Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish my mum would realise I've changed since I was 15??

40 replies

Chesting · 26/12/2011 10:12

When I was 15, i went through the goth phase. lots of black clothing, Marilyn Manson, questionable "art" and ornaments and of course, lots of "I am dead" style make-up.

I'm not 30 yet my mum and stepdad still go on like I'm still goth! if a witch comes on TV they say stuff like "oh look! Chesting!" or if some flick-haired emo goes past they nod and say "He was chesting's type!" Long, gothic victorian dresses in the fancy dress shop - apparantly I will be buying them. They go on and on and on about me being goth but really, that was 15 years ago!

Anyway, reason for mini-rant is that Christmas morning I upwrap a present from them which is an ornament depicting a gothic vampire type woman (with blue tint 'dead' looking skin!) crouched on a rock with great black wings. It's a calender thing where it has little blocks for the days and month and they're grey with black veins.

Now I hate to be ungrateful but really, I'm 30. My living room consists of lovely green flowered wallpaper, a forest in spring canvas, bright and cheerful cushions and a thick, bright rug. Where the hell and I going to put Angel of death?? Isn't it obvious that someone my age would have grown out of stuff like that??

They also got me a soap on a rope in the shape of a skull and a witch on a broomstick keyring.

They're NOT doing this as a joke btw, they genuinly think I like it. God knows how they don't realise when they come to my house and everything is as bright and cheerful as possible!

I am being unreasonable arnt I? Sad it's just every christmas/birthday etc I end up with all this teenage boy stuff that I end up having to give to my son and then I have to lie when my mum comes around about where the stuff is.

OP posts:
belgo · 26/12/2011 10:14

Actually many teenage goths stay at least partly goth their whole lives. And why not? Black is very flattering.

Original poster
Chesting · 26/12/2011 10:17

But Belgo - what 30 year old has this kind of stuff in their living room? What 30 year old woman showers herself with a skull shaped soap on a rope?

I still love rock music and horror films but I draw the line at making my house into some kind of crypt! See when I was 15 - that WOULD have seemed like a good idea Grin

OP posts:
belgo · 26/12/2011 10:18

I know plenty of goths in their thirties.

send the skull soap to me.

StealthPolarBear · 26/12/2011 10:19

You just need to mention it light heartedly - "not sure where this will go in the house now I'm middle aged and floral" :o
(BTW I am older than you so allowed to exaggerate and call you MA)

theincredibequeenofwands · 26/12/2011 10:36

I'm 30, still part goth.

Love Marylin Manson and Victorian dresses.

Wouldn't like an undead ornament though.

Put it in your bathroom!

fannybaws · 26/12/2011 10:44

PMSL poor you I do sympathise my Mum once bought me the riverdance CD as I did irish dancing for a tiny period in my childhood. I think sometimes people are crap at buying presents so cast about wildly for any link however out of date.
Could you post a pic so I could gasp at them though?? Grin
THere will be a crap pressie thread today if you want to swap them.
Seriously though you could have a tiny word with your mum before next Xmas and explain what you might like, give her some direction as she clearly needs it.

skybluepearl · 26/12/2011 10:45

why not tell them the truth - you gave it to your son. they think you like it so you need to start being honest.

drop big hints 'did you see those lovely kath kidston mugs in tescos' or 'look at my new cushion mum, this shade of blue is my absolute favourite colour'.

When they bring up anything goth (watching TV or what ever) just say 'oo it makes me cringe to think I was goth 15 years ago, boy how my tastes have changed'

skybluepearl · 26/12/2011 10:47

you can be honest and be thankful by the way without mentioning the item. 'it was really kind of you to think of me, son loved it and has attached goth key ring to his key set'

xmasmummytobe · 26/12/2011 10:49

I sympathise, I went through an, everything must be pink and or playboy bunny, phase during my late teens, I still get pink and bunny presents now nearly ten years on.

For me it's because my mum just doesn't know me, it's sad, we have family issues. She sticks to what she does know of me and it feels sad everytime I get one of those type of gifts and I think my mum doesn't really know who I am. Then I think it's really sweet that she remembers how I was and wants to make a connection. YANBU, maybe have some time together and update her with what you do like, make out as if it's new so as not to patronise or upset her.

TeWihara · 26/12/2011 10:50

I think it's time to tell the truth. Or gush profusely about whatever it is you do like in the run up to next birthday?

SilentBoob · 26/12/2011 10:51

I like SPBs suggestion.

