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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sulking OH

46 replies

doinmummy · 21/12/2011 19:58

Bit of a muddly one but here goes. I have had loads of trouble with DD 14....running away, being violent towards me,loads of rows, not going to school etc. Any way i have been seeing a chap on and off for 7 years. We have always split up because he is quite jealous and also sulks alot. I can actually feel the sulky vibes coming off him, he just cant hide the fact that he's pissed off about something and instaed of just saying he goes all cold and sulky.
My DD has a boyfriend of 16 I'm not over the moon about it but since we've had a sit down and agreed to rules she's been so much better. Always asks if she can go out, lets me know where she is, even helps round the house! I have drummed into her about sex etc and have offered to put her on the pill. She is adamant that she has no need to go on the pill. If I ban her from seeing this boy she will only see him behind my back. I have spoken to his mum and she has agreed to try and make sure all is above board as much as she can .
My DD asked if this lad could call round the other evening and I said yes. My other half answered the door to him (we dont live together). I heard the lad announce himself to my OH and he called 'hello' to me. I said he could go up to my DD room . I 'popped up' to ask if they wanted a drink and DD was on the bed and lad was sitting on the floor, so all seemed ok.
My OH , however, had copped the hump ....I could feel the awful vibes coming off him. I asked what was wrong and got the usual huffy 'nothing' . Anyway he eventually said he was uncomfortable with DD and lad upstairs. 'Didn't like it that lad had come round to screw my DD'. I said he didn't have to stay if he felt uncomfortable and he stomped off home. He has never really shown any interest in my DD, in fact has been very critical of her most of the time.
I said , via text that I was fed up with his sulks and that he had no problem when I dropped DD round to this lads house.
I also said perhaps I should have checked with him before allowing this lad to come round.
He has now said he doesn't want me to text him any more which I haven't.
This will be another Christmas spoilt...he has spoilt many other occaisions including my friends wedding by sulking.
AIBU . Also should I take the £100 Hugo Boss xmas pressie back?

OP posts:

Kiwiinkits · 21/12/2011 21:08

You sound like you are doing a good job with your DD. Well done for contacting the boys mother and putting so much thought into her wellbeing.
He, on the other hand, sounds like a nob. Does he bring joy, happiness and love into yours and your DD's lives? If not, plenty of other fish in the sea.

Original poster

doinmummy · 21/12/2011 22:30

Dawn Def not the case, although I can see how you would think that. He has never been alone with my DD.

OP posts:

Original poster

doinmummy · 21/12/2011 22:32

I have deleted his number although wanted to send one more text giving him both barrels but couldn't be arsed !

OP posts:

LineRunnerCrouchingReindeer · 21/12/2011 22:37

You are not the only one who has had to put up with this nonsense for 7 years. Your DD has had to put up with it since she was 7 years old.

I think you are very brave and sensible coming on MN and I hope that you advice you receive convinces you to carry on being brave and ditching the negative stuff. Good luck.

Dawndonnathatchristmasiscoming · 21/12/2011 22:40

Okay. Sorry.

scarletforya · 21/12/2011 22:51

I'd be wondering why a man who has never shown any interest in the 14 year old daughter of an on/off girlfriend he has been seeing for 7 years, has reacted with such a strop and used language like 'screw your DD' about a 14 year old.

I'm not suprised your DD is running away and acting out. I'd be looking a lot deeper into things if I were you.

I also said perhaps I should have checked with him before allowing this lad to come round.

Checked with him ??? Why on Earth would you check with him a non live in, non-related person whether what your daughter does is ok with him. It's NONE of his business.

Maybe I've misunderstood your post but it strikes me as really odd that this man would have any say in your daughters life. I don't understand why you allow it?

Original poster

doinmummy · 21/12/2011 22:57

I was being sarcastic to him when I asked him about cheking with him as to who i could invite into my own home. You are absolutely right he is a knob and I have put up with his behaviour for far too long. I would like to have counselling to explore my reasons for doing so.

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Original poster

doinmummy · 21/12/2011 23:34

Any suggestions as to what I can do with a canvas photo of the 2 of us I had made for him for Christmas?

OP posts:

MissMerrynder · 21/12/2011 23:38

Burn it?

Pandemoniaa · 21/12/2011 23:38

In this sort of circumstances, I find a bonfire most cathartic. Canvas is nicely inflammable too!

FabbyChic · 21/12/2011 23:40

If i met someone and they didn't like my kid Id fuck them off, yet you let him hang around for seven years and you don't even live together not the best example of how a relationship is conducted are you?

No wonder your daughter has problems if your fella of 7 years has always been off with her.

Kids come first not second.

Pandemoniaa · 21/12/2011 23:51

Christonabike, Fabby, are they putting intolerance tablets in your water supply at the moment?

FabbyChic · 21/12/2011 23:58

On come on seven fucking years with a jerk who does not like your own daughter who suffers that?

No wonder the daughter has problems it stems from her mothers relationship with a man who the daughter knows does not like her.

The daughter plays up considerably because she is vying for her mothers attention. All wrong.

FabbyChic · 21/12/2011 23:59

The OP has put herself first for 7 years, about time she turned that around.

Original poster

doinmummy · 22/12/2011 00:10

I said we have been on and off for 7 years......mostly off and for most of that time I only saw him when my DD was at her fathers for the weekend. He has not had much contact with DD and she started being a pain in the arse during the 3 years that I wasn't with him

OP posts:

redrubyshoes · 22/12/2011 00:20

Doin

He doesn't make you happy so there is no reason to stay in the relationship. End it now and find someone who will make you happy.

This time next year he will be someone else's problem and not yours.

Or you can list his good points now.

Then list his bad points and weigh them up.

Find ten of each if you can.

Original poster

doinmummy · 22/12/2011 00:29

Oh he is definately history. I have written a list of his faults and will keep it by my bed ! Just out of interest has anyone any insight as to why I have put up with his behaviour? I sometimes felt a bit scared of him( not physically) and have even not told him things as I know he would disapprove.

OP posts:

LineRunnerCrouchingReindeer · 22/12/2011 00:36

doin it could be to do with you trying to resolve an unhappy childhood, or getting stuck in a repeating pattern of behaviour that loops round to an ending you subconciously seek or expect, or you've just had a bit of bad luck.

Talking it through with the right person could help a lot. Make sure you find a counsellor that you feel is right for you, though - tough but fair, challenging but likeable.

Best of luck.

ContraryMartha · 22/12/2011 00:42

Excellent advice here. But one more thing...
Put your daughter on the pill - yesterday.

Original poster

doinmummy · 22/12/2011 00:47

I have suggested many times that she goes on the pill. Have even made appt at GP and then had to cancel as she's totally aghast that I've even suggested it. I've spoken to nurse at GP's to see if I can slip the pill into DD's orange juice ( I know i can't !) Have gone down the ' it'll make your periods less painful ' route, but she's having none of it.

OP posts:

otisreading · 22/12/2011 00:48

Take the £100 Hugo Boss xmas pressie back. Put the canvas on your wall to remind you never to go there again. Then count your blessings that you are in no way legally attached to this person.

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