Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit annoyed at what single friends are putting on fb

43 replies

charity2 · 22/12/2011 15:57

A couple of my close long term friends have divorced in the last 12 months. Both of them have had unhappy marriages for some time now, mainly due to falling out of love and being sick of feeling like they are taken for granted etc. I think once one of them took the plunge and raved on about how great it was it kind of gave the other one the confidence to do the same. They now enjoy regular nights out when the kids are at their fathers at the weekend. I think its great that they have each other to socialise with and they both seem very happy now.

But, what is getting on my nerves a bit is the kind of messages they are putting on fb about how they are looking forward to a great fabulous xmas with no dh to cook for, enjoy the bed to themeselves, feel sorry for all those married couples arguing etc over xmas. Well, not everyone's marriage is like theirs. I wouldnt dream of putting on fb that I feel sorry for all those single people with no one to wake up next to on xmas morning, no one to share the opening of presents with and a few brandies on xmas eve once the kids are in bed. It wouldnt really be acceptable. (For the record, I dont actually feel sorry for anyone, but you get what I'm saying).

OP posts:
CupOfGoodCheer · 22/12/2011 15:59

YABU

If you don't like it, "hide" their status updates. They are absolutely entitled to be looking forward to celebrating Christmas any which way they like.

Its not really affecting you or your life, is it?

5inthebed · 22/12/2011 16:00

Maybe they are putting it on because they are thinking the exact opposite?

NinkyNonker · 22/12/2011 16:01

If they had shitty marriages they prob do feel relieved, and their statuses will be more about reassuring themselves and showing the world that everything is ok, they are strong and happy etc.

Original poster
charity2 · 22/12/2011 16:01

Cup, yes i could hide their statuses, I realise that. And I know they are entitled to be looking forward to xmas, but why feel sorry for married couples? It wouldnt be acceptable for me to put on fb that I feel sorry for divorcees being alone at xmas now would it?

OP posts:
festi · 22/12/2011 16:02

are you actually jelouse??

usualsuspect · 22/12/2011 16:03

Its their fb they can write what they like

lubeybaublely · 22/12/2011 16:04

From someone that's been single a long time I can tell you they are just counting their blessings and possibly making a point to family/friends who keep asking if they have a boyfriend yet.

I haven't put anything like this on my fb but regularly count my blessings the same way in my head.

After years of drudgery in a bad relationship it's still a joy to have xmas all my way, etc

I would love a good relationship with the right person, but they are few and far between so could be a long time single and I have to keep repeating the good stuff to myself so I don't feel crap and lonely.

Original poster
charity2 · 22/12/2011 16:04

festi, no, I'm not, and I'm not going to justify to you why I'm not jealous because I have no need to convince anyone.

OP posts:
lubeybaublely · 22/12/2011 16:05

OP they clearly don't mean ALL married couples. Just ones in shit marriages like theirs was (and mine)

CupOfGoodCheer · 22/12/2011 16:05

oh its just something silly that people say on fb. Unfortunately these status updates enable some total shite to be spouted on an almost hourly basis to a not-so-thrilled audience. Tbh I've seen a lot more inane/worse than this.

Yes, they probably protest too much. They are possibly trying to convince themselves that they really ARE looking forward to Xmas alone.

Let them have their fun.

Original poster
charity2 · 22/12/2011 16:05

Usual, I know its their fb and they can write what they want, but is it acceptable if its the other way round as I mentioned above?

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 22/12/2011 16:06

Are they actually saying they feel sorry for married couples? Or is that how you are interpreting it

Fwiw i read relationships section ( especially lately) and thank my lucky stars!

usualsuspect · 22/12/2011 16:07

You can write what you like Grin anything goes on fb

If someones statuses piss me off I hide them

slavetofilofax · 22/12/2011 16:09

Then saying they are looking forward to a single Christmas is fine imo. But saying they feel sorry for people who are perfectly happy and have no need for their ill directed sympathy is just rude and patronising.

