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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Best man, but not a man?

39 replies

McQueasy · 25/12/2011 19:24

Friend has been asked to b a best man for another friend. Friend is a girl. Not sure how I would feel about that as a bride.
Thoughts???

OP posts:

olgaga · 26/12/2011 10:32

I suppose it's only a problem if the bride has a problem with it!

Zombi · 26/12/2011 10:36

Tbh olgaga I can think of no reason a bride would take issue it that wouldn't make her seem silly.

BlissfulMistletoe · 26/12/2011 10:37

I don't see a problem.

Binfullofgibletsonthe26th · 26/12/2011 10:43

My bf of 22 years was male. He always said if he got wed I'd be his best man as we'd travelled the world together, been through thick and thin. When i met my husband they became firm close friends and I would have had him give me away at my wedding if i could have.

His bride to be had other ideas, she stomped her foot about it being too unusual and weird and what would everyone think on her big day etc etc. 50% of the people invited were expecting it but that didn't seem to wash.He had 6 close friends who were female. None of us were invited to the stag day (paintballing) but our partners were. In turn weweren't invited to the hen do. The evening before, after someone expressed their upset we were invited to the pub after paintballing to be "stag groupies" I kid ye not.

He backed down on me being best man, and also backed down when she insisted it be a child free wedding - i was the only one with a child to bring who was 5 yo. We had no other family to help babysit so I took the monumental hints and stayed away.

It wasa relief that we had to make a trip on the same day as we were getting ready to leave the country and move abroad.

I sent £100 of vouchers and never even got a thank you. I don't want to come across as bitter and twisted but I felt absolutely discarded after 22 years.

I would have been so proud to have been his best woman.

Zombi · 26/12/2011 10:49

Binfullofgibletsonthe26th that is awful. What a cow!

21YrOldMan · 26/12/2011 11:02

zombi Good that you know the bride's circumstances well enough to call her a cow. I had to lose a very close female friend when I went out with my GF and I can completely understand it because of her past experiences. I explained to close female friend and she understood.

She does seem to have taken things a bit further than is necessary, but that may be because of her baggage.

greenplastictrees · 26/12/2011 11:22

I was 'best man' for my friend. I was thrilled to be asked and it was a really nice day. I thought the brides family might find it weird but no one did. The registrar didn't like me referring to myself as the best 'man' thought and corrected me on it.

Zombi · 26/12/2011 11:32

ewyroldman you didn't ''have'' to lose your friend. You made a choice to dump her because you were pandering to your woman.

Zombi · 26/12/2011 11:34

21yroldman *

Dustinthewind · 26/12/2011 11:38

If people are so jealous and suspicious before marriage, it doesn't fill me with much hope for their future life and happiness together.
Why not just chain and brand your partner, so everyone knows your relationship is built on exclusive ownership of everything about them?
Horrible.

Zombi · 26/12/2011 11:41

I agree with Dust 100%

Original poster

McQueasy · 26/12/2011 11:45

Binfull, Really sorry to hear of your experiences.
Like I said, good to hear that this should go ok. So far when she told her mum she got a from her.
Hope the bride doesn't get any snash.
It's the old aunties grandparents etc passing comment that worries me.
At the end of the day. They are close but not that close.

OP posts:

Zombi · 26/12/2011 11:51

mcqueasy My grandparents and older relatives were a bit confused but they were OK. It gave them something to talk about at the following week's cafe meet-up!

sunshinesue · 26/12/2011 12:22

I'd have no problem at all if my husband had a female best man, he does have a very close female friend who is now very dear to me too but chose his brother instead.

My SIL however went to a wedding where the female best man was a very recent ex of the groom (they had a 3 ish year relationship) who had met and married the bride within a few months. I'm not sure how I'd feel about that but hats off to all involved for being much more mature than I'd probably be!

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