To offer you all my services? (violence-related)

[BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers]

Reading through AIBU, I reckon a fair few MNers have had to put up with some right barstards over christmas. Normally what I do is offer (on the relevant thread) to chin the offending individual, but there are so many so I thought I'd just do it under one thread.

AIBU to offer to chin all of your wanker relatives/friends? I will totally do it for a mince pie and a sherry (like a kind of Vinnie Jones-style Father Christmas)

Just tell me who needs chinning and I'm on it.

I sometimes regret not taking up a genuine offer to have my insane bastard of a boss "taught a lesson he wouldn't forget". The dignified route got me mixed results and a breakdown. No mince pies or sherry available, Bupcakes/Baubles/Cunting/Vinnie, but may I offer you apple & cranberry strudel with a spicy vodka cocktail to my own inspired recipe?

The very thought's cheered me up That was what I wanted for Christmas!

Could you pop over to France to do my FIL over?? Did not utter one word to me for the whole day, sulked on the sofa cos the coffee was taking too long and doesn't give a shit about his grandsons. No idea why he even bothered coming.

Can't pay the airfare, but will provide a dozen homemade mince pies, some Christmas rum and I'll pick you up from the airport! :)

Do the boss first and mug him. He's loaded. Then you can fly business class to see to Alicious's horrid beau-père.

Perfect!!

I'm in Canada and the FIL goes home in two days. Can the boss fund us too?

Do you need any help BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers ? I am quite happy to give you a hand.

I think I may need a right-hand woman, Gonzo. And a new protective forehead plate.

I'm on all of them.

I can offer you one of these for your forehead protection needs Buppy - Gothson has a full set and has been known to paint himself blue and wear one on the bus

ExP please, and make it slow and painful

Oh my goodness, PomBear,that's brilliant!

Ask an adult to bend the metal place for a perfect fit around your head. ... Failure to make a custom fit may result in the rivets popping off.

We don't want Vinnie's rivets popping off while she nuts my boss, do we

Baubles, you deserve some kind of MN prize. You are a true humanitarian.

I didn't have any of these issues myself, but am willing to contribute a dozen home made mince pies to any collection being taken up to pay for Megatron's MIL getting a lamping.

Perhaps you could be registered as a charity? That way you could get 4 extra mince pies via GiftAid.

I have no one that needs lamping yet either .
But do think this is a very worthwhile cause , so would like to donate a half drunk bottle of Baileys and some left over M&S Tiger Prawn Dim-Sum .
Oh and some soothing cream for your forehead , as I feel you might have to use it an awful lot ...

I have said in the past that we need a kind of mumsnet hit squad, touring the country to dole out tough justice - and Bupcakes is clearly the woman to lead the squad!! I don't have anyone in my life in need of chinning at the moment, and am happy to offer my services to the hit squad - to hold Bups' coat or hold people down whilst she kicks them - and maybe get in a chinning or two of my own - there seem to be a lot of people on mumsnet this christmas whose 'nearest and dearest' are in need of a bit of swift retribution, and I'd hate for Bupcakes to tire herself out, doing it all on her own.

I have a few.......... Im in France as well so maybe after Alicious you could come to me, you can wait until the summer if you like and make it into a holiday

No mince pies but a tin of roses, bottle of Baileys and various bottles of wine

Baubles don't use your forehead. It will cause you pain as well as your target.

Pop over here and I'll teach you a few moves that will disable and maim without causing you any pain whatsoever.

Or, of course, if you'd like a hand...

Offers up MIL and SIL for a good beating, thanks to them all the positivity I'd mustered to get through christmas whilst grieving my baby, brother and grandma was stripped from me and I spent an hour crying in the bathroom and the misery is still lingering.

I have a whole pack of v nice normal mince pies and 6 home made puff pasty ones (they're yummy) and you can have the whole bottle of sherry mil left here.

Ooh Buppy....can you 'do' my current mil? Despite her living 2 1/2 hrs away, accidentally ran into her while visiting aging relatives (her side of the family) just before Crimbo. And the Old Bag completely ignored me...bearing in mind her son has discovered the joys of Online Dating, and she knows about it....interesting that she has found a way to make it My Fault! Yahoo for the Sisterhood!

i will help you as well i am nhs control and restraint trained so can hold them while you lump them

Help with mine Devon please...

i am so there with you parsley my ex husband did that to me so totally feel your pain we will share a bottle of baileys and a pack of mince pies after

Ok Devon....and choccies please, Thorntons if poss...

You can have my choccies Parsley and I raise you a bottle of raspberry gin!

Sending thought daggers to your graceless MIL - rise above it girl!

Thanks Myth...

Offering up my help too Buppers. Nobody I need taking out, but I'm very much looking forward to happy to help.

Nut my sil for being the biggest bi-atch ever. Not only has she maintained a no talking grudge against my dm for several years now, she still refused to come to my parents' Christmas dinner this year despite it being my ds's first Christmas and she still hasn't met him! He's nearly 4 months old now! She's from the US so has no family of her own here, dm always invites her but she is bitchness glorified.

Oh and all the presents from them were signed db and sil apart from the one to dm, which was pointedly just db.

I hate her. Slap her back to the US. Here's a bottle of bubbly for your troubles.