Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best man, but not a man?

39 replies

McQueasy · 25/12/2011 19:24

Friend has been asked to b a best man for another friend. Friend is a girl. Not sure how I would feel about that as a bride.
Thoughts???

OP posts:
duvetdayplease · 25/12/2011 19:29

Don't see any issue myself. Was the same at the most recent wedding I was at, she was his best friend. Would be weird to choose a random bloke over a genuine close friend just because of gender I think.

CotherMuckingFunt · 25/12/2011 19:30

My brother had a female best man. His wife had no problem with it. If she was worried about his friendship with another female then I'm fairly sure she wouldn't have been marrying him.

Winkly · 25/12/2011 19:31

Presumably the bride is aware of and ok with their close platonic friendship, and possibly pleased as a 'best woman' is less likely to take him to a manky strip club and shave his eyebrows on the stag do.

TeWiharaMeriKirihimete · 25/12/2011 19:31

My Dsis was best man once - the groom just didn't have a lot of male friends and decided he would rather ask a woman he was good friends with than a man he didn't know very well just because.

My DH is the same but chose not to have a bestman at all than have a girl. I understood that less tbh!

LovingChristmas · 25/12/2011 19:37

I had an excellent friend who should have been a bridesmaid to me TBH, except it was a guy, so I wussed out, I still wish I'd of had him!!

LRDtheFeministDragon · 25/12/2011 20:13

Well, you're not the bride, are you! Or is this some kind of stealth thing?

In DH's religion you get two attendants each, and he had his two best mates who are a man and a woman while I had two women, and it was lovely. A mate of mine also had his sister as his best woman, and again, I think that is a really nice idea.

JustAnother · 25/12/2011 20:14

at our wedding, the best man was a woman. Didn't make any difference to me.

StrandedUnderTheMisltoe · 25/12/2011 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
McQueasy · 25/12/2011 20:19

Not stealth, just genuine question.
We talked about it and it's with the best possible intentions! It's the brides day, just want her to be happy

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 25/12/2011 20:24

It's both of their days, though. The bride and the groom. I can understand if she's more your friend than he is, but it's a bit judgy to question their arrangements IMO. Sorry, but you did ask.

confuddledDOTcom · 25/12/2011 20:24

Why would you have a problem with it?

I genuinely can't get my head around what a potential issue of it could be, and anyone who has a problem with their OH having friends of the opposite sex has no business getting married. My XH was going to have a girl but she was sick the night before.

TwelveGaysOfChristmas · 25/12/2011 20:27

My DP's best friend Harriett will be his Best Man. She'll also be the one organizing the bachelor party! Sex shouldn't play a part in things like this - if you're a bloke with a woman for a best friend then I don't see why anyone would find it odd.

Original poster
McQueasy · 25/12/2011 21:25

So do best women wear bridesmaid type dresses??

OP posts:
skybluepearl · 25/12/2011 21:27

can't see the problem at all, would be nice

Original poster
McQueasy · 25/12/2011 21:28

And I don't have any problem with it! Can trust mn to be honest than sometimes people are comfortable being in rl (iyswim)
Reassured that it won't cause any issues Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
McQueasy · 25/12/2011 21:29

To be *more honest
Sorry Blush

OP posts:
ATruthFestivelyAcknowledged · 25/12/2011 21:33

DP's best man will probably be a woman. He's toying with the idea of a Best Man and a Best Woman but hasn't quite decided yet (and the Best Man really would be to fit tradition rather than because we wanted one) The alternative would be for his best friend to be a bridesmaid, but that seems weirder because she's very much his best friend, not mine iyswim. It doesn't bother me at all. To us it would be stranger to have someone else supporting him at the wedding rather than the person he's been best friends with for around 15 years.

I went to a wedding last year with a Best Woman and she wore a suit, but that was her choice. If we have one she'll be wearing a nice dress (or whatever she feels most comfortable in)

LRDtheFeministDragon · 25/12/2011 21:36

For me adult women in matching dresses is a bit odd, but also I think if she wears a bridesmaid's dress, she'll keep getting auntie so-and-so asking her if she's a bridesmaid, won't she? My mate's sister wore a dress in the same colour as the groom's tie, and that looked nice.

Mumcentreplus · 25/12/2011 21:39

So if your best friend was a bloke and you are the bride he would be 'man' of honor ?...this has nothing to do with having male or female friends imo...

drcrab · 25/12/2011 21:42

I was the 'best woman' for my male friend's wedding. The bride had her own bridesmaids. It was fine from my point of view (and obv the couple) but I think the older people couldn't quite understand our relationship.

I wore a long burgundy dress from coast (no reason other than it was my dress; he didn't tell me what to wear).

TeWiharaMeriKirihimete · 25/12/2011 21:50

When my DSis did it she wore a dress - not the same as the bm ones, I think it was black.

lollilou · 26/12/2011 10:09

My Dh had a Best woman. It didn't bother me at all. This is someone he has been beat friends with since school and she is lovely(also very happily married herself). She wore a purple dress as that was the colour of the wedding waistcoats,ties,flowers ect.

Ephiny · 26/12/2011 10:17

Don't see how it affects you, if it's not your wedding Confused.

I can't see the problem either, what does gender have to do with ability to perform the role? And I guess what she'd wear would depend on the formality/theme of the wedding, and what her preferences are (dress, trouser suit etc).

What kind of 'issues' were you worried it would cause?

ZonkedOut · 26/12/2011 10:18

My "Chief Bridesmaid" was a man, my best friend. DH is good friends with him too now. I don't see what the problem is, as long as the bride doesn't mind.

Zombi · 26/12/2011 10:27

yes YABVU

We had our best female friend as best man. We had no other friend we were close enough to to ask and it was a wonderful day. She did us proud!