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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have asked multiple relatives for the same gift?

39 replies

TeWiharaMeriKirihimete · 21/12/2011 10:08

Because, having just reeled off a few things we really need each time we were asked we ended up with 2 gifts the same. This particular gift was the most expensive thing we asked for (though not piss takingly so! you can get them at a range of prices) and I didn't really expect anyone to get us one let alone two.

2nd person to give us one was very very miffed, but I don't see how else I could respond to the "what do you want?" question without having to think of 50 odd unique items, most of which we probably don't really need and aren't that fussed about having.

I was suitably apologetic to 2nd person and made sure they were able to take it back and get a refund.

OP posts:
OldGreyWassailTest · 21/12/2011 10:11

Is this for a wedding, or Christmas? If I'd bought you a gift you'd asked for and you then asked me to take it back for a refund I think I would be a little miffed, to say the least.

troisgarcons · 21/12/2011 10:14

to summarise:

You asked two people for the same gift. You got the same gift twice. You asked the 2nd person to change it?

Very rude.

Original poster
TeWiharaMeriKirihimete · 21/12/2011 10:14

It was for christmas. I asked if they could get a refund because we don't need two and I didn't want them to have wasted their money, and if they couldn't I would have sold it on (plus whatever to make the retail price) to give them back the money for it at least.

Do other people really give every person that asks them a unique list then?

OP posts:
PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 21/12/2011 10:14

you should have accepted graciously and done any taking back yourself without the giver finding out.

HappyMummyOfOne · 21/12/2011 10:15

I'd be miffed if i'd asked somebody what they wanted and then they asked me to take it back, i'd probably not bother buying for them again.

If you dont want to think of 50 unique ideas then why not say you have everything you need and for them to save their time and money or come up with something generic that can be consumed.

Original poster
TeWiharaMeriKirihimete · 21/12/2011 10:15

To clarify I have no expectation of getting a different gift from person 2. I just wanted to make sure they got their money back.

Have I cocked this up totally?

Bugger.

OP posts:
NoOnesGoingToEatYourMincePies · 21/12/2011 10:15

We've been asked this for DS for Christmas and I've given everyone a couple of different ideas for him, just to avoid duplications.

With the stress of Christmas shopping I think lots of people would be annoyed to buy something that someone had particularly asked for, only to be told that they already had one from someone else and to please take it back.

They wouldn't be totally unreasonable if they handed it over to you anyway with the words "and now you've got two."

PopcornMouseInAReindeerJumper · 21/12/2011 10:15

Rude!

You never ask 2 people the same thing. Or if you do, you let them know you've asked both and let them work it out between themselves. THEN, if they DO both get the same thing, you smile and say "thanks, just what I asked for!" and deal with it later (by exchanging it yourself, say)

ViviPrudolf · 21/12/2011 10:16

YABU, if I'm honest.

We're really careful to pitch replies to requests for gift ideas in such as way as to ensure it fits the giver's budget and will not create the duplication situation you describe.

Apart from one year when a rather insignificant gift idea managed to slip through the net and was bought for DP and I from my generous, single, low income pensioner mother as a stocking filler in addition to lots of lovely other main gifts, but was ALSO bought for DP and I as our MAIN AND ONLY JOINT GIFT from his employed, comfortably-off parents. Hmm

Original poster
TeWiharaMeriKirihimete · 21/12/2011 10:16

I couldn't exchange it myself as it was bought online.

OP posts:
SantasENormaSnob · 21/12/2011 10:17

I think it's quite rude tbh.

ViviPrudolf · 21/12/2011 10:17

Oh and when the PiLs gave us that gift, as Popcorn suggests, we smiled and say "thanks, just what we asked for!" and dealt with it later.

redskyatnight · 21/12/2011 10:18

I doubt most adults have lots of people buying for them. In our family we only do small presents for most adult relatives (wine, chocs, smellies). The only people who might ask would be my parents and PiLs. Surely you don't have 50 people who would buy you gifts that you didnt' want duplicated [mind boggles].

ViviPrudolf · 21/12/2011 10:18

So what if it was bought online? That's what ebay's for

Kayano · 21/12/2011 10:18

Yes you have totally cocked up

Even if you get two you graciously accept then return yourself. You now look rude and I wouldn't buy you again, if I did it would be a crap box or cheapie soap

SantasENormaSnob · 21/12/2011 10:19

What was it vivi?

TimothyClaypoleLover · 21/12/2011 10:19

I think you are being very rude asking them to take it back when you specifically asked for that present.

Kayano · 21/12/2011 10:19

If you can't return yourself you deal with two, regift or you sell on

ViviPrudolf · 21/12/2011 10:20

A board game, Santa [frolleyes]

lockets · 21/12/2011 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aldiwhore · 21/12/2011 10:20

I don't think you're rude or unreasonable, you've just cocked up. We all do it from time to time (well I do) so just grovel a bit, be honest, offer to make a return easier for them (you shouldn't have asked them to deal with it right now, maybe wait until after Christmas?) sincerely apologise and have done.

Just ask for specific gifts from now on!!

Liluri · 21/12/2011 10:21

If you ask more than one person for the same item, then keep schtum if you actually receive more than one!

It is quite childish (and a bit petulant) to tell someone of a specific item you want, then ask them to return it because you've already asked someone else for the same thing.

You'd be getting a gift voucher for a pound shop next year if you did this to me!

Original poster
TeWiharaMeriKirihimete · 21/12/2011 10:22

Okay - ABU.

It's not that I have 50 people asking what I want as a gift, it's that I wouldn't want to only suggest one thing (that seems very rude to me?) I like to suggest a couple of things just to give an idea. So it would mean I had to come up with a different list for each person that asked.

Christmas is pretty low on my list of priorities as am very heavily pregnant and I honestly hadn't realised I'd even mentioned x item to more than one person.

How do I make it up now?

OP posts:
Original poster
TeWiharaMeriKirihimete · 21/12/2011 10:24

I said something straight away because DD was trying to open it and I knew that she couldn't if it was going to go back. Although I could have just let her and ebay'd it as used I suppose.

OP posts:
Goolash · 21/12/2011 10:25

Sorry yabu

You asked them both for the same gift, they both got it. I think you should have smiled, said a big thanks and deal with it yourself later. It's hard enough Christmas shopping as it is without being messed about. They now have take it back to the post office, or wait in for it to be collected. Then re-order (wait in / collect) or go to the shops, pay parking etc

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