etc.....

Custards... Tell me where & when and I'm there!!
This is the first yr EVER I've said I hate Christmas.
I normally hate new year... My birthday new years day, and that's shite too!

OP posts:
Jellykat · 26/12/2011 22:22

I'm wondering if there is somehow a way of turning your DSs needs around, so that it doesn't always have to include someone else, if that makes sense..

Does he engage in solitary tasks at school for long lengths of time? Does he have a short attention span without someone else there to keep him engaged?

A1980 · 26/12/2011 22:46

If we want to go anywhere dd refuses to come, son creates a fuss, hates shopping, we even thought about Going to the coast today but I knew the grief and moaning we would have had, and dd would have refused point blank, son would have said " I'm not going if she's not going" so I told oh I just couldn't face it,

Perfect solution: if the pair of them behave like that, leave the pair of them in the fucking house and go out and do your own thing. 15 is plenty old enough to look after a 9 year old. Do it. Go out shopping, just for an hour or an hour and a half and come back. The next time you suggest something which they refuse to do, they'll know the alternative will be staying in together Grin

Sillyoldelf · 26/12/2011 22:51

custardo can I come too ? Am laid in bed having just cried my eyes out at how Christmas has made me feel this year .

Tortington · 26/12/2011 22:56

more the merrier - lets do xmas on a beach - no kids, lets get drunk

Sillyoldelf · 26/12/2011 23:09

Sounds brill. I am exhausted from Christmas . DH has done bugger all. And he is being particularly insensitive at the mo . Kids are wearing me out and I have a chronic pain illness . He goes back on shift ( lates and nights ) tomorrow so I will be coping the kids, who are permanently at war on my own Sad . Am so fed up.

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