SirSugar · 26/12/2011 10:57

could you make a sort of boxed art project with these items Frida Kahlo stylee adding a photo of yourself at the time? Set the date on the vampira to your birthday.

Could be hidoeusly attractive

Kewcumber · 26/12/2011 10:59

whether there are 30 year old goths or not is irrelevant - you are not and they haven't noticed and it is a bit irritating. I'm afraid I agree that you either have to suck it up or be honest with your mum (In say June when the tension around Christmas must surely be non-existant!)

If its any help my brother is 51 and my mum still uses as an example of his fecklessness that he gave up his paper-round when he was 13!

Haziedoll · 26/12/2011 11:01

YABU about the gift, a gift is a gift although it must be annoying for you!

Yanbu about them not accepting that you have grown-up but I think a lot of parents are like this. I am nearly 40, a mother of 2 children and run my own business and yet my mil still thinks I am a teenager even though I am older than she was when I first met her. She was amazed that I knew what a fontanelle was, thinks I need fil to arrange car insurance because it's a terribly complicated business don't you know and thinks that I am drinking wine to "show off" because when they first knew me my tipple of choice was Panda Cola from the ice-cream van, that's because I was 15 mil!

SubordinateClaws · 26/12/2011 12:00

I feel your pain.

Because I'm the youngest of the "kids" in my family (cousins range from 30 to 40, and I'm the 30-year-old), no-one can grasp that I'm a grown adult.

I showed one of my aunts a scarf I'm knitting, and she said "Ohhh, aren't you a clever girl! What a lovely scarf! Well done, dear. Look at what Sub has made, everyone!"

Cringe.

Original poster
Chesting · 26/12/2011 12:18

www.tritex-games.co.uk/store/product.php?id=5137

Here it is. She'll expect it displayed on my mantel piece the next time she comes down - along with the skull with a knife through it that she bought me last year that I mysteriously "lost".

Feel a bit guilty taking the piss and as someone else said, a gift is a gift and I am grateful but I just wish they "knew" me better.

I always talk about the decor I like, it just never seems to sink in.

OP posts:
Missingfriendsandsad · 26/12/2011 12:39

At least you get 15 - I get about 12.. always some silly stuffed animal think. One year after I was 30 I even got a four piece jigsaw puzzle and a wooden spinning top... I sometimes get children's christian books. I am into so much stuff but my parents steadfastly refuse to listen. I still get treated like I am 12 they never ask me to go anywhere without trying to also give me a lift - its like they haven't realised I have lived for 20 years without being run around by my parents including overseas and everything!

HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 26/12/2011 12:42

Have you told them?

Actually said "mum, look, I am not the same person I was when I was 15. I don't like the goth stuff any more, haven't for years. That's not who I am now."

hermionejgranger · 26/12/2011 13:36

We do lists for exactly this reason (well not exactly - I wasn't a goth but YKWIM). The list is written by the intended recipient and recipient's DP is then in charge of the list and the recipient does not get it back. So all gifts are a surprise and are also wanted. There are a range of gifts on said list so that if someone wants to spend £2.50 they can but if someone is mental and wants to spend £00s there are sufficient items for them to do so. There are also indications of which shops vouchers would be welcome for.

I should clarify that this is something that has come into being because people asked what they should buy and it makes it easier. It is not in any way an expectation that someone buy anyone else presents.

petitfiloser · 26/12/2011 13:43

now come on, there's loads of us old goths out here is it so bad?

HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 26/12/2011 13:51

What, for your family to not know that you have changed and aren't into what you were into nearly 15 years ago and keep buying you stuff you don't like based on who you were almost half your lifetime ago without taking the time to look at you now and understand who you are today?

erm, let me think...

YEAH! Grin it is

belgo · 26/12/2011 13:58

and don't be embarrassed about being a goth when you were 15! there are far more embarrassing things then that.

In fact I think your family can feel your embarrassment and are deliberately trying to wind you up by playing on it.

Heleninahandcart · 26/12/2011 14:25

It goes like this

'Mum, I have left all that ...... behind now. I did like it when I was 15, now I'm in my 30/40/50/60s a grown woman I prefer _'

'Oh look! a ...... that is SO you' Hmm

YABU unfortunately

ssd · 26/12/2011 14:36

this thread is giving me a laugh!

but can anyone beat this - my brother and sister call me darling, like I'm about 3, just cos I'm the youngest

and they don't think its patronising either Hmm

ssd · 26/12/2011 14:37

...oh, and I'm 45