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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think DCs Dad could have done something with them? - so gutted for DCs

62 replies

PostBellumBugsy · 22/12/2011 17:14

I don't even think I'm even the tiniest bit unreasonable - but need to rant. I shouldn't be, but I am - really, really disappointed for the DCs.

For the first time in years, they were really looking forward to spending 5 days with their Dad, as it was just going to be with him as their Step Mum & half DCs were away. ex-H lives in central London and so there were stacks of things they were excited about doing, particularly going to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park - which he had been promising them as a treat, since September!

So, the 5 days is up and what have they done? They have helped him clean the house all day today in preparation for SM's arrival home tomorrow. They have been to a funeral of a distant family member. He took DD shopping to buy her one Christmas present but he decided to give DS money. They have watched hours & hours & hours of TV. They haven't even been to the nearby park for a run around in the lovely sunshine today or any other day for that matter.

That's it!

ex-H is an endless disappointment, so I'm not hugely surprised but I feel so sad for the DCs. They are treated like 2nd class children by him all the time & I feel hurt for them.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 23/12/2011 21:54

YANBU he sounds like a total knobber, poor dcs Sad, playing with their feelings and building them up, then letting them down like that.

KeepInMindItsAlmostChristmas · 23/12/2011 21:58

Useless excuse for a father

DoMeDon · 23/12/2011 22:02

You sound resigned to it but I don;t think you are. I think you still hope he will change. Pity him - he is missing out. Your DC have the father they have, only a time machine can change that. They will come to distnace themselves from him and he will miss out on the relationship he could have. Just reassure them it is a fault in him, not them. Do not lie/cover for him, but don't slag him off either. My heart goes out to you as it is so hurtful to see the other parent of your precious DC not act like the parent they deserve.

pigletmania · 23/12/2011 22:02

My dad died when I was 11 from cancer, when I was at school I was not allowed on a school trip to York because I has SN, now it would be developmental delays, dyslexia. I was deemed to be too hard work Sad. My dad was so Angry that he drove me all the way from our home in London to York himself (he was just dx with terminal cancer), it took ages as he needed to rest but we got there. He showed me a great time (taking me to all the attractions and we stayed with my half brother who lives there, and I will never forget it. I had him for a short while but he was a great dad. I feel Sad for your dcs op.

anonacfr · 23/12/2011 23:08

piglet you made me cry. You must miss your dad so much.

pigletmania · 23/12/2011 23:26

I do anonacfr especially at Christmas, he used to make Christmas really special for me, my mum was never really a Christmas person, but he used to get into the true spirit. I had tears in my eyes when I was writing, and I always say thanks to dad for being a great dad, and hope that he can hear wherever he is now. kids never forget, I never did and i am now 34 years old, he died about 23 years ago.

skybluepearl · 23/12/2011 23:40

ah piglet , he sounds like a lovely dad

anonacfr · 23/12/2011 23:41

I'm sure he can.

Christmas can be such a bittersweet time.

pigletmania · 24/12/2011 08:43

I know, I was young and did not really understand what was going on, and did not have time to say all the things i would have liked to have said. Years later as an adult, my gran died of Cancer I did manage to say a proper goodbye and said all the things that I wanted to say to her.

crashdoll · 24/12/2011 09:43

I feel sorry for your kids, I really do. At their age particularly, it must hurt so much. My dad was like this, full of empty promises and lies. Our relationship now is still very poor and time spent with him is strained. I do it out of duty and am always itching to get away from him.

Your ex has time to build a good relationship with them before they grow up and become uninterested. Even if not this visit, it would be a good idea to phone him to give him a bollocking have a chat with him and let him know what he is missing out on.

JosieZ · 24/12/2011 09:53

don't think there is anything you can do - he is a selfish git. But ime many men are. Happy to do what interests them but not put themselves out for anyone else. Perhaps when they are older he can take them to RAF museum or something that interests him (what my OH would do).

The DCs will be able to choose for themselves soon how long they spend with him inyears to come.

2rebecca · 24/12/2011 09:55

He sounds mean but I wonder if the problem is that he's not used to telling kids what to do if they are in the middle of doing something else. I can imagine kids in middle of watching something on TV and him thinking "they are enjoying this we'll do it later". I surprised they didn't pester him daily about stuff and discuss with him what they wanted to do.
I think going to the funeral and tidying house up are both fine though. I wouldn't want to come home to a messy house if I'd been away for a few days. Kids need to do boring stuff with nonresident parents just like they would with a resident one. This does sound like too much boring stuff though and age 10 and 12 I think the kids should have told him this. Different if he hadn't promised stuff.

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