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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sulking OH

46 replies

doinmummy · 21/12/2011 19:58

Bit of a muddly one but here goes. I have had loads of trouble with DD 14....running away, being violent towards me,loads of rows, not going to school etc. Any way i have been seeing a chap on and off for 7 years. We have always split up because he is quite jealous and also sulks alot. I can actually feel the sulky vibes coming off him, he just cant hide the fact that he's pissed off about something and instaed of just saying he goes all cold and sulky.
My DD has a boyfriend of 16 Sad I'm not over the moon about it but since we've had a sit down and agreed to rules she's been so much better. Always asks if she can go out, lets me know where she is, even helps round the house! I have drummed into her about sex etc and have offered to put her on the pill. She is adamant that she has no need to go on the pill. If I ban her from seeing this boy she will only see him behind my back. I have spoken to his mum and she has agreed to try and make sure all is above board as much as she can .
My DD asked if this lad could call round the other evening and I said yes. My other half answered the door to him (we dont live together). I heard the lad announce himself to my OH and he called 'hello' to me. I said he could go up to my DD room . I 'popped up' to ask if they wanted a drink and DD was on the bed and lad was sitting on the floor, so all seemed ok.
My OH , however, had copped the hump ....I could feel the awful vibes coming off him. I asked what was wrong and got the usual huffy 'nothing' . Anyway he eventually said he was uncomfortable with DD and lad upstairs. 'Didn't like it that lad had come round to screw my DD'. I said he didn't have to stay if he felt uncomfortable and he stomped off home. He has never really shown any interest in my DD, in fact has been very critical of her most of the time.
I said , via text that I was fed up with his sulks and that he had no problem when I dropped DD round to this lads house.
I also said perhaps I should have checked with him before allowing this lad to come round.
He has now said he doesn't want me to text him any more which I haven't.
This will be another Christmas spoilt...he has spoilt many other occaisions including my friends wedding by sulking.
AIBU . Also should I take the £100 Hugo Boss xmas pressie back?

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 21/12/2011 20:01

Yes take it back! Get the money and treat you , dd and her bf to a takeaway or something!!

Saturdaynightsprout · 21/12/2011 20:01

Blimey!

Flisspaps · 21/12/2011 20:03

So you've been seeing him on and off for 7 years, he sulks like a petulant child (including at your friend's wedding) and doesn't live with you but you think perhaps you should have checked with him to see if it was OK for this boy to visit your house? Shock

Don't let him ruin Christmas. Take his present back, buy yourself something nice and tell him to fuck the fuck off.

Dee03 · 21/12/2011 20:03

Yanbu.... And yes take the item back, he sounds awful....he sounds very childish to me, it's your house and your DD do therefore naff all to do with him

WorraLiberty · 21/12/2011 20:04

Never mind aftershave or anything like that.

The most important question is, why on earth have your given this childish 'man' 7yrs of your life?

And don't you think part of your DD's behaviour might be down to your relationship with him?

FWIW, I wouldn't allow the boy in her bedroom either if she's that disrespectful of your authority....but I don't think that's the main issue here.

candrcane · 21/12/2011 20:04

Sounds like you are parent to 2 children. You can only put up with a sulky block of ice around for so long. Leave him alone and enjoy your xmas and the fact you have a dd that talks to you (well done) - oh, and keep the gift.

PengPeng · 21/12/2011 20:05

Well, it depends. If it's been 7 yrs on and off with his sulking - where would you like to be in another 7 yrs? Would you be happy to be in exactly the same situation? Do you think you'd be happier without him? He's not the only man in the world you know, you wouldn't be alone forever if you dumped him. But even being on your own for a little while might be nicer than alway having to deal with this guy's sulking.

What does your DD think about him being around? He sounds quite possessive of her. Does he have controlling tendencies at all?

I think you've done really well to stick up for your DD like this. It's a shame he questioned your parenting methods, but it's good that your DD is your first priority (as she should be).

In short, are you happy to carry on like this or would you be happier with him out of the picture? You can't change him...

