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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu to think that this is sinister behaviour on behalf of mil?

64 replies

heartofthesun · 24/12/2011 10:14

Namechanged.
I like my mil very much but something weird happened a few days ago I can't get my head around. It's seemingly trivial but strange.
Anyway, mil (is 78 and widowed) stopped overnight with us (dc's with my mum).
Anyway, the three of us went out for a meal. Dh let us back in the house with his keys which I distinctly remember him putting on the stairs. There's a lot of keys on the bunch-and a lot of knick-knack type stuff so you can't really miss them.
Mil decided to visit a friend. While she was out, dh had reason to go to car but we could not find keys anywhere, we both thought mil had taken them to let herself back in (fair enough). We listened to hear the key in the lock when she came back. We both think we heard it, but, when asked, mil said the door was on the catch and when asked if she had seen the keys and to think about whether she had seen them she replied that she had not.
Anyway, yesterday she calls to say that the keys were in her handbag (!)
I can't for the life of me see how a (large) bunch of keys found their way in there. Either she is playing a weird trick or losing it. I fear it's the latter as she is not vindictive. Perhaps I am being unreasonable to think this. I just don't know.

OP posts:

GirlWithALlamaTattoo · 24/12/2011 10:19

I've done this with DP's keys before. You go out, you automatically pick up the keys. Ideally yours, but if the bunch looks about right and you're in a rush, you might not check. You come home and let yourself in with your keys, which were in your bag all along, or the door's open so you just walk in. Not having consciously picked up anyone else's keys, you're sure beyond reasonable doubt that you haven't got the.

Not vindictive, just absent-minded IMO, unless there's more to suggest that MIL's getting unusually forgetful.

Original poster

heartofthesun · 24/12/2011 10:25

GirlWithALlamaTattoo, I see where you're coming from, but would you pick them up from a house that you did not live in? I can see that if I lived in a house I might pick up the keys as second nature, but somebody else's house? We only see her about 5 times a year as she lives 200 miles away.

OP posts:

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 24/12/2011 10:26

If it was a time of day when the shops are open and she was gone that long, I'd be thinking she's had a key cut, but I am a nasty suspicious person. I'd have checked with the friend she was supposed to be visiting to see how long she was there for too did I say I'm nasty and suspicious? but I suspect Llama has the real reason.

Original poster

heartofthesun · 24/12/2011 10:31

Whatever it is, I don't like it. Nasty feeling about it. Perhaps I am being irrational.

OP posts:

troisgarcons · 24/12/2011 10:33

sinister ???

If she'd picked them up knowingly, she would have taken the opportunity to put them back in the fruit bowl/on the side/wherever you keep them.

stuffedauberginexmasdinner · 24/12/2011 10:36

I don't think there's anything sinister about it at all.

FruStefanLindman · 24/12/2011 10:36

I'm with Llama on this one. I suspect she thought that leaving the keys on the stairs wasn't a good idea, she picked them up and absentmindedly put them in her bag and completely forgot they were there.

If you get on well with her, she's not vindictive and she lives too far away to be nipping into your house while you're out, I would definitely say it was force of habit/routine (with her own keys).

squeakytoy · 24/12/2011 10:39

Could one of the kids have put them in her back.

It hardly sounds like "sinister" behaviour...

squeakytoy · 24/12/2011 10:39

back = bag

LoremIpsum · 24/12/2011 10:40

It could be an early sign of dementia, a momentary lapse or a genuine mistake. Sinister would be the furthest thing from my mind.

mummytime · 24/12/2011 10:41

I once ended up with someone elses wallet in my bag, I presume I picked it up by accident at a coffee morning and it did look like mine. The police were fine when I gave it to them (I didn't know the woman, just got to Sainsbury's check out later and found two wallets there). It could have been one of the kids who picked it up by accident, though.

If it can happen to me I am sure it was an accident by your MIL.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 24/12/2011 10:42

She decided to go out; she saw the door keys on the stairs and decided to borrow them so she could let herself back in; she got back and you two were frantic so she wussed out of admitting she'd borrowed them. Thoughtless, yes. Sinister and planning on sneaking back and murdering you in your sleep , no, not so much.

Unless there's a history of general weirdness I'd let it go tbh.

DoMeDon · 24/12/2011 10:48

Fuck me - she's 78! YABVU - sinister!?!? Get a grip.

Original poster

heartofthesun · 24/12/2011 10:55

I don't mean 'sinister' in a negative way, just as in have we got anything to be concerned about? We are positive we heard key in lock yet she says she let herself in on catch

OP posts:

LRDtheFeministDragon · 24/12/2011 11:01

Maybe she felt bad about taking the keys when you asked the question - it might have prompted a defensive response?

But TBH it sounds as if you have a gut feeling something might be wrong - keep a close eye on her, you will do no harm and might catch something early. When my gran got ill the first things that we noticed were equally small and would not have seemed strange to anyone else - but they were signs.

I hope she is ok though.

DoMeDon · 24/12/2011 11:02

There is no positive meaning of sinister. Everyone forgets things, everyone makes mistakes, everyone tells lies. Yes EVERYONE.

Original poster

heartofthesun · 24/12/2011 11:07

We heard a key in the lock, and less than a minute later she says she let herself in via the catch and that she did not have the keys. We weren't aggressive at all-just asked very matter of factly as in 'by the way, mum, did you take keys to let yourself back in? No problems if you did'.

OP posts:

DoMeDon · 24/12/2011 11:14

Let. It. Go. I genuinley don't get why this is bothering you so much. Slow day?

difficulttimes · 24/12/2011 11:18

Probably just a senior moment, I do things like that and I'm in my 20's.

imaginethat · 24/12/2011 11:20

I think old people tell lies. My mum lies all the time about things that don't matter. Maybe my mum is your mil?

BalloonSlayer · 24/12/2011 11:23

she might have picked them up because, as someone else said, 'that's what you do', and let herself in with them because, again, 'that's what you do,' but not connected this with actually having his keys. Maybe her age is making her start to do odd things like that, do you think she may be beginning to suffer from dementia?

she may be an interfering biddy and she took the keys on purpose so that she could get another set cut and sneak into your house when you are not there

If you are worried about the latter then you could get your locks changed. It costs a bit though, so you'd need to be quite worried.

lambethlil · 24/12/2011 11:32

Definitely a senior moment!

Don't stress out about it, enjoy Christmas

LoremIpsum · 24/12/2011 11:33

Is that supposed to be funny, imaginethat? Old people tell lies?

thepeoplesprincess · 24/12/2011 11:39

I think sinister is the wrong word to use, but I think you're right to be a bit concerned. Hopefully, it might just have been a bit of a brainfart, but keep an eye on her if she keeps doing stupid stuff and take her to the GP if necessary.

AllGoodNamesGone · 24/12/2011 11:41

I wouldn't worry about it. I am sure she just picked them up to let herself out and then, absent mindedly, threw them in her bag and forgot about them. If she was being sinister, she'd have either put the keys back where you left them or hidden them somewhere for you to find later and really confuse you!

My parents are always doing this, especially my Dad with the spare back door key which he uses to let himself in and out of the garden when he is here. He just sticks it in his pocket and forgets about it. We have to frisk him when he leaves!

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