To be pissed off with DH

[Thefoxsbrush]

Who has just announced he's going out on the drink tomorrow afternoon/evening leaving me and 3dc's (aged 5,2 and 1) at home!!! I had visions of a nice family lunch followed by Xmas movies ect.... Hmmmmmm!!!

What did he do LAST Xmas Eve?

What time will the children be in bed asleep?
Do you want a night in together?

I must admit I've not been out on Christmas Eve for fourteen years, I used to love it.

Me too

Last Christmas eve he stayed in, we did have a 2 day old newborn then though.

Personally, there are only 2 scenarios acceptable here

He goes out for a quick couple of pints in the afternoon but is back for teatime and stays with the family all evening

or he nips out for a couple around 9pm when they are tucked up asleep but comes home at last orders

only you know if he could restrain himself to either of those

if he can...there is nothing wrong with that

But I am grown up now. I am off to my dsis's tomorrow. There WILL be wine - but the evening will be about the dcs....

Reading all these threads, it makes me even more glad I'm single. It means Christmas is exactly as I wish it to be for DS without any stress whatsoever.

YANBU OP, but YABU for putting up with a selfish bloke.

If he can go out that means you can't - so he should ask to make sure it is ok/you don't have plans/kids are cared for not simply tell you. Then you should tell him he's not single anymore and Christmas eve is important family time.

I'd be pissed off with the late changes to what is assumed to be a normal Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve is part of the main event here.. the conjuring of magic once the kids are in bed (as in Santa, not david copperfieldesque sex), watching a movie together, generally enjoying Christmas.

As that's the done thing in our house, if DH (or myself) announced we were off out, to get drunk, then I (or he) would be pissed off. So Foxsbrush YANBU. If that's the case.

If its the case that actually there is no agreed 'eve' family tradition, because neither of you have ever discussed/planned it, then YABU to assume it would just happen all by itself.

Even though my DH and I fortunately want the same sort of Christmas, we always always talk it through, because he's shit at days of the week (he only just realised today is Christmas Eve EVE, not Christmas Eve, and has gone out for a drink with his mates rather than turn them down lol) and I'm shoite at having things sprung on me.

Christmas eve for us is less about the kids (apart from trying to settle them, telling them stories ad infinitum and general christmassey exciutement) and more about DH and I creating a magical Christmas, and for that you don't need to be stone cold sober (perish the thought) but you do need to be present at least, and not rolling drunk. So for that, and that alone YANBU.

Whenever I read threads like this I always think the most important thing is overlooked by the OP

He should want to spend that time with his family. He should not want to spend that time with anyone else on xmas eve.

Anything else is peripheral

Christmas Eve isn't particularly special for many people though, ThatsNotSantasBabyBelly and some people might have a tradition of spending it as a famiily just as some people might have a tradition of one going out for the evening. I think that OP's husband shouldn't have changed plans this late (today) because the expectation probably was that they would spend the evening together.

i don't know... I think Christmas can be very stressful for many.

Yep, and when one person in a so-called partnership gets to relieve that "stress" by opting out of the family stuff, there is something wrong

because it means the other partner is carrying their own share, plus the other persons share, of the load all by themselves

making excuses and trying to rationalise that tells me one thing

his needs and wants are more important than yours and your dc's

I wouldn't want to be married and have children with a man like that

We've had a chat and he didn't realise it would be a problem him going out. He's happy to tell his friends he won't be there tomorrow but will be next time so it ended well!

that's good

I am glad you didn't fall into the trap of trying to be a "cool wife" who doesn't nag and stated your expectations clearly

Brilliant!

Cool, well done OP. Family is about compromise, and he did. Well done him as well.