LovingChristmas · 21/12/2011 20:05

Take the present back, delete his phone number and stop letting him ruin things for you by sulking, I have a "friend" who does this, it's possibly ok as a 17 year old but not fun ten years later.
And it's your bloody house, why should you ask him if it's ok to have the lad around, you no more have to ask him that way than your daughter ask's her bf if your fella can come round!
Completely ridiculous! Get rid. Grrrrrrr (I'm actually steaming on your behalf)

whackamole · 21/12/2011 20:06

Yes take it back. If he is going to act like a spoilt child then so can you. And he is.

Clearly he has not problem with your DD getting 'screwed' at her boyfriend's house, as she's not there to bother him! I know you have been with him a long time, but is it really worth it? It sounds like you have 2 children, but at least your daughter is growing up.

But I'm feeling a bit harsh this evening as have been elbow-deep in shit and vomit all day.

Rhubarbgarden · 21/12/2011 20:06

Blimey, what an annoying man. Yes take the present back. He doesn't sound worth the hassle if this sort of thing is a regular occurrence, unless he has some very redeeming features.

Winkly · 21/12/2011 20:06

YANBU you sound like you are dealing with your daughter's relationship very well and your OH needs to bloody well grow up. Why should you have checked with him before having someone at YOUR house?

But don't let him spoil your Christmas! Enjoy it with your daughter, take the present back, spend it on the two of you and don't bother texting this man-child any more.

whackamole · 21/12/2011 20:07

X-post with everyone else! Dump this man-child - sulking is so not an attractive trait.

Original poster
doinmummy · 21/12/2011 20:08

I have put up with him for far too long. I have finished the relationship every time because of his behaviour. You are right, a massive waste of my time. I will return the present ( I hope I get a refund) and buy myself something...I feel knee high boots coming on!

OP posts:
PurplePidjInAPearTree · 21/12/2011 20:08

Wow what a tosser! Do as he says, don't contact him again. Your DD's boyfriend is clearly capable of more maturity!

Take his present back and treat yourself and your newly-reformed daughter to something really nice as a reward Xmas Grin

Bogeyface · 21/12/2011 20:08

I am failing to see why you have put up with this Manchild for 7 years! Getting back with him once, ok. But every time since, I really dont get!

Take the present back, and dump him once and for all!

Oh and I wouldnt allow a 16 year old in my DDs bedroom with her either btw.

oikopolis · 21/12/2011 20:08

He sounds a charmer

NinkyNonker · 21/12/2011 20:10

Him being constantly critical of my child would prob be enough for me.

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 21/12/2011 20:12

YY to the boots

Please sing some Nancy Sinatra when you get them.

That would be poetic justice for you

Original poster
doinmummy · 21/12/2011 20:15

He has never liked my DD and has made it quite clear. I guess I'm not showing her a good example by staying with him

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 21/12/2011 20:23

Absolutely what KatieScarlettsCrackers says Xmas Grin

TooImmatureTurtleDoves · 21/12/2011 20:25

It is so not his place to make it clear that he has never liked your DD! She is your daughter and you are a package deal. End of. A decent man would do his best to get on with her because she will always be a hugely important part of your life, and also wouldn't sulk. Get rid.

Dawndonnathatchristmasiscoming · 21/12/2011 20:27

erm. I'm ever so sorry, but a friend in an extraordinarily similar situation discovered the reason the bf wasn't happy with boyfriend coming round to 'screw his DD' was because he had been screwing her.

I know this is an awful thing to say, but with running away, violence etc. I would be concerned.
I'm happy for this to be deleted if I'm bang out of line.

Groovee · 21/12/2011 20:27

Shock he sounds harder work than your DD. Time to get rid and you deserve better.

Dozer · 21/12/2011 20:32

Why are you with this horrible man and staying with him for so long when he's not good to your DD?

No wonder your DD is so unhappy with him in her life. Put her first and get rid of him before xmas.

SantasENormaSnob · 21/12/2011 20:37

So he dislikes your dd, and has since she was 7, been very critical of her and you have stayed with him for 7 years?

Poor girl.

You need to get rid of this prick.