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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So are the Dds being unreasonable (age 14 and 15)

59 replies

blaaahh · 21/12/2011 08:58

Dh and I are having some people over for dinner between x,as and new year. They have Dds roughly the same age as ours and might have to bring them. Are the Dds being unreasonable to say that they don't really want them to come (have only met them once )
Dh thinks they are but is it really fair to expect them to entertain these girls all evening while we have a nice evening with our friends?

OP posts:
Shakirasma · 21/12/2011 09:00

If your DDs are going to be there it would be extremely rude to say your friends can't bring theirs.

Kayano · 21/12/2011 09:01

Your Dds are being rude and selfish

rainbowinthesky · 21/12/2011 09:01

Your dh is nbu.

Catsmamma · 21/12/2011 09:02

Have you always let your children dictate your social arrangements? Or is it just a recent thing?

KittyFane · 21/12/2011 09:02

Your DDs should be a bit more friendly.

UnexpectedOrangeInMyStocking · 21/12/2011 09:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

battherat · 21/12/2011 09:02

I think that your DD's are I'm afraid. Entertaining others is a fact of life if you're a sociable human being. I can understand their trepidation however you are opening your house to others and they need to respect that.

Gigondas · 21/12/2011 09:02

Get some Games or a DVD for them to watch as will give them something to do
Together. They are old enough to start learning to play host even if it's someone they dont know/ like.

Liluri · 21/12/2011 09:02

They are both old enough to be gracious hostesses for a few hours, I reckon.

I don't think that expecting your children to be civil to family friends is that much of a big deal.

Life is full of experiences involving people we wouldn't actually choose to be with - good social skills practice, innit?

They could watch a DVD or play on a video game if the conversation dries up a bit, no?

fivegomadindorset · 21/12/2011 09:03

YOur DD's ABU and rude.

SHoHoHodan · 21/12/2011 09:03

This is just one of those things that your DDs are going to have to suck up, I'm afraid. It would be very rude to say they couldn't come.

CMOTdibbler · 21/12/2011 09:03

Your dds are being rude. You are only expecting them to sit in front of Twilight or whatever, not be forever friends

CoffeeBucks · 21/12/2011 09:06

They are being unreasonable I think. How do they know they won't get on? How close in age are they? If the others are a bit younger (11-12) then maybe they ANBU.

But to be honest, when I was that age I was expected to be able to interact with the adults at the dining table, as were any parents' friends' kids.

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 21/12/2011 09:08

Why can't they stay at home? I think it's a bit mean to essentially make your girls babysit so you can have a night with your friends.

tabulahrasa · 21/12/2011 09:10

Oh, I remember having to do similar things as a teenager and the thought of it was just horrible - here's some strangers who you have to entertain just because they're a similar age...

But, they're plenty old enough to have a moan to you beforehand and then suck it up and do it anyway out of politeness, lol

EssentialFattyAcid · 21/12/2011 09:11

Get them a new DVD and popcorn andthey will hardly have to interact at all.
First though listen to WHY they don't like these girls as they may have very valid reasons

sitandnatter · 21/12/2011 09:12

Yes they're being unreasonable but I knew they would be when I saw they were 14 and 15 in the heading being unreasonable is teen law.

pinkdelight · 21/12/2011 09:13

Surely the girls could stay home whilst their parents come to yours? Unless they're loose canons, they should be fine to look after themselves at that age.

Original poster
blaaahh · 21/12/2011 09:13

Thanks everyone for the quick replies [fmile]
If they do bring their Dds I will make sure we have some DVDs for them to watch and I will just tell the Dds to bear it for a night Xmas Grin ther are many worse things that they could have to do than be a bit social for an evening...

OP posts:
Runoutofideas · 21/12/2011 09:13

I agree with tabulahrasa - I remember well having to be friendly to family freinds' children who we'd see once in a blue moon and didn't have much in common with. It is not much fun, but is just something that has to be done every now and then.

clam · 21/12/2011 09:18

Yes, they probably could stay at home, but if the parents don't want to do that for some reason it's not the end of the world that they should bring them. Remind your DDs of all the people/situations you've had to cultivate/put up with on their account over the years.
They ABU and should suck it up. It's only one evening.

KittyFane · 21/12/2011 09:18

I think it's sad that DDs see it as having to 'bear' it for the evening. Why can't they just have fun? Are the other DDs so awful?

Original poster
blaaahh · 21/12/2011 09:23

Their Dds seem lovely, its just I don't think they have much in common, but I think if we just get some DVDs or something they won't have to make much conversation anyway Xmas Smile
runoutofideas I agree - just something that they will have to do every now and again

OP posts:
KittyFane · 21/12/2011 09:26

Sorry if this has been said already but let's hope your friend's DD arn't as unfriendly. They might be having the same debate there as well "do we have to go?!"
Oh I love a bit of Chtistmas spirit! Hmm

ElizabethDarcy · 21/12/2011 09:31

Your DD ABVU and sound spoilt tbh. They might have a super time with these other kids! Unless the one time they met them they were bullied? The others were nasty to them? Then I can understand their feelings.

Very odd that they'd even have a say in this, I would not have had any say re who was visiting us at this age, or any age... it was my mum's decision alone.