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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to march off with ds1's present and donate it to charity

75 replies

mercibucket · 23/12/2011 18:17

Omg am just so upset about my nasty grabby materialistic ds1 aged 9. Have just put their xmas presents under the tree and his big lego set rattles and is a bit obviously lego. He wanted lego up until last week when he started dropping hints about flipping ipads. Made it quite clear this was not on the cards. Now he's stropping and giving me a hard time about his flipping present and I just think, what a spoilt selfish brat. If you don't all tell me iabu, I'm quite tempted to just give it away and give him something of less value. Saved for ages for this. So upset. Aaargh why are kids so bloody selfish (do actually love him btw but now think I've raised a spolt brat)

OP posts:
MJinSparklyStockings · 23/12/2011 18:44

a 2 year old with an ipad Xmas Shock

sitandnatter · 23/12/2011 18:47

I remember being that age and hugely disappointed in getting another doll. I didn't say anything but I was gutted. Not sure if it is better to do lists so that's avoided or not. My parents literally scraped the money together for presents and I was hugely excited at getting a second hand television so not a spoiled brat, just didn't want or need a another firgging doll.

I knew better than to say anything but "Gee thanks Mum and Dad" though, or similar. I think I'd rather know what they want within reason prior to Christmas, actually I'd love to know what my son wants but as he can't even make his own mind up, I'm stuffed.

chipmunksex · 23/12/2011 18:48

My normally lovely nine year old is being pretty horrible at the moment too, you do have my sympathy. Wine

I feel totally justified for banning dh from putting pressies under the tree too. Sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Bonkerz · 23/12/2011 18:52

This is why I didn't let the kids write a Xmas list this year. I told them all (11,10,6) that Santa had been watching them and would get what they like not what they want and most of their stuff this year is second hand anyway. I did this as I noticed them getting rude and spoilt last year!

Surprisingly NONe of them have questioned it or asked for anything!

KeepInMindItsAlmostChristmas · 23/12/2011 18:52

YANBU at all, I am sure there are loads of children out there who would love this gift

Original poster
mercibucket · 23/12/2011 18:58

Lol chipmunksex, at least you can hold us up as an example of the folly of lists and presents under the tree to early! Bonkerz - think that might be us next year

OP posts:
Original poster
mercibucket · 23/12/2011 18:58

Lol chipmunksex, at least you can hold us up as an example of the folly of lists and presents under the tree to early! Bonkerz - think that might be us next year

OP posts:
ballstoit · 23/12/2011 19:00

YABU to not have a conversation with him about this. He probably doesn't have a clue what he is asking for and how much they cost, he's just repeating what other children have said at school.

DS (6) announced last week that he'd like an IPod Touch for Xmas...when we talked about it, he meant that he'd like something to listen to music on and one of his friends at school had said an IPod does this. As I'd already bought and wrapped all the presents I suggested that he might start to do jobs after Christmas and start saving for it.

At 9 he is needs to start understanding finances and how they work. If he doesn't understand what things cost and that your family budget stretches only so far, then you'll have to teach him. Storming off with the arse and giving his presents away won't teach him anything except resentment.

WhereMyMilk · 23/12/2011 19:15

We do put most presents under the tree, as the DC can then thank the people they came from. DC's don't do lists, but can think of one thing they would really like.
Santa-brings a couple of small things, a satsuma and a bag of choc coins.
DD had nothing she would like...she's 7. Not materialistic at all. Eventually came up with reading books, bless her :)
DS came up with one thing only also.
DS 2 has no idea as too young.
I think by 9 they are old enough to understand that about financial implications of just buying stuff. And also the real meaning of Christmas, which to me symbolises hope, generosity and love, and the joy of us being able to spend time together as a family.
Happy Christmas all. :)

