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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel a little slighted by not being named on these cards?

28 replies

PiousPrat · 21/12/2011 16:49

DS1&2 and I moved in with DP this summer shortly before DS3 was born so have been here for about 5 months now.

In the last few days we have had a few Christmas cards through the door addressed to MrPrat and family. That's fine, most of these neighbours I haven't spoken to much if at all so I doubt they know all our names and it's nice they thought to include us on the card at all. However, the cards that DP brought home from work were addressed in the same way. He works in a small company, there are only 3 of them there and with the disruption of us moving up and the birth meaning DP took some time off work I know we were talked about, so they know our names.

Am I being a bit precious to feel snubbed in what could have been a corner cutting exercise when facing a mountain of cards to write or is it rude to leave names off a card if you know them?

OP posts:

belgo · 21/12/2011 16:53

ARe his colleagues male? Do you think the cards may have been written by their wives/girlfriends who don't know you?

hellhasnofury · 21/12/2011 16:53

Guilty as charged. If I can be faffed to write work cards I always put to ^X and family*. DH's work ones always come addressed that way too. It isn't done to insult anyone, it's laziness on my part.

belgo · 21/12/2011 16:53

But I think if they work with your dh, it's normal just to write the card to your dh, and family.

ZillionChocolate · 21/12/2011 16:53

I think if they'd met you several times, then yes they probably should have included you. If they just know of you, then I don't think it's worth getting upset about.

MissPentChristmasBudget · 21/12/2011 16:55

If you mean on the envelope then I definitely think YABU. And even if you mean inside the card, I think you're over-thinking it a bit. It is probably, as you say, just to save time when writing lots of cards. Have you met DP's colleagues? I know I'd feel a bit odd writing colleages' partners' names in a card if I'd never actually met them.

LoveInASnowyClimate · 21/12/2011 16:55

I mostly address cards to "The Smith Family". Saves the hassle of trying to remember partners'/children's names and spelling of same. Wouldn't waste time worrying if I were you, it's four days before christmas!

Figgyrollsintoapudding · 21/12/2011 16:57

I have no idea about anyone's family names, including my good friends who I always forget...................well their childrens names anyway

knockneedandknackered1 · 21/12/2011 16:57

i,ve had cards where they haven,t put family on or just there name at bottom i may be unreasonable but i tend to ignore them ones and chuck them in bin.

starfishmummy · 21/12/2011 16:58

Work cards, I just do to the person at work and not their family unless it is someone who is a particular friend.

wonkylegs · 21/12/2011 16:58

Don't overthink it... He works with them you don't that's the extent of the thought that will have gone into the card writing. I only write names of work colleagues family that I regularly socialise with in the 10yrs I've worked here everyone else is + family... DH has written + family on several friends cards because he's totally forgotten the name of one of the kids and you can't write mr, mrs, child 1 & the one I can't remember quite right so it becomes + family

Original poster

PiousPrat · 21/12/2011 17:02

His colleagues are male and yes, I am assuming their partners wrote the cards for the same reason I wrote all of ours, their work is chaotically busy just now and they have very little spare time. But, when I wrote ours I put all their names on, because I know them so it seemed rude and a little dismissive not to.

I can totally understand going for the quick version if you have a whole office worths of cards to write, but when there is only 2? Really?

I'm getting defensive. That means I am being completely unreasonable and more than a bit precious aren't I?

OP posts:

AnAirOfHope · 21/12/2011 17:04

We got a card thru the post today addressed to Mr and Mrs, so i open it and inside its addressed to DH, Hannah and family.

Who the fuck is Hannah and is my DH married to someone else as well as me! That is not my name - we have been together 7 years married for 5 years and have two children together. Who the fuck is Hannah!

(Guess who is not getting a Christmas card off me next year )

StuckInTheFensAwayFromHome · 21/12/2011 17:07

If I don't write kids names in address book I do forget them - even people for who I really should know... I realised this year that my memory really is that bad - sorry to all people that got a + family reference this year.
Before storing chucking away this years cards I'm going to have to remember (oh great!) to go through them and write them down for next year!!!

flamegirl77 · 22/12/2011 00:09

YABU. Is it really important to you?

LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops · 22/12/2011 00:12

meh.

Moominsarescary · 22/12/2011 00:29

My mill hasn't sent me or my two children cards yet, dp and ds3 have received cards and dp says we have got some, and that he must have just forgot to put them in the bag with his.

We will see

larks35 · 22/12/2011 00:34

I think YABU but then I got a bit pee'd off when my line manager told me that the present "I" had got from "him" was actually for my DS! I know by the handwriting that his wife had written the card too, but she had obviously gone for the easier or cheaper sweeter option of buying a gift for my DS, despite the fact that he hasn't been the one working his arse off all year.

TheFallenMadonna · 22/12/2011 00:43

Oh dear. I wrote cards for my colleagues alone (no "and family"), and signed them from me alone too.

larks35 · 22/12/2011 00:50

TheFallenMadonna - I've always done that in the past too, but for some reason this year I've included partners and children where applicable, not sure why. I also signed the cards for my DP and DS, again I'm really not sure why.

AllGoodNamesGone · 22/12/2011 02:09

We got one to Mr Allgood and your dear wife once. Made me laugh

I am fairly good at remembering the names of people's children but DH is terrible at it so would always put "and family" to be on the safe side!

lisaro · 22/12/2011 03:24

I would assume they've more than just the 2 cards to write and maybe they're busy. That said, it's the norm to put 'whoever and family'. Have you ever worked? If so think back.

TroublesomeEx · 22/12/2011 03:50

I often put "to X and family" unless I have met the family, otherwise I tend to think writing their names looks a bit over familiar!

But then it depends how close I am to the colleague. Sometimes I just put their name/my name even thought we both know the other has family.

DH's Christmas cards from colleagues all say "X and family" if we hadn't met, even though they know our names. It's not a problem really.

I wouldn't read too much into it.

RealLifeIsForWimps · 22/12/2011 04:03

I tend to put "and family" especially when there's even a shred of doubt in my mind about what people's children are called, or if they've got more than 2 children as I cant be bothered to write all the names.

Gonzo33 · 22/12/2011 05:17

I put Dear X, X and boys this year because i couldn't remember one of the boys names

girlywhirly · 22/12/2011 10:27

I used to laugh at a very old friend of DH's addressing the envelope just to him rather than Mr and Mrs. He had been to our wedding so it shouldn't have slipped his mind! And yes, he is single, never been married or in a long term relationship as far as we know.

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