I would probably reply withsome sick inducing passive agressive smug married status just to annoy them right back. But I'm a bitch like that.

NinkyNonker · 22/12/2011 16:09

Just cause it pisses you off doesn't make it unacceptable. I don't know why you're getting your knickers in a twist to be honest, if I knew a friend had had an unhappy marriage and subsequently broke free and posted something like that I'd be thrilled for them and and be thinking 'fair play'. I wouldn't be assuming it was some reflection on me and my relationship, nor all marriages come to that.

You sound a little scathing if them, mention of one egging the other on etc.

Better no relationship than a shitty one, be happy for them.

xmasmummytobe · 22/12/2011 16:10

It's fb they can put what they like, if you don't want to read it hide their status's and posts.

porcamiseria · 22/12/2011 16:11

Oh FFS let them be. jesus! be NICE!!!!!

festi · 22/12/2011 16:11

people feel overtly sorry for me all the time as a single person I just quietly scoff to my self, I find it both patronisisng and condesending but never truely take offence.

I would not it take it so personaly as you have, that is what suggests to me you are jelouse, of their new found friendship that may affect how the dynamics have previously played out, or a longing to have the seemingly found freedom they have. Nothing wrong with bthis if it is true, you seem unduley uptight about the whole situation.

CuriousMama · 22/12/2011 16:11

It's no worse than the smug married status updates, 'oh dh is soooooo wonderful' 'dh has got me sooooo many presents' etc.. And all the other bragging ones.

They may even be protesting too much and would really like someone to shag snuggle up to? But the right someone not their ex's of course. I take it their dcs aren't on their fb pages? Hope not.

Original poster
charity2 · 22/12/2011 16:12

Slave, thats exactly how I feel, I am happy that they are happy to be single, but feel quite annoyed that they think all other marriages are the same. It is patronising and I feel the urge to respond but although I am happy I'm not smug and its not my style.

OP posts:
waterrat · 22/12/2011 16:15

get a grip woman. they are entitled to celebrate whatever is making life bearable for them. maybe they are crying into their pillows at night? maybe they get through the day by being positive? maybe their happiness is not meant to be an attack on other people, but is simply about themselves?!

you sound very defensive for someone so happy

Dillydaydreaming · 22/12/2011 16:15

They can put what they like - but what about a nice status update of your own along the lines of "looking forward to cosying up to wonderful DH and enjoying watching some pressies being opened by the children on Xmas Day"?

They are just venting and reassuring themselves.

I could write something similar as I am separated but having been single for a few years now the novelty has worn off lol

Sapphirefling · 22/12/2011 16:16

Your thinly veiled contempt of the feckless single mothers who egged each other on to leave their marriages so they could go on the pull every weekend is funny OP. These are your 'close' friend yes? Blimey. I'd hate to see what your attitude is to less close friends.

YABU. And a bit strange - not really sure what the issue is. Lots of my friends have remained in crap marriages. Lots of them have happy marriages. If they were bothered about what 'I' (single, feckless, beer swilling, every other weekend on the pull mother) thought about the state of their nuptuals, it would say more about them than me Xmas Grin

ConOfScience · 22/12/2011 16:18

I have a feeling that in some cases these people may be 'protesting too much'

outwardly saying (and somewhat trying to prove) that things are brilliant etc, but inwardly they don't feel as good...

I don't get the status updates about how well people are feeling, how great lives are etc etc...to me, it's more trying to prove a point rather than truly feeling that way.

Me - I wouldn't be arsed about what they are saying, but if you feel the need to comment just a casual 'you've obviously not met the right person yet' or something along those lines.

Then again, as I do not know the women concerned I am probably wrong, my opinion is just what I've experienced.

Original poster
charity2 · 22/12/2011 16:19

Festi, you really are wrong. These friends are not the only close friends I have. There are a group of 6 of us that have stayed loyal for about 20 years now. The other 4 of us are all happily married (as far as I know). I really wouldnt want what they have at all.

OP posts: