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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be rather panicked at sudden and total change to christmas plans?

30 replies

HettyAmaretti · 22/12/2011 07:57

We were to go to PILS for christmas day, boxing day at home with DP, DC, BIL and SiL. Boxing day we have organised between is, no fuss.

But, we are now no longer invited to PIL's for christmas day. It's a long story. We / they don't do the whole Big Christmas thing but we have to do something. My family can't be with us, I need the distraction TBH.

So, yes, I am stressed. Do not know if I need to cater just for us or for BIL and SIL (or just one of them, or neither of them). Have nothing planned and christmas do's at school and playschool today too.

DP is furious that I'm stressed. AIBU (surely not?) to be stressed? Hmm

Don't know where the hell to start

Not in the UK so running in to M&S or whereever and grabbing some crappy pre-prepped stuff isn't possible.

OP posts:
Original poster
HettyAmaretti · 22/12/2011 07:58

BIL & SIL being DPs brother and sister rather than a couple.

OP posts:
GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 22/12/2011 08:00

Why is he furious you're stressed? Sounds like you've got good reason at this stage. What happened to the day with the in laws?

Hulababy · 22/12/2011 08:02

Why is dh cross with you? Surely it s only normal to have a wobble when this kind of thing happens?

Or is it because of something he has done that plans gave changed? And his fury is really him feeling upset or at fault coming out?

Do you have any children?

Hulababy · 22/12/2011 08:05

Ah seen dc in op.

Christmas day as just an immediate family can be lovey. We always o it and have a great time.

Re food: keep it simple but lovely. Do you have local shops that sell what you need? You should be able to get all you need, there's still time.

mybrainsthinkingfuckyousanta · 22/12/2011 08:05

Don't stress.
Look up a lunch a local hotel? IF that's too short notice or far too expensive then get some rotisserie chicken tomorrow/Sat and have cold cuts/finger food Sat/sun?

I have no oven at the moment. I am not going to stress.

What I am going to do is:
have a curry on xmas eve
go to pizza hut on xmas day fa la la la
have turkish on boxing day
have cold chicken/walkabout meat in between

Tis what baby Jesus would have wanted!!! Xmas Grin

instead of you catering for b sil etc ask them to bring a dish and split it between you or just do the buffet/brotzeit malarkey.

Shiregirl · 22/12/2011 08:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
HettyAmaretti · 22/12/2011 08:07

He's got a hell of a lot on at work and is really very stressed about the whole situation with his family. He is being U to a certain extent but TBH it's understandable.

We have 2 DC, 2 1/2 and 4.

We are no longer invited to christmas at PIL's as of yesterday evening, neither of us actually wanted to go in the first place but it seemed like the best / easiest thing to do. DN lives with them and we didn't want to let her down. The whole thing with PIL is complicated and a very long story, much history. Lets just say BIL and DP argued with PIL yesterday. I think they did the right thing to speak up.

OP posts:
itsstartingtofeelalotlikexmas · 22/12/2011 08:08

Yes why is pils cancelled

Ring bil and sil and ask if they're coming

As dh is not stressed get him to shop or say you're booking a restaurant

sunnydelight · 22/12/2011 08:09

Have you got any expat friends if you're not in the UK? A lot of people who live away from family are more than happy to find company at Christmas so even going round to someone's house or inviting them to yours to share a drink and whatever food is to hand can be fun. Don't be proud, tell people your plans have fallen through - we actually have much nicer Christmases now the whole "keeping the family happy" thing is a distant memory!

Original poster
HettyAmaretti · 22/12/2011 08:09

Sorry X posts.

Christmas with just DP and DC was what I a ctually wanted. Having SIL and / or BIL would also be nice.

I need a plan. A bloody good and highly organised one.

OP posts:
Original poster
HettyAmaretti · 22/12/2011 08:11

DP is at work today and tomorrow and can't reaslistically be expected to 'help'. He's ill, stressed and his family are at each others throats. I can't expect that of him.

OP posts:
Original poster
HettyAmaretti · 22/12/2011 08:12

Gah, no, no expat friends local. Recently moved to a new city.

OP posts:
GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 22/12/2011 08:12

Ah so mega stressy situation anyway. Are you all set for Boxing day? I would concentrate on that tbh. Your children are too young to be aware of lack of turkey etc so have whatever you can get on Sunday and don't worry about it. Make am

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 22/12/2011 08:13

Argh sausage fingers..

Make Monday the big day with BIL and SIL.

Original poster
HettyAmaretti · 22/12/2011 08:15

Yes, you are right Gwen.

December is always dramatic. I really should have seen it coming.

OP posts:
mrspepperpotty · 22/12/2011 08:15

Embrace the positives. You didn't really want to see the PILs anyway so enjoy the day with your family. Your DCs are too young to expect a traditional Christmas so you can just cook / eat / do whatever you like! It's quite liberating really!

Hulababy · 22/12/2011 08:16

Right, so:

What shops can you get to?
Are thy open late so you could leave dc with do?

KittyFane · 22/12/2011 08:17

Just go shopping! Buy enough for your family and SIl/ Bil.
Then do what you would normally do, cook it.
Once you get over the panic you'll be fine.

MmeReindor · 22/12/2011 08:18

Where are you (roughly) and what food can you buy there?

Slilou · 22/12/2011 08:24

yes, i too want to know where you are!

TheProvincialLady · 22/12/2011 08:26

It's just another cooking day, you don't need to stress over it. Decide what you fancy now, write a shopping list, go shopping today and start any prep tomorrow. Plan to make more than you need so you can cater for guests if you have to, and have lots of leftovers for Boxing day etc if there are no guests. It will be fine. The stress of your family situation and your husband is making you feel that this is a much bigger issue than it really is.

ballstoit · 22/12/2011 08:29

Okay. Well, the first thing is to check how many you're catering for. So I'd ring BIL and SIL now to see if they're coming. And if they are, what they plan to bring with them to contribute to the meals/entertainment.

Then, decide what you're eating. Doesn't matter whether you have guests or just you, DH & DC, choose something simple, that can be prepared the night before or during the morning and heated up or left to slow cook while you enjoy the DC. My favourite extended family meals are;
Jacket Spuds with various toppings and salad
Lasagne with Salad
Stew/Casserole with Crusty Bread
Roast Dinner (prepare all veg the night before, roast meat first thing)

Are any of these a possibility from local shops or your freezer?

Buy a yummy pud, a few bottles of wine and a large box of chocs, some cheese, crackers and fruit for tea/supper and you're sorted.

AFuckingFestiveKnackeredWoman · 22/12/2011 08:30

Just think of it as a fancy roast.
Ring bil and sil and find out what's happening, perhaps get them to bring a dish.

Its only a day and your kids wont care if bits are missing or if you do thing different. They will just be so excited its Christmas day

troisgarcons · 22/12/2011 08:31

Being the saddo thatI am - i just watched The Good Life Christmas Special where Margos Christmas wasn't delivered and they had to have it with Barbara and Tom. it brought home that christmas is about family and friends not about consumerism and food. All you need is fun!

MakesXmasCakesWhenStressed · 22/12/2011 08:39

And silly games - bet your 4 year old would love to watch mummy, daddy, aunt and uncle playing charades :)