To offer you all my services? (violence-related)

[BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers]

Reading through AIBU, I reckon a fair few MNers have had to put up with some right barstards over christmas. Normally what I do is offer (on the relevant thread) to chin the offending individual, but there are so many so I thought I'd just do it under one thread.

AIBU to offer to chin all of your wanker relatives/friends? I will totally do it for a mince pie and a sherry (like a kind of Vinnie Jones-style Father Christmas)

Just tell me who needs chinning and I'm on it.

Oooh, yes please.

Can we start with fuckwit faithless tosser exP (v recently ex) and then one for my SF?

Vinnie Jones is my ideal man

(No need for chinning as I've got rid of all the wankers in my life thank you)

Oh no. You can't fancy Vinnie Jones. He looks like he breaks rocks with his head. WHich would explain his low IQ.

But he's very very sheckshy. And he has date nights with his missus.

What's the betting the most used letter in this thread will be 'x'.

Yeah, date nights.

Date nights down the Dog and Gun then onto Abrakebabra for a tub of donner meat with extra garlic sauce.

Well jel'.

its not just his missus he has date nights with.............

so I heard.............

Lalalalalalalalala

Want to ruin my Alan Rickman fantasies too?

Abrakebabra is the best word ever.

Mmmmmm donner meat...

A thread with donner meat and Alan Rickman. I have wonderful images in my head right now.

Aye I thought my family were bad but some of the threads here are just taking the piss really! Makes my lot seem really caring and inoffensive!

Bup be a love and chin the MiL for putting curry powder in the meddler chutney she gave us, the WITCH. Finally after 8 years I've managed to free our Christmases from PiL fuckwittage by simply not seeing them but she still manages to fuck with us from a distance via the medium of spice misuse. [frolleyes]

at "fuck with us from a distance."

Will drop the nut on your curry-happy MIL especially for you.

ta me duck

I would ask you to fuck up my ex BUT I suspect he is lying on his own in a drunken stupor right now. Or with others in a drunken stupor, take your pick. Could you postpone your festive headbutt for a week or two? I'll double the fee :)

How about a Hogmanay headbutt for your dipso ex?

That sounds superb! I have a bottle of fancy schmancy lagavulin that was meant for him that I can send you for your trouble!

could you nut my aunt who left a huge bit of chilli in the chutney almost making me swear in front of the kids (hangs head in shame as no sherry but a nice slice of cake and bottle of baileys?)

A bottle of merlot if you give my uncle a good kicking as he 'didn't think he would survive the night' because his COLD (NOT FLU) was so bad. He also walked into the house and announced that he was only staying 3 hours so didn't want to wait too long for his food!!!!

Oh and give my sister a shove as she mistook me for a lowly paid servant!

Bups I will happily provide 'cover' whilst you go in. Unfortunately I have no specific target but I now have enough pent up anger from gritting my teeth at general family ishoos over the C season that vicarious violence is the only way to go.

Will also provide an alib as will stand up well to interrogation just got enough practice in the last 3 days.

Could you rough up FIL who won't start to get ready until everyone, including my DD aged one is in the car? She is strapped in and screaming while he changes his shoes. I thought it was a coincidence but it has happened every time we have gone out. He also kept everyone waiting for the Christmas dinner I cooked.

I do love him really so no broken bones and nothing on the face. I will offer you some biscuits and a glass of single malt.