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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit annoyed at what single friends are putting on fb

43 replies

charity2 · 22/12/2011 15:57

A couple of my close long term friends have divorced in the last 12 months. Both of them have had unhappy marriages for some time now, mainly due to falling out of love and being sick of feeling like they are taken for granted etc. I think once one of them took the plunge and raved on about how great it was it kind of gave the other one the confidence to do the same. They now enjoy regular nights out when the kids are at their fathers at the weekend. I think its great that they have each other to socialise with and they both seem very happy now.

But, what is getting on my nerves a bit is the kind of messages they are putting on fb about how they are looking forward to a great fabulous xmas with no dh to cook for, enjoy the bed to themeselves, feel sorry for all those married couples arguing etc over xmas. Well, not everyone's marriage is like theirs. I wouldnt dream of putting on fb that I feel sorry for all those single people with no one to wake up next to on xmas morning, no one to share the opening of presents with and a few brandies on xmas eve once the kids are in bed. It wouldnt really be acceptable. (For the record, I dont actually feel sorry for anyone, but you get what I'm saying).

OP posts:

slavetofilofax · 22/12/2011 16:19

Ninky, it's unnacceptable because it assumes that every married person is going to have arguements over Christmas and implies that these people are stupid for being married.

I don't particularly like the implication that my life is somehow worse than someone elses just because I'm married. It would upset me to think that someone I considered a friend thought badly of my life just because I chose to share it with a lovely man. If someone directly told me to my face they felt sorry for me because I'm married, it would be perfectly normal for me to think they were rude and then tell them so. It's the same with fb, if you can't post things with consideration for the feelings of the people that will be reading it, then you are really not mature enough to be in charge of a status update button.

The fact that I would be offended to read that does mean I was overthinking it, but then you could say that about just about everything that someone somewhere finds offensive.

Clarajinglebumps · 22/12/2011 16:20

In general peoples status updates annoy me..I tend to just hide them.

"my hubby wubby is the bestest he's just made dinner and it was better that gordon ramsays. and he's so gorgeous. mwah mwah"

normally followed by
"My wife is the most gorgeous woman in the world and deserves so much more than me. Love you baby"

they are normally always in the same house at the time..PUKE!!

or
"OMG Georgio has just turned one and is already writing his name, what a clever boy"
yawn!

Just hide them they're probably trying to compensate for something..most of these posts are..

Original poster

charity2 · 22/12/2011 16:22

Sapphire, wow, have I hit a nerve here for you. I never said that my friends were on the pull at all. You have no idea where they go to socialise, for all you know they could be having a lovely meal out and a few glasses of wine. You are making assumptions here. And I didnt say they egged each other on either. Neither of them did this lightly, but I dont think going into details of their situation is relevant here.

OP posts:

ConOfScience · 22/12/2011 16:24

Actually this comment from your OP I think once one of them took the plunge and raved on about how great it was it kind of gave the other one the confidence to do the same made me think about the egging on thing to be fair...

Original poster

charity2 · 22/12/2011 16:26

Con, well I could go into fine detail about the conversations they had, about the chats and meets they had, about the fact that friend 2 saw that friend 1's life didnt fall apart after divorce but I put it in a nutshell. Yes, maybe it could have been worded better but Sapphires comments make her sound like a childish teenager (which, of course, she could possibly be)

OP posts:

SmegmaNotJustForChristmas · 22/12/2011 16:29

They are probably putting on a brave face when their lives are falling apart and have loads of smug happily married friends wanting them to be depressed.

Or they really are shagging themselves silly and shouldn't be so boastful about it..it's unkind to us married folks

LunaticFringe · 22/12/2011 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SmegmaNotJustForChristmas · 22/12/2011 16:30

If they really are as happy as they say they are it means they have probably been very unhappy for a very long time... let them enjoy this time

NinkyNonker · 22/12/2011 16:33

Well that wasn't how I read the comments given as examples...I read them as pitying those in crap marriages who would be arguing, not that every married couple would be.

But still, have a little heart. They have come out of crap marriages, and that so far may be their only experience of marriage. They are trying to bolster themselves a little as many look at older, divorced, single people and pity them or assume they are sad.

Smile and nod.

Kewcumber · 22/12/2011 16:34

you are overthinking this and don't appear to have much empathy for their situation. They aren't personally attacking your marriage.

You are happy with your lot, can't you can rise above their FB statuses?

Ifancyashandy · 22/12/2011 16:40

The assumption that single people are 'protesting too much' if they say how happy they are to be single really gets my goat. Maybe they ARE happy.

Rhubarbgarden · 22/12/2011 16:44

This sort of thing is a bit irritating but I'd just ignore it. There are better things to get wound up about.

Original poster

charity2 · 22/12/2011 16:44

Shandy, I havent suggested that they arent happy as single people. I hope they are as happy as they make out, I really do. But, why should they feel sorry for other married couples, not everyone has an unhappy marriage like they had. Its patronising. But, as someone mentioned earlier, I accept that there are equally nausious posts about couples being happily married (not from me I might add, cant stand boasting on fb) but boasting about how happy you are is one thing, actually commenting that you feel sorry for people who have the opposite situation to yourself is another.

OP posts:

MrsOzz · 22/12/2011 16:49

They probably are jealous of all this in happy marriage who will be enjoying christmas as a family.

However, it's normally the most unhappy/insecure people who need to shout their 'happiness' from the roof-tops. Behind closed doors and when the parties are over and the kids are away they may just feel lonely.

Or they could be genuinely happy now they have their freedom back.

Remember they are probably friends on FB with thei exes friends too and feel the need to say 'I'm happier that my ex!'

At least they are happy statuses. Half my news feed is people complaining how depressed they are... But that's a whole other thread!

Kewcumber · 22/12/2011 16:55

Can i just point out that you said "feel sorry for all those married couples arguing etc over xmas" - ie they feel sorry for married couples who are arguing not that they feel sorry for married couples. They have covered the good bits of being single (getting to hog the bed and not having to cook for someone who is ungrateful). As I said - I really think you are overthinking this.

FizzyChristmasFairyDust · 22/12/2011 17:02

I had a relationship end just before xmas in the early days of facebook. The following xmas I posted a link to The Pogues, Fairytale of New York and that did the trick nicely, no further comment was needed - people knew what I meant :)

Xmasbaby11 · 22/12/2011 17:25

I think what they say may come across as being annoying and patronising, but if they are your friends, just accept that they have come through a very difficult period and are finally (hopefully) happy.

I would consider the opposite situation to be the same, ie someone who has been unhappily single for a long time has finally found love and is too blissed out to realise she is going on about it, which can be irritating for other single people.

Driftwood999 · 22/12/2011 17:50

OP, I get your point, and imho yanbu. FB serves the ego, half of what people post is shite to feel better about themselves and to justify their life choices. Personally, I wouldn't crow about anything in public and that is why fb is not for me. Looks like such hard work

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