AIBU to be fed up with being the driver?

[Lifeissweet]

My DP doesn't drive. Since we got together, he has promised to do his test, but has never 'got round to it'. Now he has announced that he's not going to do it after all because he hates driving - it has become nearly a phobia for him.

Obviously that is fine and his decision. However, we have 2 DS's between us (one each) and another DC on the way in about 4 weeks. His DS lives on the other side of the city with his mother and, at the moment, I am ferrying him the 40 minuted journey backwards and forwards whenever he comes to stay with us. DP also stays there once a week, so I have to drop him off and pick him up (public transport really is a nightmare to get over there- 3 buses).

Today, he is coming back from seeing his DS and has just called for a lift. I'm feeling heavy and tired and have a stinking cold. This is the first day for weeks when my DS has been with his Dad and I am really enjoying doing not very much but browsing for baby stuff online. I don't want to get dressed and haul my fat, swollen tummy out in the cold. I am sick of being a taxi driver, to be honest. Do I just have to accept that this is how it is? (we can't move nearer his DS, btw)

I am dreading having a baby to get sorted and dragged across town all the time too. How is this going to work?

Thanks everyone.

I took your advice yesterday and he got the bus back from his DS's. You were right and it didn't kill him. I'll try talking to him about doing that more often.

In response to the poster who asked why we can't move closer to his DS, well - it's completely impractical! My DS is 6 and goes to school here. I also deliberately bought a house really close to my ExH so that we can effectively share DS's care. My house has been made acoustically suitable for my DS, who is profoundly deaf. I would not uproot us all because of having to drive my DP twice a week!

DP does not, at the moment, contribute to the running of my car, but I think I will be asking him to. Cars do eat money and it must be taking its toll.

I think I might gently suggest that he does try to drive at least. Is it true that there are driving simulators people can use to get used to the idea? I might look into that. I don't want to push him - I don't want to cause him any distress, but I do think he needs to stop taking me for granted in this way and life is going to be very, very hard for both of us if I am the only one doing the driving all the time.

And, in reply to the poster who asked whether I mind him staying over with the ex every week. No I don't. They actually weren't together when the baby was born and pretty much detest one another (although are good about this in front of DSS) She often goes out for the night when he's there.

That's another thing, though, because I won't really want him doing that when the baby's here and I would like his DS to stay here more often with the rest of us, but that would mean me picking him up on a Wednesday night and dropping him back really early on Thursday morning so that he can get to nursery and I can get to school (teacher). If DP could manage that it would be so much easier.

I do know this is not a big problem in the scheme of things, so thanks for not telling me to get a grip and stop complaining about nothing.

How long have you been together?

Lifeissweet "I have never pushed him driving because I didn't want to nag and hoped the baby would spur him on to do something,"

If he wasn't spurred on to tackle his phobia about driving when he had a child the first time round (DSS), what makes you think he'll be spurred on this time around?

How does he get to work?

Glue, Just because you can drive doesn't mean you have to buy a car. In this instance, the OP's DP wouldn't be buying a car for himself, he'd just be using OP's car. Learning to drive is really a life skill that you need unless you live in London or another big city. Where we live you need a car as the buses to the villages around the town sometimes only go once a day. Buses to the big shopping centres sometimes get to the centre at 12 pm and leave at 1pm, leaving only 1 hour to shop, for example. I didn't say that everyone needs a car, but that everyone needs to know how to drive. If you can't then you have to accept that there are some things you won't be able to do unless other people drive you around and ime experience some people are very ungrateful about the lifts that they get and just expect them.