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AIBU?

To hold off breaking up until after Christmas?

40 replies

NoddyHoldersWig · 24/12/2011 10:36

Just posted about this in relationships but I guess it's an AIBU one too.

Basically I want to split up with my boyfriend. He hasn't "done" anything wrong, I'm just not happy in the relationship.

What makes it difficult is that he has NO friends, NO hobbies, NO social life - nothing. His entire world revolves around me and his job (and his job is a minimum wage shop job, nothing he actually feels good doing). Without me his life would be work/sleep/work/TV/sleep/work etc etc . Depressing but I don't really see why I should compromise MY life just because his sucks. I know that sounds harsh and I do care for him but I want my own life to move on. There is no future in our relationship, we don't even see each other on Christmas day ffs. We're both going on seperate holidays next year and he's made it clear our holidays etc always will be seperate as he doesn't want to involve the kids. We've been together 3 years and nothing has progressed in all that time.

And of course, it's Christmas eve.

AIBU to wait until after the festive season and THEN break it off early Jan?? I don't want to wreck his Christmas and as he has no friends etc, me breaking up with him now certainly would wreck his Christmas.

OP posts:

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etJeviensEntretesReindeers · 24/12/2011 11:06

Maybe it suited you for a while to have this level of non commitment, too - but you are allowed to move on. Tell him gently, if you must explain, that you want a relationship that's going somewhere NOW - you can't wait ten years. You're ready to move forwards. And you don't think he is.

So it's best if you go your separate ways.
No one needs to be angry or feel used, perhaps you were happy like this for a while. You've changed now. That's Ok.

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etJeviensEntretesReindeers · 24/12/2011 11:07

You or he only need feel angry if you don't move on - if one of you blames the other or resents the other for holding them back etc. Honesty is the best policy. You know how you feel and what you need to do, so be bold and do it, don't wait for him to give you permission.

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Schnarkle · 24/12/2011 11:07

Is this what you want in 10/ 15/ 20 years for yourself?

There will be no fabulous holiday or life together as the rut will be well established by then and there will always be more excuses.

Sad faces aren't what you would be using in posts if this was a good situation for you, the whole thing sounds like it is bringing you down.

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NoddyHoldersWig · 24/12/2011 11:10

It is bringing me down Schnarkle. When I do go out with my friends I see these good looking blokes, full of life, happy, confident, ready to grab life by the balls so to speak - and then I think of DB sat at home watching darts waiting for me to text him. I does bring me down.

OP posts:

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Lovemygirls · 24/12/2011 11:14

I wouldn't wait I'd get it over with, you deserve more.

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Icelollycraving · 24/12/2011 11:26

Well I'd just withdraw a bit,skype for a few mins on Christmas day & then say you must get on,so busy,you are really missing out. Then tell him soon but don't keep any presents.
I was dumped on boxing day years ago. I was only about 19 & tbf I was kind of sympathy dating him. Oh the irony when he finished it in front of his friends & I cried. I'd actually wiped it from my memory until this thread! :o

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SantasENormaSnob · 24/12/2011 11:47

Dump.

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xmasmummytobe · 24/12/2011 12:23

If you aren't spending Christmas together anyway then I'd wait until you next see him. I wouldn't wait until early January, I don't think it's fair as well intentioned as it is. If you know you don't want to be in a relationship with this man then why put up a pretence for a couple of weeks, there is never a good time to end a relationship.

I'd hate to think that someone stayed with me over Christmas and New Year out of sympathy/convenience/guilt/good intention, which he'll probably work out when you do end things, as a 3 year relationship doesn't tend to just end suddenly. It would put a bigger dampner on this time of year than it would if I'd just been dumped outright. That's my honest opinion but ultimately you know him best.

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LydiaWickham · 24/12/2011 12:33

dump between Christmas and new year, you've got Christmas out of hte way, but you don't have to spend NYE with him and you can start 2012 without this hanging over you.

Good luck!

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pinkyredrose · 24/12/2011 12:44

Replied to your other thread, after seeing more info on this one though I would say def dump him. As you say it sounds like he needs 'someone' whether it's you or someone else.

Honestly I would just tell him, make it quck and to the point, I wouldn't just go cold and cease contact and hope he gets the message, that's confusing for him and also means you don't have a 'cut off' point. It's best that you set him free and look forward to the future, you don't seem look forward to spending any time with this man at all.

Really I would just call him now and tell him it's not working, also it'll give him time to get a refund on any pressies he's bought you.

Seriously though, I wouldn't go through the festive period on false pretences, it's not fair on him and it'll stress you out. Sounds like he'll be on PoF by tonight anyway!

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yellowraincoat · 24/12/2011 12:48

Noddy, if his kids and he don't have a good enough relationship to spend one day together, maybe he could work on that this Christmas. My family does this, we eat together and they watch telly the rest of the day. Why not explain to him that HE needs to sort his own life out, including his relationship with his kids, instead of relying on you?

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Nanny0gg · 24/12/2011 12:52

How did you get together in the first place?

And if he's happy to use dating sites, then he isn't going to wind up alone (initially at least) is he?

Just withdraw.

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OleaAndMarge · 24/12/2011 14:45

Sounds like my ex, he was on match.com the day after we broke up.

Leave him, you're well shot.

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slavetofilofax · 24/12/2011 14:51

You have made your mind up to finish with him, all good.

YANBU to wait until after Christmas. That's what loads of people do. I did when I split with my ex of 7 years who I have 2 children with.

January is a very busy time for divorce solicitors for a reason.

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ImperialBlether · 24/12/2011 20:12

But OP, I remember you posting about him a while ago. Didn't everyone tell you to dump him? Why didn't you? You wouldn't have this problem now if you'd done as we told you!