Original poster
mercibucket · 23/12/2011 19:16

D'you know, I wouldn't be half so bloody pissed off if we hadn't already v clearly had exactly that conversation,ballstoit. Well, first off I'd said 'no' to ipad, then we'd talked about why he wanted it, how much it was and how he'd have to start saving up after xmas for a cheaper tablet or smartphone within his budget if he sold some of his other stuff to pay for it. Am feeling slightly calmer - but no chance I'm talking it over tonight, got to calm down first! It's the attitude more than anything - I despise that kind of materialistic grabbyness and am mortified ds is behaving this way. he has stopped stropping though and dh says he is sorry, but only cos he thinks I'm on ebay selling it (we have not actually threatened to do this!)
Next year I am going to make much mnore effort to get him involved in campaigns to raise money for the homeless, children less fortunate etc. I try to do my bit but usually don't make the kids come eg tin rattling in a santa hat at asda. Next year he can blooming well do his bit

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 23/12/2011 19:19

Christmas is about getting what you want not what your parents want you to have. Mine made lists from the age of 6/7 I told them how much they had i.e 250 that I wanted to buy surprises with and they picked stuff to the value of what was left and they always got it.

sitandnatter · 23/12/2011 19:24

Jeez get your metal jacket on Fabby, I do lists as my son hates surprises, Christmas is a nightmare for us, always has been. He can't even make his own mind up as to what he wants this year so I have no chance.

quirrelquarrel · 23/12/2011 19:24

I think it's sad when kids know what things cost and that they can count on certain things being there under the tree.

I don't think Christmas is about getting what you want at all...even without the religious bits, it's still about something other than presents and getting stuff, surely!

dmo · 23/12/2011 19:27

Go to the chemist tomorrow and buy a eye pad Grin that will teach him

Original poster
mercibucket · 23/12/2011 19:33

Sitandnatter - that sounds v stressful! Christmas is a bit overly full of surprises.
I wouldn't know where to start without some kind of list but it's just the letter to santa plus the odd chat. The ipad thing had to be shot straight out of the water though - they're a bloomin fortune

OP posts:
festi · 23/12/2011 19:34

that is not what christmas is about in my house fabby dd 5 wants a wii has done since 2 years old but she isnt getting one as she is too young and im holding out as long as I can with games consoles she has a ds thats more than enough at her age. so no, christmas is not about getting what you want.

Original poster
mercibucket · 23/12/2011 19:34

Rofl dmo!

OP posts:
Original poster
mercibucket · 23/12/2011 19:34

Rofl dmo!

OP posts:
sitandnatter · 23/12/2011 19:35

Hehehehehe @ DMO

My son has to know what he is getting quirrel the stress of Christmas is absolute torture for him. He fears not liking his presents, therefore he will be a selfish child and hate himself, leads to self harming.

He fears having no presents and no one will like him and that hurts so leads to self harming.

This year he doesn't even know what he wants himself, he's dreading Christmas day with no presents but can't buy him anything because if he hates the presents, well see above.

He is dreading not being at home even for a few hours as it is out of routine.

We can't judge what others do, because we don't know that their children are feeling or how to make them appreciate Christmas. My child's autism makes Christmas a freaking nightmare, it might not be about what is underneath the tree but different courses for different horses and all that.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/12/2011 19:36

I think I would put the lego away, OP, and just not give it to him for Christmas. He will notice - and he should be told why. It might make him think a little in future.

To put the lego under the tree for Christmas Day isn't teaching him anything, I don't think.

Don't get upset though, he's a child and all children can get over-excited and grabby at Christmas because for them, it really is mostly about the gifts. The rest comes with maturity.

Hope you have a lovely Christmas anyway.

festi · 23/12/2011 19:36

ment to say op YWBU to take his gift to charity, you would regeret that, But YANBU to consider it and feel disapointed with your ds and his attitude.

I would not put gifts under tree untill xmas day though.

sitandnatter · 23/12/2011 19:36

merci it is stressful, he has been wanting to go back to school for the routine since day two of the holiday. It's a living hell for him.

Original poster
mercibucket · 23/12/2011 19:38

:-( sitandnatter

OP posts:
MmeReindor · 23/12/2011 19:43

Gosh, you lot are tough.

Ok, take the present away, but I cannot believe you would really not give a 9 yo his present on Xmas Day.

The kids are all up to high doh, they are excited.

So he was rude. It won't be the last time. You have had your words with him, he has apologised. Let it go.

sitandnatter · 23/12/2011 19:43

It's like this for many Mum's and Dad's for that matter with autistic children. Not all but it's not uncommon. Merci

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